Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. OK? You just reach in there, there's on little maneuver, and BAM, a bra, right out the sleeve. All right? As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Oh come on! You guys can pee standing up!
Chandler: We can? OK, I'm trying that.
Joey: Uh, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts anytime they want. You just look down, and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: Oh, OK. You know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Ross: Multiple orgasms.
Chandler: There you go.

OPENING CREDITS

The gang is hanging out at Central Perk.

Chandler: So, Saturday night. The big night. Date night. Saturday night. Saturday night.
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.
Ross: Not even say, breaking up with Janice.
Chandler: Oh, right. Right. Shut up.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. Except for Kevin Millmore, may he rot in hell. You just got to do it.
Chandler: I know. I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's a horrible, awkward moment when you've handed her the note. You try to, you know, run out of the restaurant before she's actually finished the note.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man! Just stop calling.
Phoebe: If, if you want, I'll do it with you.
Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're ganging up on her.
Phoebe: No. I mean, you break up with Janice, and I'll break up with Tony.
Ross: Tony?
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Phoebe: Yeah. I know. He's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.
Rachel: Does anybody want anything else?
Ross: Oh yeah. Last week you had a wonderful nutty, chocolaty, kind of a kinky pie thing that- Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Phoebe: What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Rachel: Uh. It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Ross: That guy burns me up.
Rachel: Yeah, well. It's a Mercedes if I move back home. Uh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Monica: Did he give you that whole 'you're not up to this thing' again?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, actually, I got the extended disco version with three choruses of you'll never make it on your own.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, uh-huh.

A lady in a red dress walks in.

Angela: Hi, Joey.
Joey: Oh, my God. Angela.
Monica: Wow. Being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.
Phoebe: Are you going to go over there?
Joey: No. Yeah.. No. OK, but not yet. I don't want to seem to eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, that's seems cool. Hey, Angela.
Angela: Joey.
Joey: You look good.
Angela: That's cause I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: You don't say.
Ross: So uh, Rachel. What are you, uh, what are you doing tonight?
Rachel: Oh, big glamor night. Me and Monica. Launderama.
Ross: Oh. You, uh, you want to hear a freakish coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
Rachel: Who?
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Oh, hey, um. Why don't I just join you over there?
Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building?
Ross: Yes. I do have a laundry room in my building. Um, uh, but there's a rat problem. Apparently, uh, they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and you know, they're going in fine, but they're, they're coming out all, all fluffy. Anyway, say seven-ish?
Rachel: Sure.
Angela:Forget it, Joey. I'm with Bob now.
Joey: Bob? Who the hell is Bob?!
Angela: Bob. He's great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor. But Bob-
Joey: Come on. We were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Angela: Yeah. Yeah, well sorry, Joey, you said let's just be friends. So guess what?
Joey: What?
Angela: We're just friends.
Joey: Fine, fine, so why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends.
Angela: What four of us?
Joey: Oh, you know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, Monica.

Joey is trying to convince Monica to go with him to have dinner with Angela and Bob.

Joey: Monica, I'm telling you. This guy is perfect for you.
Monica: Forget it! Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Joey: Come on. This guy's great! His name's Bob. He's Angela's brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is-
Monica: Oh God, help us.
Joey: What?
Monica: Ugly naked guy is laying kitchen tile.
Joey: Look, I'm asking a favor here. You know, I'm thinking if I do this thing for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.
Joey: I know, but Angela's different, she's like one of a kind you know, like, like a snowflake, or, or, uh...
Monica: Something else like a snowflake?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah. Look. I made a huge mistake. I never should have broke up with her. Will you help me? Please?

Chandler and Ross are in Ross's room. Ross is on the phone and Chandler is playing with Ross's toy dinosaurs.

Ross: Hold on a sec. You need to not touch any of those. OK, bye. Well, Monica's not coming. It's just going to be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Well, hold on there, camper. You sure you've thought this through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is pretty minimal.
Chandler: See, it's just you and Rachel. It's just the two of you?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: This is a date. You're going on a date.
Ross: Nuh-uh.
Chandler: Yuh-huh. Gee, I haven't done that in a while.
Ross: Wait, is it a date if she doesn't know we're going on a date?
Chandler: Yes. Absolutely. Saturday night. All rules apply.
Ross: So what are you saying here? I should shave again? Pick up some wine? What?
Chandler: Well, you may want to rethink the dirty underwear. What? This is basically the first time she's going to see your underwear, do you want it to be dirty?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener?
Ross: OK. OK. Now what is wrong with my Snuggles? It what, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kind of guy, you know, like a little fuzzy bear. All right, I can pick up something else on the way.
Chandler: There you go.

