Seriously, I would love to sit around with women and talk to them as a woman and find out what they really want from men. Guys are totally clueless. But even if I discovered the secret, changed back to a man, and told my friends, they probably wouldn't believe me.

Things change slowly, as Don Henley once sang on the Eagles' Long Run album, "if they ever change at all." So it is with married couples. It's only when spouses accept that they can't really change each other that the mature marriage becomes possible. With the pressure gone to be someone else, each of you gets to relax and be who you are. There are risks, however. With nothing left to nag each other about, the energy that also kept the marriage together might evaporate and the whole thing could come apart like your intestines during a bad bout of Montezuma's revenge. Then it's adios amoebas.

But it's not all bad news.

Some married couples can accept and understand what's really important to their spouses. They learn how to compromise. For instance, when a friend of mine realised how much it bugged his wife when he left his underwear on the living room floor, he took it off in the kitchen instead.