...140702, 1026hr, central time...

actually i called home yesterday morning, but everyone was already asleep by then. [it was only 10.30pm!] in his groggy voice, my dad told me that he's leaving for a business trip the next morning and won't be back for a week. he said to call back again today a little bit earlier, and that he said he'll tell mom to wait for my call. before we hung up though, he asked, "is everything okay? are you okay?" so much so much i could have said, but i figured it's better to let him sleep well, and go on his business trip with a peaceful mind. so i replied, "yeah, everything's okay."

this morning i called home again, and indeed mom was waiting for my call. she was in such a cheery mood, she was literally shouting into the phone, i think a little giggly too. oooh. giggly mom. hmm. i think her excitement comes partly from the fact that we've not spoken for more than a month now, cos it seems that everytime i call, she's either not in or she's already asleep. so finally, today i got to speak to her.

gleefully, she said, "so how? any good news for me? eh, i waited up for you to call, if you don't have good news for me it's all wasted and i won't be able to go to sleep! so?"

i didn't know what to say anymore. well. good news? how about some bad news instead? i didn't really want to tell her anything, cos i know she'd worry for me, and it didn't seem right, to start the conversation with such negativity.

but anyway after some hawhawhumhum-ing, i finally told her everything. first about the ankle, about which she expectedly scolded me for not seeing a doctor immediately. the exact same reaction she had, 4 years ago when i similarly sprained my ankle at a school camp and refused to go home to see a doctor. i didn't want to tell her the sprain is more serious this time than the last, but i think she got freaked out by the crutches part anyway.

she was surprisingly calm about the news about alvin though, think she expected it to not work out anyway. so indeed, later in the conversation, she told me that with everything that i've told her about him, she already felt that he's not the right guy for me anyway. because he didn't know to treasure me. ah, the biased mom who thinks her daughter always the most perfect and desirable girl on earth.

my brother was absolutely hilarious, he said, "eh, congratulations!! oh, i'm so happy for you. now you can go find someone even better!"

honestly, i couldn't help but laugh.

by the end of the phonecall, i've heard about 100 times "don't worry, you'll find someone." though i'm not actually worried about that, i guess it's natural they assumed i'll be looking for another someone. then my mom said, before we hung up, "please don't be sad. i don't want my daughter to be sad all the way over there without me." almost made me cry. almost. but nah, i'm still okay.

am i still sad? yes. of course. but there's nothing to worry about.

i think the sadness will stay in me for some time, life isn't meant to be all happiness and sunshine all the time anyway. maybe it's just me, but i think everyone's got a little bit of sadness in them, no matter how smoothly everything goes. it's only a matter of balance. i think i'm pretty balanced right now. despite sounding like some tearjerker drama queen, i know i can find plenty of other things to be happy about. like minz buying me a cutesy guo hua from beijing. like finally getting to talk to my mom. like my dad's business getting slightly better. like fulfilling my dream of studying in japan. like my little bro being so cheekily happy in his own relationship. [he says, "so now, you jealous of me?" grrrr, only he can do that to me without sounding like the biggest jerk on earth.] so much more.

lalala. today is a brand new day, a day i shall commit to studying for my exam on tuesday. much work is to be done, since i've missed so many classes in the past week. definitely need to buck up. i think i should also see the doctor tomorrow about my ankle, again, because it's hurting more now, and the swelling isn't going down anymore. taking care of myself, everything's well and good.