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Entry 1 (Joey) Dear Diary,
I know I haven't kept my entries up to date. It's been so long since I last wrote in you. Looking back, I see that I haven't written in here since before I was conned into joining the damned Nica and it's been years. Why was I so blind? I could have hurt so many people. Like I haven't done that already though. Well that's going to change starting today. No longer will I allow myself to be a pawn in their game for world destruction. Why the sudden change? Well, you won't believe what just happened today. Can you believe it? I have a son! Apparently, his name's Douglas and the mother just happens to be none other than Juliet herself. Who would have thought that this would happen after only two times? It's so weird. I'm a father! I've never felt so good in my life! I actually have something to look forward to in life other than blood and war.
Still, it was awkward for those few moments. Reaching out to little Douglas and having him hold on to me with such trust… I'm glad I changed. That dark spirit that the Nica had put into me is finally gone now and I can stop worrying. It feels so good to be free.
You know, don't tell anyone this, but I'm glad that I became a Nica for a while. Don't get me wrong. I hate having to scheme up ways to kill everyone and exploit my servants and such. But if it hadn't been for this, I would never have gotten to know Juliet. True, most of it came through watching her without her knowing but at the same time, I could feel the true me loving her just the same. Am I making any sense at all? I highly doubt it. I'll look back one day and laugh at all this. So much has gone on in my life, I can safely bet that there's nothing else in this world I haven't seen or done.
Well, it's getting pretty late and I need to get up early in the morning to visit Juliet and Douglas. It's too early to call anything yet, but I have a feeling we're going to end up together someday. I can wish, can't I? Hopefully though, it won't come down to having to choose between Lance and I. He's been a true friend, unlike me. I still can't believe what a jerk and fake I've been to him and I feel so guilty. He says he understands and forgives me for everything but I still want to make it up to him somehow…
Okay, it's definitely time for me to go and get some shut eye. I'll write more next time when I'm not so overwhelmed.
Entry 2 (Lance)
Dear Diary,
Hey! It's me again. Been awhile, huh? Sorry. I've been so busy these days what with helping with the new album, writing the script for another video, keeping track of my business, training others to become Lhaam, and of course, helping watch over little Douglas. That itself is the killer. You know, I'm getting stuck with him more and more these days. Oh, I'm not complaining at all. Doug's so good and he's never a problem. It's his parents that are bugging me so much. It feels good to be trusted by the two of them to watch over the guy while they're out. She's so busy these days making sure everything in her sector is running well and helping retrain Joey. Joey on the other hand is bending over backwards trying to win her affection while helping out with the new album and focusing on his training. I don't know who's worse sometimes. It's kinda funny actually, watching those two together but oh well. It's not my place to say anything to them. Juliet's made her choice in letting Joey take the role of being father to Douglas over me. Yeah, I'm still a little sore about that but watching them these days, I know she made the right choice. That still doesn't scratch out the fact that if Joey screws up though, I'll be there personally to force him to shape up or move out. I can't help it if I love both Douglas and Juliet with all my heart. Being one of my best friends though, I know Joey will be the best he can be. He's already turned himself around, hasn't he? Catch you later.
Entry 3 (Juliet)
Dear Diary,
To think that only three months have passed since Joey turned himself around. It's so amazing. He's definitely not the cold presence I felt when I was being watched by him those countless nights when he was Nica. All I feel is the warmth and gentleness he radiates wherever he goes now. I can't help but smile. I know I shouldn't be doing this to myself. I have enough commitments as it is. Every day, I'm loaded with training sessions (of which he just has to be in one of my classes, lucky me) and conflicts to resolve, not to mention the occasional Council meetings and the daily task of watching over Doug. I barely have any time to myself these days and what little I do have seems to be taken up with him.
You know, it's funny. I never pictured myself in this position. Two years ago I would have laughed at the idea of saving the world and being caught up in a global conflict. I would have cried at the thought of leaving behind all my friends and family for this solitary life. And now? It's all I live for. True, I have no other choice, but it's still such a fulfilling life. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Everything that has happened to me has had its purpose, even those dark nights when I just wanted to give it all up. Still, it's all worth it to me. Every time I see little Douglas smile, I know I'm doing my duty by making this world that much safer.
Okay, back to the point. Sorry for that little speech Diary, but I needed to vent out. I'm still a little frustrated and I don't know what to do. I want Douglas to have a father to look up to and the two closest possibilities are Lance and Joey. Lance has been there since day one, helping me even before Doug's birth. He was there to comfort me and calm me down when I learned of my pregnancy. He helped raise him those first few months of the child's life when no one else was around or could be around. And even now, he assumes a very large role in its life by always baby-sitting for me and Joey when we're busy.
But Joey… He's the boy's blood father. I know in this world that means very little but to me it means a lot. Before any of this started, I was surrounded by families who had the traditional mom and dad and that's what I always dreamed of for myself when I was old enough. I guess I shouldn't be holding on to this dream anymore though. I mean, look at me! I'm an unwed mother who bore a child out of a rape. The rapist does a 180 and comes back as an ideal guy to have in life. So why am I so hesitant still? There's no denying that I always have a wonderful time when we go out. Whenever we're together, whether we're training or fighting or planning or just talking to each other, it seems as if we've already been drawn to each other and I don't like the feeling of having been unable to choose for myself. Yeah, I've already said how much faith I have in Tanek for knowing what's best. He has faith in me after all. But in a relationship? I'm still trying to get to know Joey and it doesn't help that he already knows so much about me.
I don't know. Maybe I'm pushing myself right now. It's too soon to figure any of this out. Douglas is still young and he needs all the caring and attention he can get. But what about the day when he's able to talk and ask questions? What will I say when he asks the famous question, 'how was I born'? Who will stand by my side and help me explain to the little one when he's old enough?