Buffy had finally told her friends about us. They were pretty wigged out at the beginning, but the part about me being soul-having calmed them down. I like Buffy's friends. They all care so much about each other. That Xander-guy, he doesn't like me so much. Must be the fact that I tried to kill him and the rest of the Gang a couple of times. She still has to tell Angel and her Mom.
Here we are, at Buffy's place. Her mother will be coming home any minute now. Buffy decided to tell her mother about me and her seeing each other.

"Okay," Buffy said "Everything's ready."
"Do you really think that she's gonna wigg out ?"
"Believe me, she is. Oh, here she comes. Only talk when you're been talked to, allright ?"
"Sure, pet."

Her Mom freaked out big time when she saw me in the living room. I wonder if she knows that I'm a vampire. I really hope she doesn't.

"Buffy ! And Spike. Uh, how are you, Spike ?"
"I'm fine, thanks, and you ?"
"Very well, thank you. Buffy, can I talk to you in the kitchen ?"
"Sure, Mom."

I didn't hear anything of their conversation. I guess it went OK, I didn't hear any screams. Tonight, Buffy and I are meeting her friends at the Bronze. I truly hope that her friends and I'll get along.

Buffy and I were in her room, making out. Since we had something like an hour before going to the Bronze, we decided to have a little time to ourselves.

"You know what, Spike ?"
"No, ducks."
"You've never told what happened to Drusilla."
"Believe me pet, you don't wanna know."
"Of course I wanna know ! So, tell me."
"I killed her."
"What ?! Why ?"
"'Cuz she tried to kill me."
"Oh, so it was more of a self-defence thing. Why would she wanna kill you ?"
"She found out that I didn't love her anymore, that it was you that I was thinking of. Dru was kinda jealous."
"Oh. So it wasn't one of 'we can still be friends' kinda break-up. Too bad."
"What, do you like those kinda break-ups ?"
"I don't *like* them, it's just that I think that, I don't know, they're easier to deal with."
"Have you ever had one of those break-ups ?"
"Well, no, but I know how they are."
"What ? You've seen one on T.V ?"
"No ! Well, actually, yes. Anyway, we should be going to the Bronze now."
"Is your Mom gonna let you take her car ?"
"Don't think so. What about your car ?"
"Yeah, we can take mine. Is Angel gonna be at the Bronze ?"
"Dunno. I don't think so. Why ? Do you wanna see him ?"
"Of course not. Don't you remember that he stole my home, my girlfriend, and made my life a living Hell for about five months ?"
"Oh, that. But it was Angelus that did that, not Angel."
"Yeah, right. Let's go."

She still loves him. I can't blame her for that, can I ? But still, I want her to think about me, not him. It seems to me like I'm always getting Angelus' left-overs. And that's the part I'm not liking. First there was Drusilla. When Angel's soul was restored, she came to me. And then, there's Buffy. I love her so much that it hurts. I guess Angel does too. At last, something we've got in common. Well, we do have the vampire issue and the soul issue. But he and me are so different. I *so* hope that he's not at the Bronze.

"Spike ? Spike ? Hello ?"
"Huh ? What did you say ?"
"You just drove past the Bronze !"
"Oh, sorry. I was lost in my own universe. Here we are. Let's go inside."

All of Buffy's friends were there. God, it's uncomfortable. Willow was the first one to talk.

"Hey, Buffy ! And Spike. Hey Spike too."
"Yeah, right. Hey."
That Xander-guy still doesn't like me. There's also Oz. I can see he's pretty smart, but there's something different about him. Maybe he's one of the few that will accept me after a while.
"So, Spike. How does it feel to have a soul ?" Xander said, "Is it tortured ?"
"Actually, no. I feel great. And you know why ? 'Cuz my soul wasn't restored because someone wanted me to suffer."
"Always have an answer to everything, huh ? What would you say if I told you that I invited your life-time pal, Angel ?"
"You didn't !"
"Actually, no, I didn't, but the look on your face was priceless."
"Xander," Willow said, "Can't you even try to get to know him ? He pretty much saved the world once."
"Saved the world ? I mean, he beat up Angel, and God knows how grateful I am for that, but that's it."
"C'mon, I *did* have a little part in the world-saving play ! Buffy, tell him I did."
"Xander, Spike had a part in the world-saving play. Can we dance now, Spike ?"
"Sure, pet."