Monica and Joey are waiting for Angela and Bob.

Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Joey: Yup.
Monica: Which?
Joey: Which what?
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you?
Joey: No, but-
Monica: Oh my God! For all we know, this guy could be horribly-
Angela: Hey Joey!
Monica: Horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.

Phoebe and Chandler are at Central Perk.

Chandler: All right. Where are they?
Phoebe: This is nice, we never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: Yeah, it's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car, run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Ooh. I don't want to do that.
Chandler: Here we go.
Phoebe: OK. Have a good break up.
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: Oh my God. I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here please?
Janice: Oh. We got the proofs back from our photo shoot, you know the ones with the little vegetables? And they pretty much sucked, so I blew off the rest of the afternoon. I went shopping and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking-

Chandler looks up and Phoebe has already broken up with Tony.

Chandler: What?!
Janice: What?
Chandler: What?! Did you get me there?
Janice: I got you these.
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockies, so I figured you could wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you could wear Rocky and Rocky, or you can mix and match. Moose and squirrel.
Chandler: Ah, well, I'm going to get another espresso, um, more latte?
Janice: No. No, I'm still working on mine.
Chandler: That's it?!
Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, the hug looked pretty brutal.
Phoebe: OK. You weren't there!
Chandler: Sorry.
Phoebe: How's it going with Janice?
Chandler: Going? Things aren't going. She got me socks.
Phoebe: Oh. These go with your Rockies. Oh my God. She must really care about you. I'm sorry.

Rachel is at Launderama.

Rachel: Oh, excuse, excuse me! I was kind of using that machine.
Horrible Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kind of not.
Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
Horrible Woman: Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your basket?
Rachel: Yes.
Horrible Woman: It's really pretty. Unfortunately I don't see suds!
Rachel: What?
Horrible Woman: No suds, no save. OK?
Ross: What's going on?
Rachel: Hi. Nothing. Horrible woman just took my machine.
Ross: Was your basket on top?
Rachel: Yeah. But there were no suds.
Ross: So?
Rachel: Well, you know. No suds, no save.
Ross: No suds- excuse me. Hold on a second. This is my friend's machine.
Horrible Woman: Hey, hey, hey! Her stuff wasn't in it!
Ross: Hey, hey, hey! That's not the rule, and you know it! All right, show is over. Nothing to see here. OK. Let's do laundry.
Rachel: That was amazing.
Ross: Well.
Rachel: I can't even send back soup!
Ross: Well. Um, it's because you're such a sweet, gentle, um, hey oh, you must need detergent! Oh.
Rachel: What's that?
Ross: Uberweiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra tough. Rach, do you, uh, are you going to separate those?
Rachel: Oh God. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like, one machine for shirts, and another machine for pants?
Ross: Have you, have you never done this before?
Rachel: Well, not myself. But I know other people that have. OK, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross: Ah well, don't worry. I'll use the gentle cycle. OK, um basically you want to use one machine for all your whites, OK, a whole other machine for your colors, and a third for your, uh, uh delicates, and that would be your bras and your under panty things.
Rachel: OK, well these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
Ross: That, that would be a judgment call.

At the restaurant, Monica is still under the impression that Bob is Angela's brother.

Monica: So cute. So where did you guys grow up?
Angela: Oakland Heights.
Bob: Cleveland.
Monica: Ha. How did that happen?
Joey: OH MY GOD!
Monica: What?
Joey: I uh, suddenly had the feeling I was falling. Heh. But I'm not.

Bob and Joey are at the bar.

Joey: So, you and Angela, huh?
Bob: Yep. Pretty much.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute, nibbly noise she makes when she eats. Like a, like a happy little squirrel or, or a weasel.
Bob: Huh. I uh, I never really noticed.
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah. Listen for it.
Bob: Monica. Monica is great.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah she is. But uh, it's not going to last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.

Monica and Angela are in the bathroom at the vanity.

Monica: I got to tell you. Bob is terrific.
Angela: Yeah, isn't he?
Monica: Uh. It is so great to meet a guy who's smart and funny and has an emotional age above like 8.
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.
Angela: Huh. That's nice.

Phoebe is giving Chandler a pep talk.

