This logs the second year of our relationship.. enjoy!
. . .The Second Year. . .
August 8, 1997. . .(5:50am)
August 17, 1997. . .(4:20pm)
October 5, 1997. . .(1:38pm)
October 12, 1997. . .(12:45pm)
October 25, 1997. . .(10:25am)
December 24, 1997. . .(7:00pm)
January 4, 1998. . .(1:03am)
May 1, 1998. . .(4:20pm)
May 17, 1998. . .(6:01pm)
June 6, 1998. . .(8:05pm)
June 30, 1997. . .(5:47pm)
YES!!! It's now our one year anniversary!!! hehehe...
You can't even begin to imagine how long I've waited for this! *giggles* I never thought we'd make it this far.. until recently. :o)
I have to confess.. our relationship hasn't been all peachy keen as I'd like to have you believe. When I get more time to work on my page, I'll explain the problems that go in our relationship, and how we've gotten through them. Stay tuned in here though! *grin*
We're planning our next meeting!!! :o) Yep.. he's gonna check out the flights for August 8-17.. We're gonna have a blast!!! heheh.. I'll be sure to write an update after he gets here.. Otherwise.. if you ever feel the need to write to me about your current relationship, then write to me here!!! :o)Toodles for now! :o)
I have some fantastic news! James just called me for a few minutes, and I asked him how the plans were going for his next visit. I'm going to be paying his fare to get out here (only $109!!!), and he'll be staying from December 26th until January 3rd! I think it's really neat that we'll be able to see each other again on the anniversary of our first face-to-face meeting. *smile* I'll be sure to keep you updated on the plans! *grin*
Great news, everyone! grinz.. I called my travel agent, Rhonda, yesterday, and I booked James' flight! Rhonda's so nice.. she said I was really sweet for using her as the agent for this flight.. even though they'll have to send the tickets all the way to Ohio. I just figured since I've gone through Rhonda twice before, it was the right thing to do. smilez...
Well, in less than 48 hours, I'll be sitting next to James again! I still haven't quite finished cleaning.. but I have a few hours tonight, and then most of the day tomorrow... so I'll get it done if things go as planned.. hehe..
I wish I had good news.. but James left about 11 hours ago.. so needless to say, I'm pretty damn depressed. I don't feel like writing at the moment, so I'll just post what I wrote to a mailing list I'm a member of for LDRs...:
I think I've cried about an ocean of tears in the past two days. James has
been gone from my side for about 10 hours and 20 minutes now.. and it seems
like it's been forever since I've been in his arms.. even though it really
was only a very short time ago.
Why do all of us put ourselves through the pain of saying "goodbye"? Maybe
it's just me.. but during the few hours before I have to let him get on that
bus/plane.. it seems as though it's not worth it even though I know in my mind
it is. My heart can't take much more of this. I just wish we had some concrete
plans for the future.
I'm not thinking of breaking up with James. No way, José! I just don't know
how many more "goodbye"s I can take, ya know? Each "goodbye" gets worse. The
pain is so much more intense than the one before. I swear my heart is in a
million pieces right now.. even though he has my whole heart in his hands.
The pain won't go away. I came back to my house after the 90 minute drive home,
and I saw a pop can of his sitting on the floor by my computer. My stomach hit
the floor and I got teary-eyed. I have memories of him in this room, in the
kitchen, etc.. and I want to forget them.. I DO! I want to forget everything
that's happened with us.. just so I don't miss him as much. But, at the same
time, I want to remember.. so that I at least have memories of him if I don't
get to see him, touch him, etc. . .
Maybe it would be different if I knew when would be the next time we'll be
seeing each other. I know it would help somewhat. I don't know how to cope
this time. This is the worst it's ever gotten. Occupying myself won't help,
I've tried that. Looking at the memorabilia from our visits only makes things
worse. Smelling the shirt he left me in August only makes me cry.
I have no friends here that really understand. You Rainbowers are the only
ones who can relate to me. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not even looking
for advice. I'm only writing to the list because writing makes me feel better.
