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Ten Second Horror Movie Reviews

In the face of dwindling attention spans, here are the fastest possible reviews of horror films (by genre) intended as a 'spot-guide' to your own horror viewing.

INSTRUCTIONS - Mouse over Mr. Spooky for the review, and mouse over the dark bar of tiny skulls for the rating.




AntiChrist/Possession Movies Demonic Movies Ghost Movies Miscellaneous Monster Movies
Mutant Movies Slasher Movies Space Monster Movies Torture Movies
Vampire Movies Werewolf Movies Witch Movies Zombie Movies








BUY - Nostalgic old fashioned fun, spooky but not scary, the last of the classic monsters, good sets, funny gags
4 Spookies		 Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein
1948		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Abbot and Costello Meet The Invisible Man
1951		 RENT - Funny for fans, good mummy mayhem, cursed amulets in hamburgers and awesome snake charming
2 Spookies		 Abbot and Costello Meet the Mummy
1955		 RENT - Good big budget thriller, nice effects, good characters, story and settings, a few seat jumps
3 Spookies		 Arachnophobia
1990
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Basketcase
1982		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Basketcase 2
1990		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Basketcase 3: The Progeny
1992		 RENT - Classic Hitchcock, slow by today's standards, but it's so well made you won't mind - gripping bird terror
3 Spookies		 The Birds
1963
Yep. They're remaking The Birds.
Review Pending...		 The Birds
2009		 BUY - Rare is the classic that outdoes the original - visually stunning, fast moving plot, creatures that emote pathos
5 Spookies		 Bride of Frankenstein
1935		 BUY - Sleeper classic, all about great characters and writing - Elvis fights a cowboy mummy in a retirement home with a black JFK - who wants some?
4 Spookies		 Bubba Ho-Tep
2002		 I'm excited! Are you excited? I'm excited!
Review Pending...		 Bubba Nosferatu and the Curse of the She-Vampires
2009
BUY - Possibly the very first full-length horror movies ever, this one is still an atmospheric classic that acts as a starting point for hundreds of horror movies to come
4 Spookies		 Cabinet of Doctor Caligari
1920		 RENT - Fine study of paranoia, selfishness and greed in the face of rot. Great effects, Eli Roth's breakthrough film
3 Spookies		 Cabin Fever
2002		 RENT - Great direction and acting, Stephen King's first book, memorable performances, teen angst and the craziest mother this side of Bedlam
3 Spookies		 Carrie
1976		 RENT - Tries to make the midwest scary, but the creepy kids make it work, outlander. Lots of corn, somewhat slow, weak climax
2 Spookies		 Children of the Corn
1984
RENT - Late classic Universal, good underwater photography, classic Gill Man, fairly dated
Review Pending...		 Creature from the Black Lagoon
1954		 RENT - Great anthology film, intentional comic book feel, interesting stories and good effects, cute link segment
3 Spookies		 Creepshow
1982		 RENT - Good followup film with more interesting short stories, not quite as fun as the first
3 Spookies		 Creepshow 2
1987		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Creepshow 3
2006
SKIP - Short story stretched to it's limits, relentless foamy dog, good acting and directing, but pretty tiring
2 Spookies		 Cujo
1983		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Dr. Terror's House of Horrors
1965		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde
1931		 SKIP - Very crappy plot and pretty bad acting (but you already knew that, didn't you?). Almost fun, though
1 Spooky		 Evil Bong
2006
RENT - A bit outdated and slow, but fun to watch regardless. Vincent Price at his best, but not much really happens
2 Spookies		 The Fall of the House of Usher
1960		 SKIP - Crappy and contrived story with poor writing and a predictably terrible plot lifted straight from the bowels of my spooky anus
1 Spooky		 Fear Dot Com
2002		 RENT - Comic-booky Indie Project Greenlight film with some very funny moments, unexpected shocks, and a few limit-pushing scenes
3 Spookies		 Feast
2005		 BUY - Very thematic and charming plot with some very original deaths and unexpected accidents. Definitely worth seeing
4 Spookies		 Final Destination
2000
RENT - A bit repetitive after the first one (basically the same thing), but with some very creative deaths and a great opening scene
3 Spookies		 Final Destination 2
2003		 SKIP - Apart from having the same plot as the last two, all of the deaths seemed way too rushed and cheesy for the sake of 3-D effects
1 Spooky		 Final Destination 3
2006		 Holy Hell... ANOTHER one in 3D? Please no...
Review Pending...		 Final Destination 4
2009		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Frankenstein
1931
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman
1943		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 From Beyond
1986		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Golem
1920		 RENT - Nightmarish imagery and lots of cheesy animation at its absolute best make this movie one to remember
4 Spookies		 House
1986
SKIP - Pitifully poor after the first movie, not really so much horror as it is an adventure movie, not worth it if you liked the first at all