God I can't stand Xander ! But I like Willow and Oz, though. Cordelia doesn't talk, so that's OK. Buffy doesn't seem to care about me and her friends getting along and that kinda worries me. I'm sure she's thinking about Angel. Actually, I'm sure that she thinks of him when she kisses me. Okay, Spike, slow down, you're getting paranoid.

"Spike, honey, you seem so lost in your own thoughts tonight. What's on your mind ?"
"Buffy, you don't wanna know."
"Can you please stop saying that everytime I ask you about something personal ? If we're gonna be together, you'll have to learn to talk to me."
"What do you mean ? We talk. We talk plenty."
"Yeah ? Name one conversation that we had that lasted more than twenty minutes."
"The first time you stayed at my place. We talked for hours."
"We weren't together then. Name another conversation."
"Allright, you were right, we never talk. I'll try to make an effort."
"Spike, I don't want you to feel forced to talk to me. I...I don't know."
"I guess I'm not like Angel, that's it."
"What did you say that for ?"
"Sorry. It's just that it seems to me like you want me to become more like Angel."
"Why would I wanna do that ? I love you just the way you are. You know what ? Let's go home."
"What about your friends ?"
"Don't worry about them. They'll be just fine without us. I think they're getting sick of me and my weird boy-friends."

We went back to her place. Her Mom was already sleeping, so it saved me the window-climbing inconvenience. As much as I love Buffy, sometimes I just feel like saying to her : leave me and go back to Angel. I know that she loves him but I'm pretty sure that she loves me too. God, I hate this !

"So," Buffy said, "Do you feel like sleeping over ?"
"And how would I do that ?"
"Well, you stay here tonight, and tomorrow too. And you go back to your place tomorrow after sundown."
"What will I be doing the day ? I mean, you do remember that I'm a vampire and that sunlight isn't my best friend, right ?"
"Of course ! But you can hide. In my closet."
"What about your mother ? What if she feels like opening your closet right in the middle of the day ?"
"Oh, right. Then you can stay here tonight and go back to your place just before sunrise."
"Yeah, why not ?"

The next morning, as I was headed back home, I ran into Angel.

"Spike. What are you doing here ?"
"Going home. What about you ?"
"I meant what are you doing in Sunnydale ? I thought you were gonna beat the crap out of Drusilla to win her back."
"I changed my mind."
"Yeah, right. Tell me the truth."
"You don't want to know."
"Tell me."
"Allright. I came back for Buffy. I fell in love with her. And I got a soul for that. Right now, I'm going home. I just spend the night with Buffy."
"Wait a second. You've got a soul ?"
"Yeah. You ain't that special anymore."
"And you're in love with Buffy ?"
"Yeah, that too. Look mate. I'd love to stay here and chat with you, but I should be getting home now. And so should you. See you."
"Spike ! Wait !"
"What is it with you ? We don't have a lot of time left so tell me what you want."
"Let's go back to my place."
"Yeah, right. If I do that, I'll have to spend the rest of the day over there."
"Then we'll go to your place."

Why me ? Why did I have to see him ? I don't like him, I don't want to spend the day with him ! Especially if I have to tell him about what happened the last few days. 'Cuz, as I know him, he's gonna get all upset about me and Buffy being together.

Since we had to spend the whole day together, Angel and I decided to talk things thru. Things like why he stole Drusilla from me and why I beat the crap outta him when he brought forth Acathla. We're finally friends again. I know that Xander's gonna be real pissed and that's the part I'm liking.
We had something like half-an-hour before sundown, so Angel and I just continued talking. This time, it was about Buffy.

