"Woes...." May 13, 2000

"Woes...." May 13, 2000

Close To Midnight...

....and lately I have been considering whether or not Mother has been having some moral, obligatory debate about pulling the plug on Ol' Man Winter. It has been frigid, damp, breezy, and overall unpleasant these last few days. While I normally enjoy the darker, ominous days, I can do without the cold temperatures, especially after so many months of them already.

Today was a refreshing change. It was for the most part bright, with enough cloud cover to appease my soul. Most of all, however, it was relatively mild. Not oppressively hot, not numbingly cold, it was just pleasant enough to walk around the outdoors with a sense of freedom and belonging. Virgin buds on narrow saplings burst forth in a hundred shades of green, stretching and searching for the sun's seed. One's day was greeted with the chirps of a plethora of morning birds, undoubtedly wondering how it is that they came back early this year. Critters scampered about lawns and fields with wild abandon, save being ever mindful of the many felines about just waiting to move in for a kill. Canines stretched and craned on their masters' leashes in hopes of pouncing on said kitty, and those not out and about walking their pups were nevertheless enjoying the perfect late Spring day dutifully performing yard tasks and hanging out laundry to dry.

I, on the other hand, found myself working this afternoon and this evening. Yet, in the company of clients, I managed to soak in part of the splendour today.

I have been feeling a great deal of stress as of late, and days like this seem to offer a natural respite to woes. My gripes are really nothing specific; it is life in general. Most days I am quite capable of facing the challenges this reality sets fourth for me. Sometimes I just feel like I am ready to succumb.

The Goddess' illness has been hanging on by a thin, loose thread, enough for her to still not feel quite right in herself. I have made many attempts to get her to outpatients', to no avail. I swear she is more stubborn than the typical sick man when it comes to seeking medical attention. And I am not about to drag a 34 year old woman kicking and screaming, even if seeing her sick is undoubtedly harder on me, emotionally at any rate.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and in light of recent events, I feel a great deal of sorrow in not being able to shower my mother in gifts and affection. I doubt I will talk with her at all. At the risk of merely validating for her the accusations that I am cruel and vindictive, I just do not feel like subjecting myself to her perpetual bitterness and anger. For whatever reason, she has chosen me as the target for all these unresolved emotions, and I have enough of my own to deal with.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom......

....Blessed Be...