How I Became All Soul-Having
By : Elisa
Title: How I became all soul-having
Author: Elisa aka Schizo Spike.
Part: 1/7
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It all belongs to Joss Whedon, The Mutant Enemy, The WB Network, ect. I do not make any money out of this, so please don't sue me.
Distribution: Just keep my name attached to it.
Spoilers: Season 2 and 3
Feedback: I love feedback.
Summary: Just look at the title.
whites italics are thoughts.
Part 1
I was lying in bed, awake, thinking about her...
It all started the first time I saw her. She was beautiful. Her hair, her eyes... She almost made me forget about Dru. But Dru was still weak, I couldn't just leave her, so I tried to forget about her, to focus on Dru. Well, it didn't work ! As days and nights went by, I got more and more atached to her. I couldn't kill her, and somehow, she couldn't kill me. I like to think that it was because she had feelings for me too. But I had to face it, she was in love with Angelus. Even when he lost his soul, she was still crazy about him. He killed her friends but she still couldn't let it go. But then, not only he tried to kill her, but to suck the world into Hell as well. So I went to help her, to get Dru back I said, but I would've killed Dru if it had been the only way to save her. But I couldn't. I was too afraid that she wasn't feeling the same way about me. So I left. But I came back. For her. And there she was again, still in love with Angelus who was all soul-having again. And here I am today, in my appartement, all alone. Dru is dead, I killed her.
... Then suddenly, I felt this horrible pain. After a couple a minutes, I remembered. Everything I did for two hundred years. But I could only think about Buffy. She was the only one I could turn to. I looked outside, it was raining but the sun was down so I went to her house.
I got to her house, rang the bell and she opened the door.
"Spike ! My God ! What are you doing here ?"
"I need your help."
"You're not planning on doing anymore spells, are you ? 'Cuz this time, I'm not helping you to get Dru back."
"Buffy, Dru's dead. And no, I'm not doing anymore spells. Can I come in ?"
"Sure. I'm sorry, I...I didn't know about Dru. Uh, can I get you a towle ? I mean, you're soaked !"
"Yeah, thanks."
"So, why do you need my help ? Here's your towle."
"Thanks. Well, I think I got my soul back. Actually, I'm pretty sure about it."
"What ?! I mean, how ?"
"I don't know. It's why I need your help."
"Well, I don't really know how you could have your soul back. I guess I could call Giles. He's Library-Man, he knows all about that kinda stuff. Wait right here, I'm gonna call him."
"Thank you."
"Giles, it's me, Buffy. Uh, can you meet me at the library in twenty minutes ?"
"Buffy, what is going on ?"
"Well, uh, Spike's got a problem. Actually, he's got a soul."
"What ?! How come ?"
"That what I want you to find out."
"Allright. At the library, in twenty minutes. Uh, is Spike coming with you ? Well, of course he is. Try not to be late for once."
"See you, Giles."
"Spike, we're going to the library."
"Why ?"
"We're meeting Giles over there in twenty minutes. We're taking my Mom's car."
"Do you have a licence ?"
"Actually, no. But I know how to drive. I've been taking the car for two years now."
"I've been driving since... Well, I don't remember but I know that it's been longer than you. So, I'm driving."
"It's my car, I'm driving."
"What if we have an accident ? Unless, there are pointy wooden things in your car, I'll be OK, but what about you ?"
"..."
"What ? What is it ?"
"I'm not really used to you caring about me."
"Oh, well, it's the soul, it does that to a man. I mean vampire."
"Okay, you drive."
We drove to the library. It was so wonderful. Sitting beside her, being with her. I think I'm in love with her. Yeah, I'm in love. I'm stll confused about the soul-getting issue, but what the Hell ?
When we arrived, Giles, Buffy's Watcher was sitting at his desk, looking through some old books.
"Buffy ! Spike ! Uh, I found some books where we may find the answer to Spike's soul-restoration."
"What do you have so far ?"
"Not much. Spike, would you mind looking through that pile of books over there ? And you Buffy, look through this pile."
"Great, ten dusty, old books. I always wanted to spend a Saturday night like that !"
"Buffy, where's your Mom ? I didn't see her at your house."
"She's on one of her art buying trips."
"And where's Drusilla ?"
"She's dead."
"Do you mean dead or un-dead ?"
"Dead. Dust."
"Oh. I... My condolences. Oh. I think I've got something."
"What is it ?"
"The book says that if a vampire falls in love, he may get back his soul."
"But... I don't understand. Spike, you were in love with Drusilla quite a long time, weren't you ?"
"Yes, so how come I'm getting my soul back now that she's dead ?"
"Because you must love a mortal to get your soul back."
"A mortal ? Spike isn't in love with a mortal !"
"How do you know that ? You don't know nothing about my bloody love life !"
"Sorry. You don't need to get all angry and everything. So, who is it ?"
"You don't need to know. So, what about my soul ?"
"Well, since it's based on love, the only thing that would make you turn into your old self is pure hate."
"But, there are hundreds of people that hate me !"
"I meant pure hate from the mortal that you were in love with when your soul was restored."
"Oh. Well, thank you very much for the information, I'll be going home now."
"Wait, I'll drive you."
"I thought *I* was driving ."
