2000.02.13.

今天的天空很藍很藍, 遠遠望去, 竟然一片雲都沒有.
只有差不多兩分鐘的時間, 看到一片小小灰色的雲...
在天空孤單的遊走... 很像我嘛, 飄忽不定的感覺.
可以看成是自由, 其實也是一種寂寞...

*感覺 -- 飄浮...*

就算我只是你 生命中飄過的一片灰色的雲
也請你珍惜我的真情 和對你不變的心
就算我只是你 生命中飄過的一片灰色的雲
我在等待雨過天青 等到你像彩虹一樣的感情
灰色的雲 漂浮不定 沒有你的愛 孤單的雲找不到黎明
就算 就算我只是你 生命中飄過的一片灰色的雲
我在等待雨過天青 等到你的感情
(from錦繡二重唱--灰色的雲)


2000.02.16.

我又病了... x__X"
最近好像有很多事情在發生, 很多事情需要花很多時間和精力去理清, 
可是我就偏偏在這個時候病了!! *sigh*
也許是太累了, 所以最近比較懶得去想事情. 一想頭就會痛...
被迫認清, i don't have all the answers, and i can't help
everyone solve their problems. 有很多時候很多事是須要當事人
自己去面對的; 有時候做朋友的真的幫不上什麼忙. 頂多只能在旁邊
陪著他們吧. 如果是我面對傷心難過的事時, 我又會希望我的朋友們怎
樣對我呢? 老實說我還真的想不出來... 


2000.02.18.

我的trademark "hello0o0oo0o"
每個回音都像泡泡  就快要消失掉...
今天感覺很奇怪  情緒就是high不起來
帶著面具縱然很累  卻偏偏不能脫下來
誰看得出來  我疲倦的心  好煩好煩

你要我等你嗎  你低著頭卻不回答
雖然你想起我  你終究還愛著他
要我永遠等你嗎  你何時才想清楚呢
或者你想我永遠對你這樣  Da...Da...Da...哎呀呀呀 Da..

乖寶寶 不要吵 不要鬧  你只要負責逗別人笑
永遠只要別人開心了 你就好  寶寶乖 乖寶寶
不要吵... 不要鬧... 我很好 我很好...
我要保持微笑  不吵不鬧......

好久沒有翻出古巨基的CD
昨天晚上拿出來聽  不知不覺把音量扭大
不知不覺唱來出來  大概也是在不知不覺中唱得很大聲
一直到唱不出聲音來了  才想起自己是生病的人呢
最近每個朋友似乎都有很多煩惱
不知不覺中我把自己的煩惱都先拋到一旁了
我一直都是這樣的人吧  把朋友放在第一位
把自己放在最後一位  也許這樣我也可以暫時忘掉自己的不愉快
很多事都是"不知不覺"中發生的  是我太忙太累了嗎?
我也常常不知不覺的養成很多生活上的習慣
有人把這些小小的習慣叫做被"制約"
我是被制約了嗎? o-0
我只知道, 我好累喔...
雖然生病了可以在家裡多睡睡覺, 補眠
可是還是有一千件事需要我去煩心
有時候我希望我真的可以對任何人或事都不在乎,
你能了解這種感受嗎?
但是大部分的時候 i'm still glad to be the way i am.
也許我沒有什麼很特別的地方
but i'm special in my own way ba~
我在乎我的朋友們, that's me~
mind-reading*sheep~


2000.02.20.

i thought everyone eventually opens up to you
if u care enough and for long enough.
am i wrong or do i have to wait longer?

i think a lot of things, but that doesn't mean 
i have the right answers to anything.

i always blab on forever but rarely have a point
that i'm trying to make. why is that?

can fate be altered? or can it not?
and how can we ever tell if we've altered it or not?

i ask so many questions; 
who do i expect to answer them?
will i ever get any answers?
and if the answers lie in me,
how do i find them?

sometimes ppl call u a mystery,
and u reply 'well that's who i am.'
but is that what u want to be?
a mystery that no one understands?

why are we so afraid to let ppl see the real us?
the real one inside; all our emotions and feelings?

you think people don't care,
but do u give them a chance to care?