2 Spookies		 House 2
1987		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 House of Frankenstein
1944		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Invisible Man
1933		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Invisible Man Returns
1940
RENT - Slower 1970s movie with Michael York - fairly faithful adaptation, good effects for the time, a little melodramatic
3 Spookies		 Island of Dr. Moreau
1977		 RENT - Very good and Spooky story up until the end, which sort of ruins the movie in some aspects. Otherwise, a solid movie with some very well done writing
3 Spookies		 Jeepers Creepers
2001		 RENT - After the ending of the first movie is accepted, this creative and utterly satisfying slaughterfest is definitely one to watch.
3 Spookies		 Jeepers Creepers 2
2003		 It's been awhile, but this could end up maybe thinking about looking promising... maybe...
Review Pending...		 Jeepers Creepers 3
2009
SKIP - Predates Blair Witch, deals with cable show looking for the Jersey Devil. Interesting, very indie-feeling film, weak twist ending
1 Spooky		 The Last Broadcast
1998		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Legend of Boggy Creek
1972		 RENT - Interesting little tale with a fairly frightening antagonist that's fun to watch as long as you're not expecting another 'Halloween'
3 Spookies		 Leprechaun
1993		 RENT - Keeps it vaguely entertaining by incorperating a fairy-tale feel into the mix of slaughtering. More creative back-story than the first
2 Spookies		 Leprechaun 2
1994
SKIP - Jesus Christ. I never thought you could mix Vegas, murders, curses, and (seriously) were-leprechauns into one movie and still have a vaguely coherent plot
2 Spookies		 Leprechaun 3
1995		 SKIP - For a movie about Leprechauns in friggin' space, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Don't expect anything much better than the last movie, though
2 Spookies		 Leprechaun 4: In Space
1997		 SKIP - There is actually a character in this movie named 'Mack Daddy'. That should really say it all
1 Spooky		 Leprechaun 5: In The Hood
2000		 SKIP - What the Hell could POSSIBLY have possessed them to do this AGAIN? At least there's no 'Mack Daddy' in this one...
1 Spooky		 Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha Hood
2003
RENT - Humorous parody of 50's space films, specifically 'Plan 9 From Outer Space'. (Intentionally) terrible acting and nightmarishly awful effects
3 Spookies		 Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
2001		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Mummy
1932		 BUY - Very entertaining adventure movie with a little bit of horror mixed in. Great special effects and a very good script
4 Spookies		 The Mummy
1999		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Mummy's Curse
1944
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Mummy's Ghost
1944		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Mummy's Hand
1940		 RENT - Less horror and more adventure, this movie doesn't quite stand up to the original. Still entertaining, but with much less mummy
3 Spookies		 The Mummy Returns
2001		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Mummy's Tomb
1942
RENT - Classic wierdout film, loved by many. Angus Scrim is fine as the tall man, fun cast, creepy grave robbing robed robble-robblers
3 Spookies		 Phantasm
1979		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Phantasm 2
1988		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead
1994		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Phantasm 4: Oblivion
1998
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 The Ruins
2008		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Scanners
1981		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Scarecrow Slayer
2003		 RENT - Just stupid enough to be entertaining the first time through. Any more than that, though, and you're really pushing it...
2 Spookies		 Snakes On A Plane
2006
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Son of Frankenstein
1939		 RENT - Great Hammer style anthology, Ralph Richardson isn't scary but some of the segments are classic, and still grab you today
3 Spookies		 Tales from the Crypt
1972		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Terror Train
1980		 SKIP - Made for TV anthology, featuring the Zuni Fetish segment with Karen Black that still has people talking
2 Spookies		 Trilogy of Terror
1975
BUY - Action packed movie with some breathtaking visuals and roughly 75% of the Universal Monsters making guest appearances. Not so much horror as action, but satisfying to the end
4 Spookies		 Van Helsing
2004		 RENT - Mysterious story with great shots and a nice plot. Great movie up until the ending, which inevitably makes or breaks the viewer's opinion of the movie
3 Spookies		 The Village
2004		 SKIP - All the monsters jammed into a contrived plot about an evil wax museum, too much Dracula being suave and not enough fright
2 Spookies		 Waxwork
1988		 Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Waxwork 2: Lost In Time
1992
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...		 Wrestling Women Vs. The Aztec Mummy
1964


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