"Shut up or you'll be walking."
We were in the car when I finally understood how I got my soul back. It was Buffy. I fell in love with her. I wish I could tell her. Maybe I should. Maybe she feels the same way about me. Get real ! She'd rather stake me than be with me ! Still, I wonder if she knows.
"You know what ? You're not such a bad driver after all."
"Yeah, I've been told that. Okay, I've never been told that, you're the first one. So, how does it feel to have a soul ?"
"I don't know. It depends. Sometimes it feels good, but when I think about everything I did to those people..."
"Now that you've got a soul, are you gonna take back your real name, William ?"
"No, I think Spike's neat name. Does it really matter where I got it from ?"
"I guess it doesn't."
"That's it, this is where I live. Do you wanna come inside ?"
"Yeah, why not ?"
Buffy and I spend about five hours talking. When we finished, she was too tired to drive home and it was close to sunrise so I couldn't drive her. So she stayed with me. Well, not *with me* but at my place. It was wondeful, just watching her sleep. She's so beautiful when she's sleeping, I finally get why Angelus used to go watch her some nights. I'm such a fool. She's never gonna love me. I'm a demon, a creature of Evil. That's it. I'm telling her about my feelings. Well, not right away. Maybe in a couple of days. Or weeks. Or years.
She woke up around 10 a.m. She didn't want to go to school, so she just stayed at my place. Again.
"So," she said, "What do you usually eat for breakfast ?"
"I usually eat breakfast at 8 p.m."
"Oh. Well, what do you eat at 10 a.m. ?"
"Nothing. Buffy, I need you to do me a favour."
"What is it ?"
"I haven't fed in days. I need some blood and since it's pretty sunny outside..."
"...You need me to get it for you. Sure, no problem. I'll be right back. Do you need anything else while I'm out ?"
"I'd like some new clothes but I can get those myself tonight."
"Oh, can I come with you ? I really love shopping."
"Sure. See you later."
She wants to go shopping with me. I guess that's a good thing. I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. I really have to tell her. Yeah, I'll tell her tonight. Or tomorrow. God, I'm such a coward !
"Hey, I'm back. Here's your, uh, food. So, what are you gonna do all day ?"
"I was thinking that maybe I could sleep or something."
"Didn't you sleep during the night ?"
"No. I'm usually out during the night."
"Oh, right. Do you want me leave ?"
"No ! I mean, uh, it's allright, you can stay."
She laughed. I love the sound of her laugh.
"You don't laugh that much, do you ? It's a pity, you have such a nice laugh."
"I've never been told that. You're so different now that you have a soul. I kinda like you now."
"You do ? I never thought I'd hear *that* from you ."
"Do you really think that seeing you with a soul was on my list of things to see before I turn twenty ?"
"You don't have to take it personnaly. So, what are we doing ?"
"I dunno. I could go home. Or I could stay here with you. What do you want me to do ?"
"Just stay here. You can always watch TV."
"Sure. Whatever."
Even though I didn't want to, I slept almost the whole day. I woke up something like an hour before sundown. I think that Buffy actually watched TV the whole day. I bet it'd been years since she'd done that. It's must be so hard to be the Slayer. Especially for her, she has the Angel-issue to deal with.
"Hey, look who's awake."
"Hey. So, do you still wanna go shopping with me tonight ?"
"Sure ! Uh, I went home to get some clean clothes. I'm gonna take a shower now. I think I'll be ready for sundown."
"Okay, go ahead."
I gotta tell her ! I can't stand being in the same room as her without her knowing. Everytime I look at her, I can't help thinking how my life would be if I could just be with her.
Here we are, at the Mall. I'm gonna shop. God, I gotta get a life.
"So, what kinda clothes do you want ?"
"Well, I love my leather jacket but I'd like another one. And maybe some pants. And shirts. And shoes. Yeah, I want shoes too."
"Yeah, you want a new wardrobe. You like black clothes, right ? Well, there's this store where I'm sure we'll find a jacket that you like, then we can go to that Levi's Store to find some shirts and pants and then we'll get the shoes. Be ready to spend money. Byt the way, where do you get your money ?"
"That's something you'll never find out."
After three long hours of trying on clothes and shoes, Buffy and I finally went home. She was exhausted and I could see it. I don't know why but she doesn't seem to want to sleep at her place.
"So, do you like your new clothes ?"
"Yeah, I love them. Buffy, there's something I gotta tell you."
"Oh. What is it ?"
"Well, you know that I'm in love with somebody, right ? Well, it's you."
"..."
"Please say something."
"I...You...But..."
"Yeah, that was clear. If you want to leave, just go ahead, I understand. But please say something. At least a whole sentence."
"I don't know what to say. It's...Why didn't you tell me earlier ?"
"Hello ? I'm vampire, you're the Slayer. And there's Angel. I'm not that stupid."
"Yeah, Angel. Well, I'm not with him right now, am I ?"
"What do you mean ?"
"That if I'm here with you, there's a reason. And maybe that reason is that I care about you."
"Do you mean that...?"
That's when she kissed me. The love of my un-dead life kissed me. I felt all alive again. It was wonderful. I still wonder how she's gonna explain it to her friends. They don't even know I'm here ! And what about Angel ? Now he's gonna freak out !