Change of Season....October 21, 1999

Change of Season....October 21, 1999

The last gasps of Autumn's intoxicating splendour I hear heaving beyond the placidity of this candlelit room with each forceful gust of leaf blowing wind. After waking tomorrow morning and glancing at the treed riverbank from my bedroom window, I know that there will be less fall foliage to behold, to be replaced by bare, seemingly lifeless branches. With each breath of Nature, the branches appear to now shiver in anticipation of the first snowfall.

Such swift change is Autumn.

In the spirit of the season, I therefore ponder the rather radical familial changes of late. My marriage is on the top of that list. Coming in at a close second is my Mother's retirement from nursing.

Admist two ice cream scoops of heavily gravy laden mashed potatoes, frozen peas and carrots, and a slab of something resembling turkey, my Mother's colleagues bid her adieu this evening. For thirty years of dedicated service, she received a cheaply catered meal in a tastelessly decorated hall, the standard gold watch, and the honour of sharing the occassion with other retirees as well as colleagues celebrating their ten, fifteen, twenty, or twenty-fifth anniversaries of employment.

I wonder if she regrets putting her soul into that place, that hospital whose staff are as antiseptic as the floors and walls. I wonder if she has second thoughts about deciding to stay in a loveless marriage, which merely forced her to abandon her family and work fulltime, overtime, and all the time in that place in order to keep a roof over our heads.

But then again, she got the watch.

My mother's retirement reminds me of just how quickly time passes, how, just yesterday it seemed I was standing in my jammies while Dad dialed the phone so I could say goodnight to her before going to bed....

....when life was an infinite number of Autumns.

I worry now what she will do to get through her days. She did not leave her career voluntarily. Her health forced her to. Now, I fear she will sink deeper into depression and it will only be a matter of time before she abandons any hope of finding something to make her day worthwhile.

I hope Spring comes with haste for you, Mom.

....Blessed Be...