These are the Jokes Folks, a billion one.
(Clean Jokes)

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.

Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths!

A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won.

Late one Saturday evening, Eve was awakened by the ringing of her phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice she said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"

Since Eve don't have any daughters, she knew the person had misdialed. "I'm sorry dear, " she replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."

"Gosh, Mom, "came the young woman's voice, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."

The 7 dwarves go off to the mine and leave Snow White at home. Some time later there's a huge explosion and Snow White goes rushing off to see what's happened. When she gets there all she can hear is this squeaky voice coming from down the mineshaft saying "Windows NT is the Operating System of the future".

Thank God she says - at least Dopey is still alive !

ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI!

A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa. The wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her. "Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight. "And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well," answered the husband, " I have to go and get my teeth."

Beauty is only a light switch away.

Little Johnny was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.

This upset the teacher, who said him, "Johnny, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!"

So, Little Johnny left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said, "So Honey, didn't expect ME, did ya?"

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

A scientist was successful in cloning himself. He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology. "My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's an IDIOT!" The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to, "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists," Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb JERK couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SOB!"

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him and threw him out of the window. The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.

The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement.

"Well," retorted the police chief, "we can not let this heinous act go unchallenged." The police chief thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for "Making an obscene clone fall..."

A man showed some friends his apartment. One guest asked "What's that big brass basin for?"

"That's the talking clock," answered the man. He gave it an ear shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off! Don't you know that it's 2 a.m., you idiot?"

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

I'm gradually getting my body back into shape - at least twice a week I think about doing some exercise.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Get me outa here!!!

This is the previous entry.

This is the previous set of jokes.

Wanna read the next joke entry?

Wanna read the next non-joke entry?

Take me back to the list

---

Michael Kadish

"People do not quit playing because they grow old ... They grow old because they quit playing." -Oliver Wendell Holmes