Dyne the Dagger submitted this-****
The Big Bang
Dyne the Dagger, a warrior mouse who was staying in Camp Willow, was awakened
by the young squirrel, Streak. Streak was winded from his run to Dyne's hut."A
ship... It blew up... I saw it..." Streak mumbled."A ship blew up near
Salamandrastron"
"Settle down" Dyne yelled."I will check it out. Dyne ran to his ship THE WAVE
ARROW.
Dyne's Log:Part one
After receiving the news of the explosion I decided to investigate. The
explosion was near Salamandrastron so I headed there. After stepping off THE
WAVE ARROW I was greeted by a tall lanky hare."Blooming' big bang eh old chap?
My name is Banderlog Brandlebury Browsnip bloomin' bunch of B's wot, wot"
"Suppose so" I agreed.
"So Sah, you here to investigate the bally big bang?"
"Yes, Grath sent me!"
"Ah Grath what a wonderful gel, if only see were a hare"
"But Bandlebog Brindleburgy Brewsnap or whatever your name is, what do you
know about the er, big bang?"
"Bad form Sah, to bungle up an officers name. But you can call me Bander"
"Thank you Bander but what about the explosion?"
"That's why I am here Sah, I was sent to investigate, by the long patrol,
doncha know"
"Okay let's work together to find out what happened"
"Right behind ya Sah"
We walked around the shore but found nothing.
"No clues here Bander"
"You spoke to soon Sah"
Bander's ears stood straight up on end and he ran over to a rock, behind it
was an old dormouse.
"Why Raclaw why?"The dormouse mumbled.
"Who is Raclaw?"I asked.
"A rat, a terrible rat, the fool blew us up!"
"How?"
"He has a powerful weapon...grog!"
"grog!?"Bander and I yelled in unison.
"Yes, grog, he calls it Death Mist but all it is,is
grog"
"But gorg is not explosive, it is only flammable"
"Liquid grog is flammable but gaseous grog is explosive"
"It can't be true!"
"It is. When grog becomes a gas it is filled with more oxygen than normal and
becomes explosive. He creates it by heating up grog over an open flame and
getting his hench-rats to collect it in barrels. Then he took a barrel and
threw it onto our ship after that he shot a couple of flaming arrows in to
it. The ship went sky high"
"How do you know all this?"
"He told us before he blew us up. He was lauging the whole time."
"What a awful rat! How did you survive?"
"I was lucky, the explosion threw me clear and I landed away from the flaming
wreckage"
"Well if this is true we have a powerful new enemy"
"I will die soon. The swim to shore was to hard for my poor heart. Please
don't allow Raclaw to kill any more innocent people."
"I swear on my Daggers to stop him!" I yelled.
"I bally well swear to kill the blighter!" Bander bellowed.
The dormouse died happy. Knowing Raclaw would not live long. I said goodbye to
Bander. He wished to report back to the
Long Patrol before he headed after Raclaw. I climed aboard THE WAVE ARROW and
set of after Raclaw.
Got some constructive critisism about this story that will help Dyne become a better writer? E-mail it here so I can post it.
Matichel submitted this story of a sunrise-*****
Matichel yawned as she tumbled out of bed. The stone floor of Redwall’s infirmary felt cold against her tiny paws as she involuntarily shivered. The night before, she had made sure the door was left ajar. That way, she wouldn’t have to make a lot of noise opening it. Even though she was a dibbun, she was a pretty sharp dibbun. Quietly, Matichel scurried down the abbey steps, and through the Great Hall. She gazed at the tapestry, peering at Martin’s picture as if expecting it to come alive. As always, the sight of Martin and his great big sword inspired her to become a great warrior; at the same time, he comforted her with his mere presence. Remembering what she was going to do, Matichel reluctantly left the hall. Even as she emerged from the abbey building, the slow rays of dawn were already spreading across the morning sky. Chiding herself for wasting her time, she quickly raced up the battlement steps. Her tail suddenly caught beneath her mousy paws, and she fell backwards. The world seemed to have suddenly turned upside-down. She felt big paws close in around her, breaking her fall. Mother Mellus’ kind badger face looked at her, and motioned her to be silent. Matichel obliged, not making a sound. No words passed between them as Mother Mellus carried her up to the top of the rampart, cradling Matichel in her arms. She snuggled up to the badger mother’s warm fur, yawning for she did wake up very early. As they reached the top, dawn’s sunny smile enveloped them. All sleepiness left her tiny body as she espied Mossflower. Gazing in wonder, Matichel viewed Mossflower Forest as if she had never seen it before. Indeed, it was a splendid sight! The sun rose as a hazy ball of scarlet fire. The forest was just as magnificent, showing every shade of green; from light to bright, form dark to stark. The shadows lurked everywhere, but more and more sunlight filled the forest with its radiance every moment. Never had she viewed a sight more dazzling and brilliant. Now the sun was a saffron orb of light, growing brighter in each passing second. As Matichel’s gaze wandered, she caught a glimpse of the sky. The altocumulus (Simeon had taught her that word) clouds were a rainbow of colors, ranging from a rich orange to a mysterious dark blue. Each little cloud showed off his own extraordinarily luminous hue. Her eyes caught the twinkle of the morning star just before it vanished from her sight. All at once the sun grew in its immense glory, shining forth with its rays of golden light. All the world sparkled under the resplendent beams streaming from the sun. Matichel gasped in awe at the mere sight of the aureate orb. The sun had risen, and she wondered in awe at the stunning scene. Never had she imagined that it would be this magnificent. She couldn’t wait to tell all the other dibbuns about the sight. Tomorrow, they could all come up on the abbey walls to watch the sunrise. With that thought in mind, she curled up in a little ball of fur, whiskers touching tail, as Mother Mellus carried her back to the infirmary.
