"Dribs And Drabs...." May 20, 2000

"Dribs And Drabs...." May 20, 2000

Close To Midnight...

....and, I know, it has been a rather lengthy time since last I wrote anything in this forum. I have been at a loss for words, it is true; a situation exacerbated by the fact that the monitor that I borrowed from Alyx is finally breathing its last breath. Do not get me wrong, I sincerely appreciate the fact that dear friend Alyx was able to supply me with a monitor at all. It has just decided to give up the ghost, but it served me well.

However, it has been almost impossible to do anything on the computer lately with its perpetual flickering, and I cannot afford to purchase a new one. At least, I cannot at this very moment. I hate feeling so impoverished.

Exacerbating the financial situation is the fact that the agency I do most of my work with decided to arbitrarily change its remuneration schedule from weekly to monthly. They did this without any notice. All I received was a memo that read "effective immediately". Given the fact that The Goddess and I rely heavily on this income every week to see us through day to day, it was a devastating blow.

At this very moment, we have not even four dollars in our account, and no hope of getting any money for almost two weeks. Thankfully, we were able to borrow a hundered dollars from her brother, but I felt so ashamed that we were forced to resort to such measures. We were doing so well managing on our own.

I owe the ability to even be able to post anything tonight to sis, Dawne. She lent me her old monitor, thankfully. I had a difficult time asking her to be able to use it given all that we have gone through lately. The last thing I want her to think is that I want contact with her only when I need something. Nevertheless, when she called this evening to say that she had mom's car and would we be up for a visit with her and the kids, I took the opportunity to ask her about the monitor.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dawne. It is a great privilage to use the monitor, and was a very loving visit overall. That was the way things should be all the time, and I think you have realized that.

I will always love you, no matter what we are going thru.

Which brings me back to the remuneration fiacso. I have been so proud of The Goddess and my managing on our own for the most part. I have a great many issues about money, and most are not healthy. The fact that we have been able to sustain ourselves without anyone's help has been essential to me. That we are in a position of needing help is almost too much to bear.

I have so much of my pride wrapped up in money issues. I know it is not healthy. I just cannot help myself, sometimes......

....Blessed Be...