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Ten Second Horror Movie Reviews

In the face of dwindling attention spans, here are the fastest possible reviews of horror films (by genre) intended as a 'spot-guide' to your own horror viewing.

INSTRUCTIONS - Mouse over Mr. Spooky for the review, and mouse over the dark bar of tiny skulls for the rating.




AntiChrist/Possession Movies Demonic Movies Ghost Movies Miscellaneous Monster Movies
Mutant Movies Slasher Movies Space Monster Movies Torture Movies
Vampire Movies Werewolf Movies Witch Movies Zombie Movies








Slasher Killer Movies

RENT - Glorious for Vincent Price fans, sumptuous 1920s retro sensibilities, intentionally over the top melodrama, inventive revenge killings
3 Spookies
The Abominable Doctor Phibes
1971
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
At Midnight I'll Steal Your Soul
1964
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Audition
2007
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Bay of Blood
1971
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Black Christmas
1974
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Black Christmas
2006
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Bone Collector
1999
BUY - Light and action packed comedy/horror flick with plenty of twists and turns and a funny but believable plotline
Review Pending...
Botched.2008
4
RENT - Fun Clive Barker story, gruesome and fantastic killings, catchy music, and a decent story line
4 Spookies
Candyman
1992
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Candyman 2: Farewell to Flesh
1995
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Candyman 3: Day of the Dead
1999
RENT - Fairly tedious in drawn out Tarentino dialog with some high impact moments and a very fun ending
2 Spookies
Death Proof
2007
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Dementia 13
1963
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Deranged
1974
BUY - Difficult to watch, unflinchinly cruel, a great road movie with enough plot to keep the gore linked
4 Spookies
The Devil's Rejects
2005
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Doctor Phibes Rises Again
1972
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Don't Look Now
1973
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Don't Torture a Duckling
1972
SKIP - Silly indie film with a contrived villian who lurks at a drive through resturant
2 Spookies
Drive Thru
2007
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Feed
2005
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Frailty
2001
RENT - Good for what it is (a cheesy and contrived killer showdown with nothing to go on but nearly clever killings)
2 Spookies
Freddy Vs. Jason
2003
RENT - Classic early slasher film that set the tone, good Savini effects, good sound, predictable mayhem, early Kevin Bacon
3 Spookies
Friday The 13th
1980
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 2
1981
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 3
1982
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 4: The Final Chapter
1984
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 5: A New Beginning
1985
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 6: Jason Lives
1986
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 7: The New Blood
1988
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 8: Jason Takes Manhatten
1989
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Friday The 13th 9: The Final Friday
1993
RENT - Fun if you like crap in space, with a couple of good kills and contrived characters
1 Spooky
Friday The 13th 10: Jason X
2001
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Gore-Gore Girls
1972
SKIP - Charlie Sheen thought it was snuff - some teeth-gritting segments with closeup gore, other bits that just confuse
2 Spookies
Guinea Pig
1985
BUY - Classic, serious, good tension and music, fine acting.  John Carpenter at his best.
4 Spookies
Halloween
1982
SKIP - Forgettable tale of the next day, the hospital gets boring, Laurie has a bad wig, watch for early David Spade as an ambulance attendant
2 Spookies
Halloween 2
1981
SKIP - Absolutely unnecessary attempt at a new plot involving stonehendge, halloween masks, and mind control
1 Spooky
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch
1982
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
1988
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Halloween 5
1989
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers
1995
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Halloween H2O: Twenty Years Later
1998
RENT - Very entertaining and nothing like the original. Spends more time on the childhood of Michael Myers (very interesting), but missed a 4 due to a rushed climax
3 Spookies
Halloween
2007
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Happy Birthday to Me
1981
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Hannibal
2001
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Hannibal Rising
2007
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Haute Tension
2003
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Havoc
2007
RENT - Brutal, unrepentant, very indie with fine acting, good Chicago locations, shocking violence
3 Spookies
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
1986
SKIP - Weak, skill-less attempt to recapture the shock lacks anything worthwhile
1 Spooky
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer 2
1998
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
High Tension
2003
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Hillside Stranglers
1989
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Hitcher
1986
RENT - Nostalgic, old fashioned horror melodrama, originally in 3D - Vincent price and a great wax museum
3 Spookies
House of Wax
1953
RENT - Generic slasher family movie with predictably stupid teenagers and a pleasingly unexpected and suspenseful climax
3 Spookies
House of Wax
2005
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
I Bury the Living
1958
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Ichi the Killer
2001
