The Coven

Nights had passed, and I had emersed myself within my journals & my trusty cd-player. Hours upon hours I drank wine, scribbled endless phrases, and listened passionately to my music. I suppose by night three, my twin brothers had noticed my absence and crashed my place later that same night. They knew I had locked myslef in my penthouse, without a fresh kill in several evenings. They knew how to take care of me. They fed what ailed me, and soon we were talking and laughing. I could only love them & trust them, for many times like these they showed just how much they cared. Although they were true opposites, they both came together for me. It was an unconditional bond.

It began quite subtle. One by one, we had grown to a fare number of 6. We had grown comfortable with one another & felt we had achieved a nice level, for which we could maintain for awhile. During this time, events took place that would shape or somehow alter the outcome of the coven as a whole. All of us overindulged in wealth, drugs, and alcohol. It didn't quite affect us in the way it did mortals, but necessary nonetheless. The interesting thing about it all was the fact that I didn't know I could share so much with so many of them. I didn't think I had the capacity. But it seemed that once our coven began to grow, so did the room I had available in my life for them. It was nice.

The coven had grown comfortable with staying at my place every weekend. Some of us were experimenting in many different ways, sexually, vampirically...sometimes emotionally. It was a very transitional time for all of us. I had the place they all wanted to come too...apparently they felt safe. I always spoiled them while they were my guests. Every weekend we seemed to manipulate defensely mortals. Brian very much the puppet master, could control most everyone within the group. He was devine at it. I, even, fell victim a time or two. ~soft laugh~ But we all enjoyed each other, took care of one another, and protected one another, at that specific time anyway...

We moved into bars & clubs, much like we moved onto our prey. We inhabited them, taking them over and controlling them for as long as we wished. Tifani, Gwyneth & I could manipulate all the men, the guys would just reign over the whole damn place. It was such a great sense of power. It was the power of the coven, the coven of vampires. At one particular time, we were so high on ourselves it was ridiculous! We were so self-absorbed, because we could be! Nothing stopped us. We abused everything we could & eventually it was each other.

Aside from caring so much for my beloved coven, I had another life, another side, one that my coven did not know or know existed. This was my darkest side. I mostly kept those thoughts to myself, but I began documenting the whole thing in my journals. I wanted to always remember my many thoughts, lives I lived, and feelings. I felt it would make a good book someday, even if no one truly believed in vampires. ~smiles satisfyingly~ After all, its a great cover, hiding in the absolute obvious...no one would ever suspect. ~wicked grin~

.gif" ALIGN="left">I had an outside companion not many of them knew about. I kept it that way because I wanted something totally my "own"..something that had nothing to do with them. Rand was a fabulous vampire. He was beautiful outside and in. We met one night..we both were to meet a mutual friend..neither of us had met before. But our mutual friend did not show. So we continued the evening within each other's company. And I fell in love with him that night. We scouted and fed early in the evening. We played at a nearby playground, before comfortably resting beside one another while gazing at the full moon. We shared everything that night. Dreams, fantasies...philosophies and briefly our fears. I could not stop watching him talk, breathe, even smile. It was the most unbelievable feeling I had ever felt. In my vampire life as well as my mortal life, I could not ever remember a passion as intense as this. Rand was the perfect soul, I thought. I fell in love with him every time I saw him.

I would have the relationship, secretly, for years without my coven knowing. I would have to hide my pain as well when Rand would disappear. He had a natural talent for it. Right when our passion would seem to be brimming...he would leave town...or run into another's arms. I grew tired of his games..it had happened more than once. My heart suffered as well and I do not know if he ever knew the pain he had inflicted. It still packed a sting. In spite of all this, I could still say I loved him. I always knew we would continually cross pathes in life. I knew we were about to again.

I remember watching a certain group of little hippies, dancing around a fire, high on Acid, at the top of a high rock cliff. We watched for a good 2-3 hours as they thought they solved the world's problems, and laughed until they cried. In the blink of an eye, their trip was over, and our appetites were fulfilled. Leaving their carcasses in disarray, we wiped our chins, we lept into the night.

I found great comfort in having all of them around me constantly. Taking care of them seemed to be what I did best back then. Little did I know that I had blinded myself to the fact they were insensitive to my feelings or thoughts and were taking total advantage of me and my generousity.

Reflecting on some memories, the fondest were of my fabulous parties! They were always a hit, including intriguing immortals, usually Davidson brought them. It was always entertaining, and I was quite a hostess. Catered by my own creations, the atmosphere always was inviting. The lasted until the crack of dawn, forcing many to just retire at my domain. I always had the room in my huge studio townhouse. They all felt so comfortable around me. I made it a point to make everyone feel that way in my home. Brian would manipulate the young girls and before the night was over they were his puppets, while he played Puppet Master. We always had fun with it, though cruel were our intentions. Brian would coach Gwyn, me & Tabbs to go dance in the club's cages. And we always did, dancing like lesbian sluts...watching the crowd of men gaze. We would laugh at how simple a gesture would hypnotize them all. Silly mortals...actually silly men...*giggles* But we all loved the attention, and we got it often, whether we asked for it or not.

One fateful night, things didn't go the usual way. It almost ended in disaster. I always got blamed for creating such drama, when the truth was....they knew more about drama than I ever did. We all were at the club, Gwyn, Lil' Tabbs, Brian,Richard, Stefan, Davidson, & I. We had been dancing & the energy was high. Up in the corner, Lil Tabbs was moving in very close to Brian, so I watched. She rose her hand to his cheek & pulled him in to a kiss. I watched as she slipped him the tongue. I pulled Gwyneth towards me, while watching them & she saw what I saw. We gasped, then grimaced at the two. I didn't have to say anything, Gwyn just erupted. I told her I couldn't believe that, being her friend I would never do that without her permission. I thought what balls Tabbs had! So the evening turned into a shouting match. Well Stefan decides to put his two-cents worth into it, and tells Gwyn that from where he stood, it was nothing. And I obviously blew it all way out of proportion. She bought it, hook, line, & sinker! I was dumbfounded. I stood there, with my mouth gaping. I left them all there that night. I was extremely pissed off about the whole thing. Just because Stefan had luck on his side that night, not that he is in anyway that talented to have orchestrated that whole event. But he had a funny way of protecting Tabbs, even when she was deliberately doing something to hurt him. He defended her no matter what she did to him. And Gwyneth was somehow the same way about her. She would still be close to her in spite of all the shit she pulled. I would get sick about it, but what could I do? I knew what I wanted to do....but out of deep respect for my whole coven, I didn't. It killed me to any of us waste ourselves on mindless trash. She should have only been prey, never anything more!

The stress of always being in the spotlight with them took its toll on me sometimes. On more than one occasion I found myself making excuses not to go with them, just so I could be alone to enjoy some normal time. It seemed the deeper I involved myself with them, the more shallow I became. I would look at myself & realize I was just a shell, I was becoming so transparent. So I withdrew. It was what kept my sanity until the end.

At times I found myself looking at the entire coven, reflecting on all of our pasts. We found our way to each other, looking to fill a void of somekind. I had not figured out yet, why I was a part of it. What was I looking for in Davidson, in any of them? Over time they made me doubt their levels of loyalty & devotion. Only after years of abuse from them had it became so clear to me. In the beginning they made me doubt myself at every turn. It was only Davidson that pointed out my mistakes in a not-so-critical way. And I began to learn. As I watched them, I learned what not to do. I had trusted them for so long it was hard to accept that they would ever turn on me, lie to me, or even betray me. It quietly became something I took for granted.

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