Phoebe: Hey, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-Aid. OK? Just do it really fast and then the wound is exposed. Go! Go!
Chandler: Janice? Hi, Janice. OK, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.
Janice: All right. Well. Well, there you go. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Chandler: Janice. This isn't about you.
Janice: Oh. I know this is not about me. This is totally about your fear of commitment!
Chandler: What fear of commitment!? I don't have a fear of commitment!!
Janice: Oh please.
Chandler: I don't!
Janice: Oh please.
Chandler: I don't! I'm ready to commit any time!
Janice: Really?

At the Launderama...

Rachel: OK, I know this is going to sound really stupid, but I feel, I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.
Ross: That, that does not sound stupid.
Rachel: OK.
Ross: OK, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me, I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross. OK. Uh-oh.
Rachel: What uh-oh?
Ross: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. The laundry's done. It's uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. Uh-oh, the laundry'sdone. Uh-oh, uh-oh-
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
Ross: No, nothing, nothing. Le-lo, the laundry's done, all right, all right. It's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites and now, everything is kind of pink.
Rachel: Oh, everything is pink.
Ross: Yeah. Uh, except for the red sock, which is still red.
Rachel: Uh.
Ross: I'm sorry. Please don't be upset. It could happen to anyone.
Rachel: But it didn't. It happened to me. God! I'm going to look like a big marshmallow Peep! What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right! I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!
Horrible Woman: HAHAHAHA.

Monica and Paul are at the restaurant.

Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog. And they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking how inappropriate this is. Ah, I've got something in my eye. Joey, could we check it in the light, please? Oh my God!
Joey: What?
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like cocktails in Appalachia!
Joey: Come on, they're close.
Monica: Close! She's got her tongue in his ear!
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Monica: Ugh! Joey this is sick! It's disgusting! It's not really true, is it?
Joey: Look. Who's to say what's true?
Monica: Oh my God! What were you thinking?
Joey: All right. Look. I'm not proud of this OK? Well, maybe I am a little.
Monica: Oh!
Joey: Ow!
Monica: I'm out of here.
Joey: No, wait. Wait, wait, come on! You like him. I want her. He likes you.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah. Listen, I'm thinking. If we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
Monica: I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this. I just couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
Joey: Uh waiter? One more plate of chicken wings over here.

Chandler has had too many espressos and is still trying to break up with Janice.

Chandler: Here's the thing Janice, you know, I mean, it's like we're different, you know? I'm like the bing, bing, bing, you're like the boom, boom, boom.
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: Ooh! My God!
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: I'm so sorry!
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: Are you OK?
Janice: Ow! Um, it's just my lens. It's my lens. Um, I'll be right back. Ow.
Chandler: I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break up in the history of the world!
Phoebe: Oh my God. OK, how many of those have you had?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know. A million?
Phoebe: All right. Shh. Chandler. Shh. Easy. Easy. Go to, go to your happy place. La-la-la-la.
Chandler: I'm fine. I'm fine. Hang on.
Phoebe: All right.
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes. She's coming.
Phoebe: Wait here, OK? Breathe.
Chandler: How do you do that??!
Phoebe: I, it's like a gift.
Chandler: We should always, always break up together.
Phoebe: Ooh, I'd like that. Oh.

Rachel is still sad about her dyed clothes.

Ross: You got the clothes clean. That's the important part.
Rachel: Aw. I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now. Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Horrible Woman: Yeah, well I had a 24 inch waist. You lose things. Come on, get out of my way.
Rachel: Oh, I"m sorry. You know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this was our cart.
Horrible Woman: Hey! Hey! There weren't any clothes in it!
Rachel: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Quit making up rules!
Horrible Woman: Let go!
Rachel: Listen, Missy! If you want this cart you are going to have to take me with it!! Yes!! Did you see that?
Ross: You were incredible. A brand new woman ladies and gentlemen.
Rachel: Oh Ross. Thank you, thank you. I could not have done this without you.
Ross: OK, uh, um, more clothes in the dryer? K. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Ross and Rachel are at Central Perk after finishing their laundry

Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're OK?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Does it still hurt?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: What a neat idea! All your clothes match. I'm going to do this.

Joey and Monica come back from the restaurant.

Monica: Guys!
Phoebe: Hey, how did it go?
Joey: Excellent!
Monica: We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves.
Ross: What a beautiful story.
Monica: Yeah.
Ross: Hey, I'm fine, by the way.
Monica: Oh. I'm sorry.
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.

Chandler is running around outside Central Perk.