RENT - A very interesting and unique plot that is a bit hard to follow at times, but with a nice series of twists
3 Spookies
Identity
2003
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
I Know What You Did Last Summer
1997
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Irreversible
2002
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
1998
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Last House on the Left
1972
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Last Broadcast
1998
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
M
1931
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Manhunter
1986
RENT - Fun grindhouse style movie, Rory Calhoun makes great smoked meat, wierd character interaction, Cliff from Cheers is a biker - what else?
3 Spookies
Motel Hell
1980
RENT - Murder porn without regret, despite wooden acting and a thin plot - actual hookers used in the filming, this is a brutal movie
3 Spookies
Murder Set Pieces
2004
RENT - Fun film from the peak of slasher films, good plot, good acting, fun slasher hijinx in the mine while looking for the killer
3 Spookies
My Bloody Valentine
1981
RENT - Charles Laughton directed this beautiful fable, Robert Mitchum is riveting, even the kids are good actors - tense and unsettling
4 Spookies
Night of the Hunter
1955
BUY - Classic and original depiction of the sarcastic killer with a unique plot, a truly horrifying antagonist, and a great climax
5 Spookies
A Nightmare On Elm Street
1984
SKIP - A horrifically pathetic attempt at a new take on the original, this movie is as boring as it is rediculous
1 Spooky
A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
1985
RENT - Actually manages to bring the fun back from the disaster that was Freddy's Revenge with dozens of victims and entertaining characters
3 Spookies
A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
1987
SKIP - Although not bad, part 4 is when the audience finally realizes that Freddy just isn't trying to be scary anymore
2 Spookies
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
1988
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
1989
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
A Nightmare On Elm Street 6: The Final Nightmare
1991
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
A Nightmare On Elm Street 7: New Nightmare
1994
RENT - Jim Carry makes a great psycho, but the plot has been worn to exhaustion by every other killer movie for the last forty years
3 Spookies
The Number 23
2007
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Psycho
1960
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Psycho 2
1983
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Psycho 3
1986
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Psycho 4: The Beginning
1990
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Psycho
1998
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Red Dragon
2002
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Satan's Little Helper
2004
BUY - Very entertaining movie designed specifically to target horror fans by filling the movie with people that have similar interests. Flawless and satisfying story
4 Spookies
Scream
1996
RENT - Fairly well done for a sequel. It lacks the originality the first one had, but managed not to degenerate into the killer-franchise pattern of no plot and clever killings
3 Spookies
Scream 2
1997
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Scream 3
2000
BUY - Fiendishly clever murder story that combines loads of dark imagery with an overall gloomy world and a very likeable antagonist
4 Spookies
SE7EN
1995
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Silence of the Lambs
1991
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Silent Night Deadly Night
1984
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Skinned Alive
1989
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Slumber Party Massacre
1982
RENT - A fairly generic and somewhat boring summercamp killer film with one of the most horrifying and unexpected endings known to man
3 Spookies
Sleepaway Camp
1983
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Sleepaway Camp 2
1988
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Sleepaway Camp 3
1989
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Sleepaway Camp 4
2002
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Spider Baby
1968
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Stepfather
1987
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Sweeney Todd
1936
BUY - Stunning musical with haunting imagery and a perfect cast. Tim Burton once again succeeds in creating a masterpiece
4 Spookies
Sweeney Todd
2007
RENT - Similar to 'Identity' in that it has a clever plot that's a bit too hard to understand at times
3 Spookies
Taking Lives
2004
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
1974
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
1986
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3
1990
A generic but fun slasher film with Mathew McConaughey (seriously) pulling off an impressive psycho-antagonist role
3 Spookies
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4
1994
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2003
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
2006
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
This Night I will Possess Your Corpse
1967
RENT - Fun retro horror with red-paint blood, crazy rednecks, and inventive murders
2 Spookies
Two-Thousand Maniacs
1964
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Two-Thousand and One Maniacs
2005
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Unhinged
1982
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Violent S**t 2
1992
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
When a Stranger Calls
1979
SKIP - Too generic to be described as anything but a slasher movie. Not very interesting and very predictable
2 Spookies
When a Stranger Calls
2006
RENT - Shocking displays of brutal violence and cruelty make this semi-true story a gutwrenching one to the very end
3 Spookies
Wolf Creek
2005


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