while the temperatures drop to below zero as night progresses outside our humble walls, I write in the warm, cozy wake of a predominantly harmonious weekend between The Goddess and me. At times it was close to sanctuary.

Our date Friday night was one of process, though not terribly negative. Over the most succulent Chinese Buffet in the city, we more or less poured our hearts out in looking back over the tumultuous year that was our first in marriage. I have not the energy to review in detail; I have written it all down before. One new revelation I had, however, was that I missed the Goddess I fell in love with, the one who was my best friend for six years before we became intimate, the rad-femme-fuck-societal-constructs woman who was both powerful and innocent. Over the last couple of years, she was replaced by an insecure, meek, obsessive, hysterical woman who had difficulty even getting up in the morning. She took this particular insight hard, and we as yet have sorted it all out, but she has agreed that there is merit in what I said.

I hope it is not too late to find her again.

Saturday evening we played host to a colleague of The Goddess' from work, and her life partner. It was a boisterous, yet relaxed evening full of both pleasant conversation and political debate. Somewhere in there, I caught a glimpse of my Goddess, with her pee all hot over social constructs of sexuality.

'Tis little wonder we made love after the company departed.

I worked all day today, so there was little chance to sour the euphoria that even now is maintaining itself.

Only one thing has marred this weekend. One of our critters is sick, as evidenced by the drops of blood we are finding on the floor. Given that some of them are around the litter box, we surmised that it was one of the cats. In isolating Will in the bathroom with a clean pan of litter, we discovered that it is she that is bleeding. Perhaps it is as simple as a nick in one of her paws. It could be something more complex, like internal bleeding. It is difficult to tell with her because her wild streak lends impossible the ability for us to examine her closely. We had coincidentally made appointments with the Vet for the pups' vaccinations tomorrow, and now Will will be joining us for the excursion.

It is difficult for me not to go back five years to when my irresponsibility contributed to my cat, Alex, dying. Glancing at thick, long haired, calico Will, I start to feel a wash of guilt and anxiety, and envision a black hole of grief, before The Goddess helps to pull me up a little.

I am quite afraid. I am not prepared for the worst...not yet...I am just not there yet.

I say a silent prayer to the Spirits that she will remain well, that it is not too late, that I have done right by her, and that she feels my love for her.

 

Be Well