TheShocking Knowledge

I hate to do this, but this is yet again another story about my former friend Joe.

I gotta meet this guy.

I don't know why, but he all of these Shocking things happen when he is around.
Anyway, this story, dates back to my high school days. Joe invited my friend Matt and I to come over and spend the night or just go out... i'm not sure, but Matt and I were over there doing something. At some point Joe got a call from some girl who lived almost an hour away. She wanted to come over or something. Joe decided to drive out and get her. Matt and I weren't too crazy about the idea but decided we would go. When we got our things together Joe told us he was going alone. "What the **** are we going to do?" Joe replied, "You guys can just stay in my room..." and with that he left us alone in his house.

That scoundrel.

After about an hour and a half later, Matt and I were still in Joe's room, bored as hell, wondering when he was getting back.

I looked over to Matt and said, "I'll bet you a million dollars Joe has either porno magazines or movies under his mattress." Matt (the smart guy that he is) knew Joe's dad was the "porno king" so he didn't challenge my wager. We lifted up the mattress, and to our suprize... no magazines... no tapes... just two novels?

Novels?

Not really novels, they were porno "books." Books without pictures or anything. One was something about cheerleaders, the other was called, "Old Men Who Like Young Girls." That one had a drawing of an old guy kissing a very young girl. We couldn't believe our eyes, so we opened up the books and started reading out loud. The books kept us entertained for another hour or so. About two hours later, Joe arrived with a bunch of girls who wanted to go bowling. Matt and I were set on getting even with Joe for leaving us for so long, so Matt grabbed a flashlight, and I grabbed one of the books.

Sounds pretty sneaky.

When we got in Joe's mini-van with all the girls, Matt and I started passing the book around and reading parts to the girls... They thought it was funny. During the drive Joe finally figured out what we were doing and got really pissed. When we got to the bowling alley Joe got out of the van, came up to me and yelled, "What the **** was that for?" I told him, "You ditched us man... We're just hacking on you, that's all." Joe was very upset, so he decided to push me and say, "Now they're all going to know," then he walked into the bowling alley.

They're all going to know?

Now they're all going to know?... To know? To know what Joe?... That you're a raving psychotic pervert who has moved past immature porno magazines and movies to hardcore prono books!? I think these girls should know who they're dealing with.

The bowling alley was packed because of leagues, so the girls did the only thing they could do... go to the women's room at the same time. I thought it would be a good time to check out the men's facilities so I left, Matt followed. When we got in the bathroom we started laughing and Joe walked in with fire in his eyes. We thought it was funny because we were both much bigger and stronger than Joe... he couldn't do anything to us.

You big bully.

Joe pushed me again, but this time I threatened him with bodily harm, so he left us alone. When we rejoined the group, they had voted to go back home, so Joe was going to have to take them back. Matt and I thought it would be best if we did the same. When we got back to Joe's house, I got in my car and Joe knocked on my window. I decided not to drive away, so I rolled down my window to see what he wanted to say. Instead he says, "Sorry man" and offers his hand... I shook it, but now that I look back I should not have.

Sincerely,

Michael R.

Never shake hands with a guy who owns porno books/magazines/movies/etc.