Davidson was the first to respond to her posing questions. They would sit around and pick each other's brains for hours. She opened up to him, developing stronger, more intense opinions and thoughts. Davidson was blown away by her intelligence & thirst for knowledge. He was intrigued by her. Everytime we would get together, he would wait for a window of opportunity to open, and enthrall Gwyneth in conversation. He always walked away surprised & enlightened. I truly doubt she knew how Davidson felt about her. I began to notice that Gwyn was confident as long as she had people telling her so. But when she became inhibited by alcohol or drugs, she went from one to the other trying to boost her ego to feel adaquate. I could not understand how one so beautiful could be so inferior inside? I was worried about her when I noticed the pattern. Somewhere in there, Brian's behavior became notiably different. Just when she was coming into her own..he began to ridicule her and mock her opinions & ideas. He then dominated the conversation to where all eyes where upon him. Gwyneth recoiled sometimes, then later began to fight back. At first, it was only in the privacy of the coven, but in time, became quite a public display as well. That was the moment when her behavior began to make sense suddenly. The rewards of being close to all of them often varied & was hard to convey into words. I thought differently of each of them. Never judging their differences, even though extreme, they never caused conflict amoung us. I loved them in spite of all the mishaps......I just had to walk away in the end.
Gwyneth & I were as close as two females could be without crossing any "boundaries". She kept a certain distance from me sometimes. Not often did it show but some nights she would get an odd turn to her as if I bored her or suddenly wasn't entertaining enough. It often passed without any offenses and the nights would continue. But she sometimes singled me out as it make an example, & it only made me inferior at times. We shared a lot more in our earlier years than recently though. I entrusted her with secrets & things I did not want Brian or Richard to know. I saw her as a role-model for style & etiquette. She had the social graces of royalty. I wanted so much for her to influence me, my respect was growing . She had hidden passions, she sometimes shared with me, keeping them from the others. She worried they would find her ideas silly so she only shared them with me sometimes. That made me feel special. I reassured her it was important to voice her opinion in our coven. I found them interesting and felt she needed to become strong within our group.
When this happened I backed away and gave them space. She had stopped confiding in me, and Brian seemed to be isolating himself for some reason. I had given her just enough space for Little Tabs to horn in. Like a white knight she rode in to help Gwyn escape her troubles. I, once again, was shot out of the saddle. Like always, I allowed it to run its course, knowing Little Tabs would tire of Gwyneth again & take flight. I would watch as Gwyneth hid her feelings of hurt. I let her dominate those times for fear of losing her. I would be there when she needed me & but I would not intrude. I only wanted to do the right things.
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