Got some constructive critisism about this story that will help Matichel become a better writer? E-mail it here so I can post it.
This next one comes to us from Juniper Arrowlance-****
A Warrior's Heart
It was a beautiful sunny day, and the waters of the River Moss rippled
and flowed musically. The young squirrel skipped along the bank, pausing
now and then to wait impatiently for his elder, an older squirrel to
catch up. Finally, the young squirrel stopped running, and falling in
step with the older one, the two walked slowly along the warm, sloping
banks of River Moss.
Presently, the young one spoke, "Doralk, why is there an Abbey Warrior
for Redwall? I thought we are peaceful creatures." The older squirrel
Doralk smiled at his young charge. "Son, you're right, we are peaceful
woodlanders. But it doesn't mean that other creatures are peaceful. On
occasions, there will be enemies attacking us and we'll have to defend
ourselves. That's the job of our Abbey Warrior: to lead us in battle and
to victory."
The young squirrel thought for a moment, then asked, "Then, if there
are so many bad'uns out there, why don't we just kill them all?"
Doralk patted his young friend's small ears. "Young one, you don't
understand. Yes, we have to protect our Abbey against all dangers, but
we're defending, not attacking. All we want to do in battle is to keep
Redwall from being captured by vermin. And even when vermin are hurt, we
still take them in and heal them and provide for them. We're not out to
kill."
"But what about Martin the Warrior? He killed many bad'uns." Doralk
smiled patiently at the excitable young squirrel. "Martin killed the
evil ones for a good cause. The woodlanders were living under slavery in
the evil one's claws. Martin killed them so that the good woodlanders
would live in peace and freedom. Eventually, Redwall also came to be.
Martin was a brave and courageous warrior, but he was also kindhearted,
honest and upright. That's how a warrior's heart should be like."
The young squirrel listened in awed silence. Then later he said, "Well,
I'm going to be like Martin the Warrior, good and honest and brave. I'm
going to become the Abbey Warrior!"
That young squirrel's name was Samkim, and later, he did become the
Warrior of Redwall Abbey.
Here's another from Juniper-****
An Interesting Lesson
The young female hare loped ahead of her older, steadier and higher
ranked companion. Pausing now and again, she tapped her footpaw
impatiently until he caught up, then dashed off ahead to wait for him
further on. Finally, the young hare lost her patience.
"Oh, get your footpaws movin', Dag, and step up t'it, chap! We'll never
make it t' Sala before sundown!"
Dagfer paused and looked at his young charge with an air of mock
exasperation. "Patience young rip, that's wot you need t'step up to.
Besides, you're not supposed t'be harin' off like that, Lieutenant."
Deodar snorted impatiently. "Arr, you sure are a card, Major. Never had
fun 'n' games in yore life eh, wot?"
"I had m'share of it alright. 'Twas me harin' off that took out m'leg,
during the Long Patrol. Paid dearly for fun 'n' games, y'know." Dagfer
shuffled his lame right leg. "So patience, young one."
"Huh, patience indeed." The younger one grumbled. "Wot's so great about
patience? You never see or find anythin' inneresting with patience."
Dagfer winked at Deodar. "That's when yore wrong, Deodar. Patience
brings new and innersting events to a beast. Wait, and adventure will
come to you."
Unconvinced, Deodar loped off. While they were talking, the sun had set
lower in the sea and before long, stars began to wink in the sky. Deodar
sped up her pace, determined to return to Salamandastron before it
became too late. Suddenly, there was a shout from Dagfer. Turning, she
saw him pointing at the dark night sky. "Did you see that?"
"What was it?"
"A falling star! Oh, you must've missed it, it was one bright star! My,
I wonder where it landed." The older hare's eyes were shining. "Too bad
you missed it."
"Oh shards, why did you see it instead of me? I haven't seen a falling
star before." Deodar lamented. Dagfer thumped her shoulder. "Don't worry
yer head 'bout it. Y'see, surprises come t' those who wait! You don't
need to find adventure and surprises, they'll come t'you. If you only
had waited with me, you 'udve seen the star."
