The Motivation Behind Mothers-in-Law....October 3, 1999

The Motivation Behind Mothers-in-Law....October 3, 1999

I wonder, whatever happened to those lazy-sleep-in-until-you-have-a-headache Sundays? Considering the fact that I have rarely experienced one in my thirty years, I guess it is a little late to be pondering their disappearance.

When I was younger, I dreaded Sundays. First, it was my Mother's insistence that we go to church. Since my Father never got out of bed to go, I figured I should not have had to either.

In school, my procrastinating alter made sure I would dread Sundays for twelve years straight, less a couple months in the summer, when the conditioning made me fear them anyway. How I remember vividly those early Sunday morning awakenings with the fear that I have really sunken myself deep this time.

"There is just no way that book is going to be read cover to cover and the report done by a semi-reasonable hour this evening", I would say to myself.

In my adult life, Sundays have invariably been devoured by the child-beast of Capitalism named Shift Work.

Today was no different.

After working with Damien all afternoon (which went unusually well; I think he actually missed me after taking some time off to get married), I came home to start studying my affidavit for a child guardianship case I have to testify in starting tomorrow. Having the trigger of past Sunday cramming sessions merge with the necessity to work on Sunday, it is a wonder I just did not take to my bed with a container of black-raspberry cheesecake ice cream and wait for tomorrow.

If I were not the key witness in this trial, with a 22 page affidavit to review, I would have been in bed before one could say, "Damn working Sundays!". "Damn them to Hell!"

The Friday before the wedding, September 17th, was horrifically busy. I would wager that The Goddess and I were busier than any other engaged couple the day before their wedding in all of history. I would also wager that any other married couple would say that they were. I am sure to break even on these bets at the very least.

I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed at an ungodly hour for anyone who had a Bachelor Party the night before. Regardless of the nocturnal festivities, it was an ungodly hour for this quintessential night owl. In a semi-comatose state, I scrubbed, tubbed, and tugged on some of the relatively clean clothing that lay on the floor of my bedroom. I barely had the faculties to make sure nothing I was wearing was what I had had on the night before.

Arriving at my future mother-in-law's, The Goddess was much, much too perky for me. I seethed silently. In a tequila induced haze, I sat while she paraded around as "The Bride", and showed me some of the shower gifts she opened the night before. I was thankful she did not see through my feigned interest. I would have been highly enthusiastic had she not insisted we get such an early start to the day.

In retrospect, she was right, however. We had a lot to do and barely got it all done as it was. Nevertheless, I must retell it like it was, I must be true to the feelings of the moment.

After perusing some of the gifts, we were on our way to drop CDs off to Lowlandz to copy for the ceremony, to the mall to get last minute attendant gifts as well as check on the status of the tuxs, drop various items of decor to the hotel where we were holding the ceremony, to my place three times because I kept forgetting my divorce papers, which I needed in order to get the marriage licence. Nothing like leaving things to the last minute. In the process of trying to obtain this most needed document, I was told that I did not have the appropriate papers declaring my divorce, and that the only place I could get them was the court house. At this time, it was after 3:00pm. Civil servants are renowned for being inconspicuous on Friday afternoons, and further, the court house was a half hour drive away. On top of this, let us not forget the grand music festival that was being held on this weekend, right in the area of the court house.

The spirits were on our side. We made it, and were able to procure the appropriate documents. The clerk told us there would be a $7.00 fee.

Invisioning my future mother-in-law, the expression on her face should we return home the day before the wedding unable to get a licence, I told the clerk with reverence that I did not care if they charged us $700.00. I asked why I was never sent the appropriate papers when my divorce was finalized, and the clerk stated that they do not issue divorce decrees anymore unless they are requested.

It is nice of Big Brother to let the general public know that.

Decree in tow, The Goddess and I went to get the licence, and by that time, we were exhausted.

With a half hour to rest (and I mean that literally...get your mind out of the gutter), we were on our way to the rehersal.

....Blessed Be...