"So," I said, "How are things going between you and Buffy ?"
"I guess that since you're asking, you want an honest answer."
"You better tell me the truth."
"Well, I'm still in love with her."
"That I knew. I also know that she still loves you."
"Then why is she with you ?"
"I guess because she loves me too. You know what ? I think we've got more things in common that I thought. But I hope seeing with Buffy right now isn't one."
"No. Of course not. I wouldn't do that."
"Well you..."
"Don't go there."
"So I have nothing to worry about, right ?"
"Right."
"Have you ever thought of maybe finding someone else ?"
"Yeah, right. Like there are hundreds of women banging at my door. You know that vampires with soul aren't the hippest thing around."
"I know but you can't just spend the rest of your life by your self !"
"But my curse isn't like yours ! I can't...My life is meant to be miserable. Yours is meant to be filled with love."
"I know but...Hey, uh, it's past sundown now. We can go out."
"Right. Are you, uh, picking up Buffy ?"
"Uh, yeah, I am. We're going patroling tonight."
"Oh, yeah. Are going to the Bronze afterwards ?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe she wants to see her friends. I don't know."
"Well, if you're not doing anything, we can meet at the Bronze. Uh, by the way, how do you...Do you feed of humans ?"
"No. Uh, Buffy got me blood yesterday. I don't know where."
"Well, I can give you some bags that I got from the hospital. After that, you can get them yourself."
"Thanks. I gotta go now."
"Sure. I got the hint, I'm going. See you."

I think it went pretty well. I feel sorry for Angel. With his curse and everything... It must be hard. I still have doubts about him and Buffy. What kills me is that I know that they're gonna end up together. Dunno when, dunno where but they are. Yeah, well, what did I expect ? That the moment she was gonna see me, Buffy was gonna forget all about Angel ? But I love her so much ! Speaking of her, I gotta pick her up at the library.

"At last ! Do you know how long I've been waiting ? What were you doing ?"
"I was talking with Angel."
"What ?!"
"I met him this morning. He wanted to talk, so we went to my appartement and talked."
"Oh, I see. So, what happened ?"
"Well, he freaked out. But he and I are friends again."
"The fact that he's your sire must be very bounding."
"Yeah, right."
"You know what ? The dog in 'Tom & Jerry', his name's Spike !"
"Yeah, I know. We both got dog names."
"Sorry to bother you," Giles said, "But you should be going now."
"Yeah, your Watcher's right. We should be going. Which cemetery do you want to do first ?"
"Don't know. Don't really care."

Three weeks later.

"Where is she ?" Xander asked, "We've been waiting for two hours now ! Spike, are you sure that she was gonna be here at 8 p.m. ?"
"That's what she said to Willow on the phone. Isn't it, Willow ?"
"I told her to come at 8. I said that Giles needed us to do some research. She told me she was gonna be there. By the way, where's Angel ?"
"I dunno." I answered, "Maybe I should go get him."
"What if Buffy arrives while you're gone ?"
"I really hope she doesn't. Does anyone wanna come with me ? Willow ?"
"Sure."

I've got a bad fealing about this. I remember what happened last year on Buffy's birthday. And again this year, we're throwing her a suprise-party. And now neither she nor Angel shows up. I really hope nothing happened.

"I like your car, Spike. It's kinda neat."
"Thanks Willow. Have you ever been to Angel's place ?"
"No. I don't even know where it is. Do you think something happened to Buffy ? Or Angel ?"
"I wish I could say I don't. I have a bad feeling about this."
"Me too. I remember last year. You and Drusilla reassembled the Judge."
"Actually, it was Dru. I didn't know what she was going to do."
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know."
"Okay, here we are. Are you coming in with me ?"
"Yeah, I wanna see what it looks like."

Willow and I got outta my car and walked inside the building. Angel's appartement is in this sort of basement. So is mine. We got to the door, I was about to knock when I noticed that the door was open.

