IN PRISON....You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK.....You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON....You get three meals a day.
AT WORK.....You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON....You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK.....You get rewarded for good behavior with more work

IN PRISON....A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK.....You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON....You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.....You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON....You get your own toilet.
AT WORK.....You have to share.

IN PRISON....They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK.....You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON....All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK.....You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON....You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK.....You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

IN PRISON....There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.....They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON....You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK.....You get fired if you get caught.

Investigators at a major research institution discovered the heaviest element known to science and have tentatively named it ADMINISTRATIUM.

It has no protons, or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It has, however, 1neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reactions it comes into contact with. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally have occured in less than 1second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of assistant neurons, vice neurons, and assistant vice neurons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reogranization some of the morons become neutrons. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the  CRITICAL MORASS. You will recongnize it when in occurs.

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.
Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%. First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.

How can you achieve 100% in LIFE?

Begin by noting the following.

IF:
A=1 B=2 C=3 D=4 E=5 F=6 G=7 H=8 I=9 J=10 K=11 L=12  M=13 N=14 O=15 P=16 Q=17 R=18 S=19 T=20 U=21 V=22 W=23 X=24 Y=25 Z=26

Then:
H A R D W O R K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%

Similarly,
K N O W L E D G E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%

But interesting (and as you'd expect),
A T T I T U D E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%...This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.

But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is
B U L L S H I T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, and motivational speakers really mean when they want you to exceed 100%!

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours !

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

"Your future depends on your dreams"
Stop working. Go to sleep.