Within these pages, I confess my innermost secrets. The thoughts & feelings I have about my vampiric life, as well as confessions. I chose not to confide in anyone aside from my maker, whom knew me all too well. I trusted no one in the length of my existance. I fell prey to vunerable, mortal-like feelings only once throughout that course. Most fear me, for they see me as a devil. But who do I fear? I think perhaps it is only safe that I not answer that at this time.
One particular feed stands out in my mind...the night I took the life of this young girl. She was to say the least a complete whore, and I watched her mess with several guys in the course of one night. She pitted them against one another until heavy friction erupted, resulting in a fight or something. I began to loathe her for how much the played with young men & had no respect for herself or anyone else at the time. She sickened me for she had no depth, just a mirror image of what she wanted to merely reflect. And sad to say she was only surface deep. So I flirted with her one night, drawing her attention to me. She seemed responsive to my flirtations, and we began to chat & drink. It became late & she was drunk, but I was merely tipsy. I suggested we go back to my place where she could sober up. After I slipped into something smaller...she followed me into my room. She pawed at me, so inexperiencedly. She struggled to seduce me, she was so intoxicated. I hated her, I hated what she did & what she stood for. Someone so unworthy didn't need to exist. And so I played judge & jury, then spent the last pints from her veins. In my disapproval of her, I tossed her lifeless corpse in the alley behind the club she frequented, naked. I hated her & felt satisfied. I wiped my mouth & that was the last thought I had of the little whench. *snicker*
Another particular night, I was hanging out at my favorite bar, when I noticed a young man watching me. A friend of mine brought him over and introduced us. He was cute ina boyish way. He was extremely tall, which I adored. He was fun to watch in his pursuit of me that night. He was working it like a charm. I enjoyed that alot. Almost all the men acted that way, so I had grown accustomed to sitting back & watching. He touched me while talking to me. I began to feel slightly sick from a lack of feeding. I was losing my focus. I could smell the blood beneath his flesh, it beckoned me. I wanted to seduce him then slowly suck his blood. He was so sexy, another conquest. Little did I know his pursuit of me was merely to add to his own list. We had known all the same people & had been roughly in the same circles but never met. He knew I what I was so he wanted me just for that reason alone...knowing the danger. It excited him, and he wanted it badly. I thought this would be a delightful way to spend some time. ~wicked grin~
My slumber was as active of a part of my life as when I was awake & moving freely about the earth. I had a whole other realm going on when I slept. My mind went places I truly felt. I could learn things, know where things were by seeing it in the dreams. I began to make myself explore just to see if I had actually been there & I know I had. But in the dreams, not in reality. I cannot explain it, maybe it was a power I possessed by being a vampire, but I knew something was always happening. And most often it was to prepare me for something in my parallel life. I often heard voices, just talking & nothing makes any sense, they're just broken phrases or meaningless jibberish. I have no idea in its purpose. But I feel I slip in & out of people's minds' while they sleep, stealing their thoughts, memories or ideas. And they never know I've ever been there.
Everyone mortal or not has to admit its very exciting when a lover from the past resurfaces into your life. Especially if the chemistry was phenomenal! But this happened to me recently. A past fling of my vampire history sought me out & made his presence known to me. I never had one to go quite this way, but it was very memorable. Our eyes locked upon one another & with no words, unspoken movements harmonious, and passionate. The entire evening was spent that way. Never did we exchange words, just movements & it was exactly what I needed. No one to question me, or make me think, just touching & constant contact with each other's skin. No need to talk or ask what we thought, our bodies spoke to one another and we understood. Nothing felt greater at that moment.
One strange time in particular I can share with you, was the time a gentleman came searching for me. That was somewhat intimidating, at first. You see, I am a creature of instinct, smoothly blended over the course of time with the perfect amount of passion for the prey. I have to feed to survive, but not always did I enjoy it so much.....
This gentleman came to me at first in a dream. I couldn't see his face, but his presence was all around me in the dreams. I say dreams because I had many. His eyes seemed to hold the key but I never saw them with the luxury of his face accompaning them. No, it was more like they illuminated out of the darkness, glowing somehow. I sensed right away he was not a vampire, but more than a mere mortal. I could not assume what he was.
He then came to me in a place where many dark souls gathered, disguised as a tragic soul with hollow eyes. Ever so softly he tried seducing me. I ventured on, leaving him behind I thought. Only to find a mysterious note in my domain one dark night. I did not know how it got there or what truth it held.
