"Breakthroughs"....February 23, 2000

"Breakthroughs"....February 23, 2000

Just Past Midnight...

...a time when I ought to be in bed, for it has been a long, arduous, tedious, tiresome day of doing nothing. And thanks to my car breaking down yet again, and the subsequent depression it brought on despite my valiant struggle to keep it at bay, I really do mean I did absolutely nothing today.

Except sleep. Or should I say hide in bed. But I did come out long enough to have a nap on the couch.

What depresses me most about the whole sorrid affair is not the perpetual breakdown of the car, the thousands it has cost to repair it all these times, or the lost money in cancelling client after client. No, what depresses me the most are the feelings of failure, that somehow I am letting the people that contract my services down. I begin to fear that they will deem me inconsistent, unreliable, or unable to handle the work that needs to be done.

So, in order to alleviate some of this pent up stress and depression, I intend to spend all day tomorrow working on overdue paperwork. Hopefully, even sans auto, I can feel as though I am being productive and professional. The Goddess will most surely help keep me in the office with promises of fresh provisions and maybe a blo....

ahem

Anyway, I am sure I will have no difficulty keeping on track. Here's hoping, at any rate.

Great news about my client, Cody, today. He got his first real, bonafide job, and I could not be more thrilled for him. Recall that Cody is the client that I have been seeing for going on five years now; he is the one that reminds me so very much of me at that age. He is some bizarre mirror to my younger, more innocent, but in a great deal more pain self. I suppose he is a reminder of where I used to be, and where I have gone. I just hope I can be a reminder to him of what is possible. Nevertheless, I am confident that the new job will greatly boost his self-esteem. It will be hard work, bring in a fast food joint and all, but he is capable, and stands to learn a great deal about the world he lives in and about himself.

Good luck, bud.

Another breakthrough occured today, and perhaps the most profound, if not the most relieving. The Goddess and I had to take the car to the shop today, of course. Our going anywhere means that we have to leave Moo in the house unsupervised, save Reekie. Her kennel is trashed, so until I can see if Lowlandz can fix it, we risk great domestic devastation in leaving Moo at home sans people. However, when we returned today, the house was exactly as we left it. Nothing was touched, chewed, maimed, destroyed, bitten, or mauled. There were no Moo cakes or puddles on the floor to clean up. I supposed it helped that The Goddess and I spent a half hour putting things up and away after the last time Moo had the opportunity to trash the place. Nevertheless, it did not appear that Moo even tried to get at anything. She knew she had done well, too, when we returned home. I could see it in her excited greeting and licks. And if she was not too sure, several treats, scritches, and exclaimations of "Good Girl!" certainly hit the point home.

Good girl, indeed, Moo......

....Blessed Be...