if we all were selfish and we all didn't care,
then what would happen to our world?
and if we all think it's not our responsibility;
we all think it's not up to us to change the world,
then whose responsibility is it?

we complain about the work of others,
why don't we go and do that work ourselves?

why am i asking all these questions when
i know i'm not gonna get any real answers?

why is the world of a 15 year old so complicated?

i'm so confused... but i won't stop believing.
i believe i can create my own path to happiness...
(i dunno how i'm gonna do that though... hmm)

*sigh* when will i learn to be more realistic?
but then wouldn't that kill my imagination?
*imagination is all i have*

我只是茫茫人海中  另一個孤單的背影
but not always...  只要你認出我;了解我
我對於你就不再只是一個背影
我的存在對於你來說是有意義的
我被付予了新的存在價值
這就是為什麼我們都需要朋友
這就是為什麼我們都渴望被人了解
這也是為什麼  我們要記得
隨時隨地不吝嗇的對周遭的人給予關心和鼓勵
他們相對的也會回過來關心和在乎你

i cannot and don't want to stop thinking
i believe that what i think is what i'm made up of
if i stop thinking then i cease to exist
....... i like thinking


2000.02.21.

我算哪根蔥... *sigh*
i'm just chi chi dei melody...
一隻發現自己其實不快樂的失眠羊...
想講話又不知道要說什麼
知道自己實在太傻卻又回不了頭
我的路一直延伸沒有終點也沒有休息站
我停不下來也不能轉彎
要一直走下去到走不下去為止
抱怨都是多餘  這就是"fate"吧


2000.02.22.

慘... 想讀書又無法專心, 感覺很累但又睡不著.
what happened to me, 我真的想不透...
明明過得好好的, 為什麼悲傷的感覺卻突然湧現;
像打翻了飲料杯那樣的突然, 也不知道是怎麼會打翻的
只知道悲傷的情緒一洩露出來, 就一發不可收拾.
我到底可以做什麼, 怎樣才能忘記憂鬱呢...
好煩... who can tell me how to forget to think...


2000.02.23.

我應該要怎麼選擇呢? 夢想還是現實?
沒想到everything really adds up,
我現在就要做選擇了, 要做心理醫師還是開一家小小的咖啡店?
真是麻煩的system, 現在選的課竟然關係著我的未來.
我只是不想讀了一大堆的書然後再突然覺悟: 那不是我想走的路, 你懂嗎?
i'll been making that mistake all my life, i keep on thinking
that "i can handle this, this isn't much at all, wouldn't 
matter to just work a little harder than everyone else." But
in the end i always realize, that's not what i really want. 
i want to be happy, but that doesn't mean i want to work that
hard for my future happiness. i want to be happy right now, and 
i won't be able to be happy right now if i have to worry about
that many things. 真是麻煩~ 煩煩煩煩...

如果我做選擇的時候可以放開一點就好了, 
不要成日提心吊膽後果會是如何, 那樣真的很累~
不過我好像一直都是這樣的一個人吧, 從小到大~
我被環境訓練成這樣的: 我要對家人負責, 
我要對長輩負責, 對老師負責, 對每個人負責,
有時候覺得很是對不起自己, 一路踏著別人為我鋪的路.
現在好一點了吧~ 
but... the coffee shop...

almost everyday i run the plan through my head : how i want the
coffee shop to look like, how i'm going to run it, the principles
and the designs... everything... everyday i make some little 
changes, modify it a bit... it becomes more and more true, it's
almost as if this coffee shop does exist. and it's becoming 
harder and harder for me to remember that this is just a dream...
something that's just thought up for the fun of it, not for
real... so what should i do? go against all the odds, risk the
chance of failing completely, and go for it? :(


2000.02.29

they always say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.
--- andy warhol.

the bad thing about experience is that
it teaches u the stuff u don't want to know.
--- (unknown)

my philosophy is that not only are u responsible for ur life,
but doing the best at this moment puts u in the best place for
the next moment.
--- oprah winfrey.

doing what u want to do is crucial to acheive happiness,
but it's not always possible to do as u wish...
--- melody 98'