i've always wondered about you, my child. i wondered what kind of personality you might have. i wonder what kind of fun things we might do together. i wondered if perhaps you look like me. i wonder what your skin feels like. what your hair smells like. what kind of music you will grow to like. it's a mother's thing, mothers want to know everything.
the one fundamental thing i need you to know, is i love you. my own mother told me once, "one strike on your body, one cut in my heart." the same saying applies here. no matter what, my heart is yours to keep, and anything you do affects me much more than you can imagine. no matter what happens, at the end of the day, realize that i will always be thinking of you, loving you.
however, the second thing you need to know, is that though i love you so, your life does not belong to me. your life is your own and only you are responsible for it. even as your mother i do not wish to control your life. and no one else should. do you have a mind of your own? a soul of your own? follow your mind, follow your instincts. they will bring you to places you didn't think you could go.
but don't think it'll be easy, my love. life isn't meant to be easy, life is meant to let you grow. sometimes, you will make mistakes. perhaps huge mistakes. but do not ever regret your mistakes, because no matter how terrible you think you've fouled up, there's a way to remedy it. perhaps you would have to take a different path, perhaps a longer one. but as long as you keep walking, and get your direction right again, you will get there. perhaps a different path will instead bring you to a different, and better destination. do not waste time looking back, there is only one past, but there're infinite possibilities of a future.
i like to think of life as a river, a dangerous river that threatens to throw you against the rocks, sweep you into strange swamps, whatever other dangerous stuff you can imagine. but remember, as long as you keep your head up, your legs straight, relax, be alert, and look ahead, you will be fine. some days, the currents slow down, you're getting the hang of it and you're having a good time. other time, you get trapped in a whirl pool, and you don't seem to be going anywhere, and you desperately wish someone would come save you. good or bad, these are your adventures, treasure them. at the end of it all, the river will bring you to the ocean. when you get there, you will realize what your adventures really mean - they were meant to bring you to realize your place in the big picture.
what is your place in life? what's the meaning of it all?
the meaning of life, is to bring meaning to life, if that makes sense to you. you are my child, you have already added beauty and joy to my life. i'm sure one day you will have your own child, and you will also touch his/her life. but think of it, there're plenty more you can touch, with your presence, and your love. love your family, your friends, your fellow human beings, your fellow creatures of earth. it's easy to say, i know, but difficult to do. sometimes it takes someone mean, to make you rethink everything, to why you should be doing all that. if it's all worth it. i cannot give you any rationalization, because it doesn't make any sense at all, how you can keep loving, and never run out of it; how you can keep giving and still feel so fulfilled in your heart. you'll just have to take my word for it, treat it as a gamble, i guarantee it will bring you the most beautiful adventures in your life.
i'll be lying if i say i know all the answers, of course i don't, i'm mere human. but i want to share all these with you, see if they may help you in your own journey. i worry that you will get hurt but i'd rather you feel everything a human is to feel, including pain and sorrow, joy and bliss. i worry that you will make the wrong choices, but i'd rather you take responsibility for your decisions, so you will have the courage and wisdom to learn from your mistakes, and become more aware of your own strengths and limitations.
perhaps by now you would already have learnt all that, through your own tumbling and swimming in your own river of life. perhaps you would say, why did you tell me earlier? well, my dear, if you're truly my child - and children go grow to become their parents, they say - would you have listened?
remember, i will always love you.