Deodar was silent. What Dagfer said was very true, she admitted. Oh
well, it seemed like they were to spend another night on the sandy
beach.
The next morning, Dagfer was surprised. He thought that Deodar had
learnt her lesson. But, as usual, the female hare was rushing off way
ahead of him, and waiting while he caught up. At one point, he
confronted her. "M'gel, thought y' learnt your lesson, did you?"
"'Course I did, Major. See? I ain't complaining about waiting for you!
Patience does pays, you're right. See, I've seen a crab digging a hole
in the sands, talked to a swift and learnt about catching insects, found
these neat seashells on the beach... Better get goin'! Take yer time,
Dag, I'm off to wait for new adventures!"
Dagfer chuckled as he watched the irrepressible hare scurry off again.
What a young, feisty gel. Maybe, he wasn't too old to have fun 'n'
games, after all.
Got some constructive critisism about these stories that will help Juniper become a better writer? E-mail it here so I can post it.
Here is a story sent in by Starbob Fleetpaw-****
A sister to the rescue
I stalked nearer to the vermin camp. A couple of days ago they snuck into mine and my sisters' camp and kidnapped my sisters. They stole our supplies and weapons. Except for my Verminsmacker. I clutched the handle tightly as I crouched in the bushes by the camp. I watched as the sentries patrolled. "They won't be patrolling much longer"I thought. As they walked by me, one quick motion was all it took. They were dead before they even knew what happened. I could see my sisters in a cage in the middle of the camp. This made me mad. I had always been very protective of my sisters because I am the oldest. As soon as the whole camp was asleep I snuck to the cage. As I shook Rosalyn gently she whimpered and rolled over. I was afraid that she had awoken the vermin. Giving up on waking them up before I got the cage open I quickly and silently picked the lock. It was flimsy and only took a quick turn before it opened. I clamped one paw over each of my sisters' mouths I took my powerful hind legs and kicked them both very gently in the stomach. That woke them up. As soon as I thought it was safe I took my paw of their mouths. As soon as I removed my paw Rosie said loudly "Starbob! Why did ya' have to kick me that hard?" Of course this woke the whole camp up. "Go", I told them "I'll hold them off." "But Starbob, you'll get killed" Rosalyn said with a tremor in her voice. " We'll be lost without you." Rosie pitched in. "You'll be fine", I reassured them, "But go and let me do my job". I told them. They turned and sped off through the forest. Suddenly, with a strength born of desperation, I just started killing everything within my reach. "If I have to go I'm taking this horde with me." " Eulaliaaaaaaaa!" I yelled throwing myself into the vermin. I don't know what happened next but when I awoke I was laying in the camp, surrounded by dead vermin. I realized that I had actually killed a vermin horde all by my self. I stood slowly and then thought of my sisters and took of running, despite wounds and all. I staggered into the camp and fell over with exhaustion. But I would live.
Starbob Fleetpaw sent in another story-****
Salamandastron
The waves lap no to the sand. All is silent. Then suddenly, you can hear a noise from inside the mountain you are standing in front of. It is the sound of metal on metal. You realize that you must be at your destination: the mountain of fire lizards. Salamandastron! Old traveler’s stories have held you captivated for as long as days at a time. Suddenly, a blow from behind knocks you out. When you regain conciseness you realize you are tied to a pole. Your instinct tells you, you have been captured by searats. You have heard stories about the cruel and ruthless searats. You thankfully observe that they have not noticed you are awake yet. You sit there for hours, or so it seems. Then been traveling for almost a season to get here. You have always dreamed of joining the Long Patrol and now your dream has come true.they notice you are awake. One of them draws their sword and walks towards you. Just as the searat reaches you "Eeeeuuuuuuuulllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllliiiiiiaaaaaaaa!" The battle cry rings through the air. The searats panic and run at the sound of the famed cry of the Long Patrol hares and badger lords. After the searats are slain big, gentle paw reaches down and releases you. You stretch out legs. You have always dreamed of joining the Long Patrol and now your dream has come true.
And now a very short story from Starbob-***
The United Warriors of Victory Mountain and the Wanderers of Mossflower: an alliance
The Warriors of Victory Mountain sit at a giant table in the dining hall in Victory Mountain. At the head of the table are the Fleetpaw sisters, Starbob(at the very head) Rosalyn(to the right) and Rosie(to the left). At the other end, the leader of the sister group, Brook, is seated. It is time for the great feast and Brook brought her troops to the mountain. Then the cooks bring out the food. There is so much food that both groups feel stuffed just looking at it but they know they will have no problem eating it all(because there's a lot of hares in both groups). After the food is gone all the members of both groups sit back and talk. Then Brook and her wanderer's leave to go back to there headquarters deep in Mossflower country. While the UWOVM stay at Victory Mountain which is at the edge of Mossflower woods.
Have you got any constructive critisism for Starbob Fleetpaw that will help make her a better writer? Send it here so that I can post it!
Got any creative critisism that will help make Juniper a better writer? Send it here.