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Opticians
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Human
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Mahahtir's
call to restore democracy not an April Fool joke
Malaysia
in danger of losing world record
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Wall to prevent entry of 'bad influences'
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apology media reports
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Malaysia in danger
of losing world record
| Malaysia faces the prospect of losing a world
record when it was revealed that the world's oldest virgin is not Malaysian.
Malaysia stunned the scientific world in 1998 when bankrupt fashion designer
Ummi Thurman Ali revealed in numerous press conferences and articles that,
at 33, she was still a virgin.
"Saya masih dara," cooed the alleged virgin
in a canary yellow, knee-length Christian Dior skirt, with matching Versace
jacket and open-necked Chanel blouse.
However, a defence witness in the Anwar Ibrahim trial,
Nor Azman Abdullah, this month testified that he had sex with Ummi. "We
had sex when we went to London for five days in June 1998," he claimed.
It is not known if this occurred on all five consecutive days and nights,
or if there were breaks in between.
Ummi's brother lent weight to the claim when he testified
this month that she had "run away with a married man overseas."
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Ummi: No longer world's oldest virgin?
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"These testimonies are certainly a blow to the country,"
said a spokesman for the Malaysia Boleh World Records Association. "We
are now scouring the country for alternative virgins who are as old as
the current record holder, if not older."
Court testimony this month also revealed that Ummi's late
father had disowned her because of this illicit affair, completely wrecking
her chances of winning the Marina Mahathir Daughter of the Year Award.
Wall to prevent entry of 'bad influences' into Melaka
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Sources in the Melaka State Government today revealed
that Melaka is considering building a 100-foot high Melaka Wall around
the state to ensure that 'bad influences' from Kelantan and Terengganu
do not encroach into the State.
The move is a follow-up to the announcement this month
that Melaka government departments and agencies are banned from making
official vists to the PAS-ruled states of Kelantan and Terengganu. Chief
Minister Mohd Ali Rustam said the ban was to ensure Melaka government staff
were "protected from the bad influences" of the two states.
A State Government spokesman who refused to be named said
that preventing Melakans from going to those states may not be enough to
'protect' them. "Hopefully, the Wall will shut out those 'bad influences'
more directly."
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Modelled along the lines of the Berlin Wall, the Melaka
Wall will be built along the complete length of the state's borders. Constructed
of reinforced concrete, it will be lined with barbed wires, electric fences,
guard dogs and machine gun posts to deter any incursions by Kelantan and
Terengganu residents. Special electronic sensors will also be installed
at entry points to detect 'budu' and any other substances that may be of
Kelantan or Terengganu origin.
Melaka residents who visit other states in Malaysia will
also be screened by medical teams to ensure that they had not been exposed
to people from Kelantan and Terengganu. Special quarantine camps will be
set up for those infected, where they will be decontaminated of all 'bad
influences' by being forced to listen to videotaped speeches of Ali Rustam
for 500 hours continuously.
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