"Spike ? What is it ?"
"The door's open."
"Go inside then !"
"Yeah."
When Willow and I got inside, we finally found out why Buffy and Angel were late.
"Oh my God !"
"Oh my God !"
"Oh my God, Spike."
"Spike wait ! I can explain !"

Buffy and Angel were kissing. When I saw this, I felt like throwing up. Even though I knew it was gonna happened, I just couldn't understand why. When I ran outside, Buffy followed me. She was the last person I wanted to see.

"Spike. I can explain."
"Go ahead, then. Explain."
"Well...Okay, I can't explain. But I'm sorry, I truly am sorry. Spike, are you crying ?"
"What do you think, you stupid...cow ! I love you so much it gave me a soul ! How could you do this to me ?"
"Spike, I...I don't...I was just a kiss ! You know I love you !"
"But you love Angel more ! Buffy, I don't think that this is gonna work out. I don't think we should see each other anymore."
"But Spike... I love you."
"No, it's Angel you love. By the way, your friends are waiting for you at the library. I was planning on throwing you a birthday-party. Have fun."
"Spike, no ! Don't walk away from me ! This can't be over, there must be something I can do."
"I'm afraid there isn't, Buffy. Oh, I gotta drive Willow back to the library. Buffy ? Say to Angel that I never wanna see him again. Willow, are you coming ?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry Buffy, but I'm on Spike's side."

This is so unfair ! I loved her, and she cheated on me. And Angel, I could just dust him ! He's got some nerve. He tells me how sorry he is about stealing my ex-pet but he just goes ahead and steals my new one ! I'm just gonna drop Willow off at the library and then I'm gonna get drunk.

"Spike ?" Willow asked, "Are you allright ?"
"What do you think ?"
"I'm sorry about this. I can't believe that Buffy did this to you."
"Don't be. I knew it was gonna happen."
"Why did you stay with her all this time then ?"
"Because I love her. Do you know what hurts me most about this thing ? It's that it was Angel."
"What do you mean ?"
"Well, it seems to me like I'm always getting his left-overs. But then he comes along and steals them from me."
"What are you gonna do now ? I guess you're not going to the party, huh ?"
"I don't know. I really don't feel like going home. I could go to the Bronze."
"Can I join you ?"
"What about Buffy ?"
"I really don't feel like seeing her. And we two can talk about our break-ups."
"Is it over between you and Oz ?"
"He dumped me yesterday. We just didn't tell anybody."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Don't worry, it was for the best. So, can I join you ?"
"Sure !"

Willow and I had one Hell of a great time. We went to the Bronze, then we drove to another town and went to some clubs over there. Then we drove back to Sunnydale and went back to the Bronze. At that point, we were so drunk we couldn't walk straight. When the Bronze closed, we went to my place. That's when things went wrong. 'Cuz Willow and I ended up sleeping together. I don't know how it could've happened. Willow and I have been great friends since I got my soul back, but I've never thought about beeing with her. Okay, I must have thought about it a couple of times but I never planned on doing it with her. I think that it happened like that :
Willow had I had just opened the door to my appartement. We were so drunk, we just fell on the couch.

"Oh my God !" she said,"Do you know how drunk I am ?"
"I'll say just a little bit drunker than me."
"I've never been drunk before."
"You haven't ? I didn't know about that. Maybe we should get off the couch. Or at least get off each other."
"I don't think I've got enough strength left to do that."
"Neither do I, so let's just stay like this. Well, if you could just move your haid a little, I've got your hair in my mouth."
"Oh, sorry. Is that better ?"
She turned around and was now facing me.
"Yeah, thanks."
"I had a great time tonight. I wish I didn't have to go home."
"I had a great time too. You made forget all about my pathetic un-life. I wish you you didn't have to go home too."
"Well, maybe I don't. If you want me to stay, then I'll stay. You only need to say it."
"Stay."
That's when we kissed. One thing led to another and we ended up in my bed.

To Be Continued


How Things Went After That Night

How I Became All Soul-Having

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