I arose only to find I cannot see. Something was obstructing my vision. Blindly, my fingers searched to find that I had been blindfolded by a silk scarf. My pulse quickened, tho not frightened, I told myself I must be dreaming. Suddenly strong hands clasped mine, wrapping yet another scarf around my dainty wrists. I was at the mercy of my mysterious intruder. My senses heightened but still I was not afraid. I felt to trust. My chest heaved, as my breath became quite heavy. My usually cool, pale skin had warmed and blood flowed rapidly, giving me an almost mortal like color. Who was this dark soul, seducing me in what I thought to be a dream?
It taunted me that I could not see his face. Although I cannot explain it, I felt his eyes the entire time upon my flesh. They were as persistent & as penetrating as hands. This was a soul darker than mine, I thought. What evil sneaks into one's dreams, seducing......investigating, somewhat? I felt vunlerable as he walked through my dream, browsing & looking for what, I do not know. But he loved the position he had me in. I had never been approached by anyone or anything in this manner. At that moment, I felt a tinge of fear. But as suddenly as I began to feel frightened, my unknown assailant caressed my tender cheek, then slowly drowned me within his lust. His hands ran over my body for what seemed hours. Exploring my fleshy terrain, he pressed his body to mine, the heat was exhilirating. A friction was building, as a growing desire to see him. But he would not give in to my desire. Instead he stands me upright, hands still bound, and walks around me. I can feel his breath across the back of neck. I can smell the scent of his musky skin. I can feel his eyes drink in my beauty. He lusts for my tiny frame. He stands in front of me, drawing me into a kiss. His tongue plunges deep into my mouth, as a whimper escapes me. I am at the height of my arousal, I cannot bare another teasing moment. He cuts loose my wrists, and carries me to bed. When he removes my blindfold, I am angered to see he has hidden himself behind a mask....He says he is not ready to reveal himself to me in his truest form quite yet, but my time will come, he assures me. Drunken with passion, I seem not mind. I feel drugged, and cannot control my thoughts. I felt mortal for the first time in a long time. I kept thinking it was only a dream, although that wasn't convincing me as strongly as before. His eyes never left mine, his hands travelling my body as though it was so familar to him.
I let my tiny hands investigate his physique. He is long & lanky....his frame lies heavily upon mine. His skin is damp, and his hair slightly wet. His breath smelled of vodka. He whispered how much he wanted me. The words seemed to twist in parts, I felt as though he were trying to conquer me, instead. The more he seduced me, the more I felt him getting inside of me. My head, my thoughts, my soul. He wanted all of me, not just a night, or a part, ALL of me. My breath became irratic. His eyes deepened their stare into mine, and I became paralyzed.
For hours more he cultivates my flesh with his hands & mouth. I have been at his mercy willfully, and he knows it. He positions himself for the final seduction & grinds his body into mine. In moments we explode, releasing the intensity of our lust. I have never felt such heat in my frigid soul. He made my heart pound. Looking into my eyes, he expresses his passion for me, and how someday he will have me, as his fingers rub my lips. Taking a finger into my mouth, I erotically prick it with my fang, and gently suck his blood. He bitches at me slightly, for he thought he had total control. ~smiles~ But I had to leave my mark...~giggle~
I feel destined to see him again on another dream-filled night. He wants something from me, what I do not know. ~EG~
Again, night after night, I am plagued by these dreams. I worried he was an evil there to predict my fate, or was he my conscience, there to remind me of my constant wrongdoing?
To give myself a vacation, a went to Mardi Gras. It was the perfect cover, lots of reasons people could end up missing, or whatever...~L~. I loved it down there anyway. When I arrived the streets were alive. The stench of salty blood surrounded me. I could not wait to go out that evening. Donning a mask, I stepped into the crowd & became anonymous. I blended, I felt like one of them. Mortals all around, not knowing the killer amoung them, so close I was breathing their breath. I was intoxicated by the whole event.Then suddenly I felt a familar presence. My mysterious intruder was there within the swelling crowd. My eyes scanned but saw nothing. I closed my eyes to focus perhaps on sensing where he was.
The night passed with no sign of the mysterious lurker of my dreams. Although I felt him at every corner I turned, and thought I saw him in every shadow.
Over time I became smarter & began watching him from a distance, unbeknownst to him. I studied him with intensity. His moves, his body language, watching him smile or laugh, simple pleasures to me. I fulfilled my voyeur side I suppose. It thrilled me to watch him. With his friends, listening to him talk to them, holding their attention so well. I could be close enough to touch him, which I often found so hard to not do. But I would not reveal myself, just closed my eyes and remained in the shadows. Why did such a soul intrigue me? I was one not easy to intrigue, so I thought. But something about him drew me in slowly....like a poison. And I loved it. It was how I entertained myself. ~wicked grin~
Remember please....I claim to be a writer and nothing more. *S*
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