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Entry 4 (Joey)
Dear Diary,
I blew it. How you ask? Simple. I guess I should start from the beginning now, huh? Okay, well it went like this. After training today, I was exhausted and beat. It hadn't been a particularly good day of learning and I was frustrated with myself but I was too tired to care. Not only that but things just haven't been going my way lately. The new tour dates got delayed because of some management disputes so we're getting the steam for that one. There's still more hate mail coming to me about me being spotted with this girl or that girl. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem but when Juliet is at the center of it all… I can't help being protective. Somehow, it's getting leaked that I'm seeing her and that I've already had her kid. No one's supposed to know that but for a selected few, unless… Wait, it all makes sense now. Nica are back into my life. They were hurt bad when I left them and they must have been keeping track of me somehow. I don't get it though. We've made all the precautions… Forget it. Back to the point.
Juliet came by after class to see how I was doing. She's known something was wrong with me the past couple of days but I hadn't said anything. She'd left it at that, knowing that I'd tell her when I was ready. Let's see if I can remember exactly what happened next. I was asking how Doug was doing, she said fine. I tried joking around to calm myself and asked if he'd learned how to say anything yet. I knew I said something wrong from the moment that her eyes took on a shaded look and she forced a smile on her face. She said yeah, little Doug's been asking where his dada is. I asked if she told the little guy about me coming over that night and she'd shrugged before turning away. I had to run to catch up to her and then made the mistake of grabbing her and forcing her to turn around to look back at me. I asked her where she was going and she said home. I couldn't believe it. "What about me?" I'd asked and she asked back, "What about you"? I asked if I was still coming over that night to see my kid.
Her eyes had gone icy blue and instinctively, I had backed away. "Your kid?" she asked. "What about me? What about us?" Before I could even begin to rephrase the mistake I'd made she'd gone on, talking about how sick and tired she was of our relationship. She said she wanted more commitment from me. She was tired of raising the child alone. I was astonished to hear how easily she listed off the few times I've been over to watch over the kid. I've been spending so much time working and training and treating her out that I hadn't been bonding with Doug lately. She accused me of not loving him. I got angry then and that's when I started yelling back about how much I did care. Still, it hurt to realize how little I've actually done. It hurt even more when she began comparing me to Lance. Lance is my friend and all but those two share a bond I'll never have with Juliet. She rattled off how much he's been taking care of Doug whenever she's not around. I never even volunteered.
By the time she was done, I was silently crying to myself. Of all the things I wanted, I had hoped that I would never hurt her again. Not since that awful night two years ago. I had thought by treating her like a lady and taking her out I'd be doing enough. How could I have forgotten about Douglas? I should have realized that one comes with the other. I knew that when I had first touched Douglas's head when he was a baby. Why did I forget?
I'd begged to be forgiven, to be given another chance but she had had enough of me for one day. She took off and I didn't have the heart to go after her. What will I do?
Entry 5 (Juliet)
Dear Diary,
This is going to be short, I'm sorry. My friends have noticed my dark mood and urged me to go with them on this hike they're having today. I couldn't refuse. After that fight I had with Joey, my mind's been all over the place. I didn't want to yell at him but my feelings can't be denied any longer. It's been bothering me that he hasn't seen me at all in the past week to try and talk things out but it's not my place to ask questions. It looks like things are over between us. God, this hurts. I never meant anything harmful out of this…
Oh well. I'm going out today and I wasn't sure if I'll be awake enough when I get back tonight to tell you. Lance has been watching over Douglas again for me. I just hope I didn't put a strain in the guys' friendship…
Entry 6 (Joey)
Dear Diary,
It was supposed to work! I still can't believe what just happened earlier today! I feel terrible… What happened? Well everything started out as planned. I was already waiting at one spot on the trail when the group started coming close. I took my time getting up to meet them from where I sat with my picnic basket. When they came within vision, I got up and smiled at the people who were keeping Juliet company this afternoon. They were still a way off though and I waited. Juliet sure didn't look too happy to see me but I wasn't about to be shut out. I was about to make my way over to them when I first felt it. The familiar feeling of coldness returned and when I looked up, there were shadow figures in the trees. Before I could warn any of them, the shadows had dropped down to the ground, surrounding them. I tried to get to them but a couple of guys got on to me as well. Being caught by surprise didn't help me but I did my best. As soon as I was finished with them, by the time I turned back to the rest of the group, the shadow figures had all gone, along with Juliet. The others lay moaning on the ground. I couldn't just leave them like that so I stayed and helped them as best I could until help could be gotten.
After making sure everyone was all right, I tried to talk to someone about going after her but everyone I ran into told me it was a foolish idea. I wasn't trained enough and I'd be doing more harm than good. I feel incredibly guilty though. If it wasn't for me, that hike wouldn't have been needed and none of us would be in this predicament. It's because of me that she's back in the hands of Nica. From my own experience in dealing with prisoners, I can only imagine what they'll do to her.
God, I feel awful. I tried talking to Lance. He deserved to know. He didn't say much though. He got a shaded look in his eyes and I knew he was accusing me. What can I do to show how sorry I am? What can I do to prove that I want Juliet and Douglas in my life? Why didn't I see it before? I have to get her back if only to tell her once again how sorry I am. I took her for granted before and I'm not going to able to live with myself if I can't have another chance. Why haven't I told her how much I love her?