However, after I've sent this.. I'll feel bad again. *sigh* Ah well.. I s'pose I'll make it through the night.. and tomorrow.. and next week.. and next month,
but it's going to be difficult.
This may sound crazy to those of you who haven't had the chance to meet your
SO's yet.. and probably to those of you who HAVE met their SO's.. but sometimes
I wish James and I hadn't met. Only because I hate knowing how it feels to
be in his arms and not be able to actually BE in his arms. I miss the times
I get to look into his eyes, touch his cheek, and smile at him. I miss the
"James smell" I breathe in while hugging him tightly.
Chorus 1 & 2 from MY ALL by Mariah Carey:
I'd give my all to have
I'd give my all to have
And I know I have his love with me.. but I want it WITH me.. I want to be able
to see the love in his eyes. I want to be able to look into his eyes and tell
him how much I love him.
*sigh* Sorry about this letter. I'm sure I depressed a lot of people. But, like I said.. I only needed to write this so it would make me feel a little better.
I hope everyone had a great last week.. mine was fantastic up until today *weak
smile*
Much love,
Well, I hope everyone had a good read.. *sigh* I'm outta here for now.. :o(
Yes, yes, I'm finally updating this page. Not a whole lot has been going on with us.. we still haven't seen each other since the last time I updated the log. However, I am going to be seeing him very soon! Me and my parents are driving out to his place so that our parents can meet and so that James can take me to his senior prom! *grin* Then, I just got the "OK" from my mom for James to ride back home with us and stay for a week!!! YES! laughs...
Only 4 more days until me and my parents head out to Ohio! Yay! heh.. I simply cannot wait! I don't have my room cleaned as of yet, but I've been "working on it"!!! *lol*
Continue on to our third year!
© 1998 flame@sanasys.com
Guess what the total price was.. with tax and everything. Is that a steal or what?!? hehe.. I'm so happy!!! jumps up and down.. Ok, not really.. haha..
Well, I just thought I'd let you know how things are going.. and as soon as something else comes up, I'll update it again.. but I doubt anything will be happening until the visit. shrugz..
TopDecember 24, 1997. . .(7:00pm)
There's not anything else to say.. but I didn't think I'd have to time to write before picking him up if I didn't write now.. so.. I'll post some more pics as soon as I get them from this upcoming visit! :o) January 4, 1998. . .(1:03am)
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
------
Marnie
May 1, 1998. . .(4:20pm)
Oh yeah.. and James finally has the net again! We chat on IRC mostly.. but it's not like it used to be. Oh well, at least it's something *grin*
James is planning on going into auto mechanic school now. I don't know why in the world he changed his mind, but hey.. whatever he wants to do; I'm not going to stand in his way.
Marriage still doesn't look like it's in the near future.. but it's definitely in the future somewhere! ;o)
If you have any questions about us.. feel free to get in touch with me! *smile*May 17, 1998. . .(6:01pm)
Well, I have some awesome news! Yep, you read that right! Well, at least, that are what the plans are at this very moment. We're planning on him moving out here sometime late summer.. maybe in July or August.. possibly September. But, at any rate, that's GREAT!!!
He sorta needs to move out here anyways. You see, he's trying to decide between Wyoming Technical Institute (WTI) and Universal Techincal Institute (UTI) in Glendale Heights, Illinois. So, if he decides on UTI, he'll need to live out here to get in-state tuition.. heh.. And ya know what? I'm not complaining one bit! hehehe...
Well, that's about all there is to say right now.. Thanks for stopping by!
The week that James was here in Illinois was totally awesome because I took
my week of vacation for that week. We went to the park a few times, and went
to see City of Angels (we both cried.. if you watch it, and are in an
LDR too.. you'll understand why we both cried.. heh)... and did some other
things, too!
I have some bad news, however. *bummer* James and I have decided that we're
not going to be moving in together until after he graduates from school. That's
going to be another 3 years apart! sigh.. Oh well. Our
love is strong enough.. we'll make it! grin..
That's all I have time for right now.. Feel free to email me at any time if
you so desire! heh..
Last Updated: September 6, 1998
Since September 6, 1998:
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