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Musing: Here is a creative exercise that helps stimulate self-discovery and discussion. It can be used over and over again, and you can add or delete items to suit your needs. The answers will change over time and with different feeling states and points of recovery.
If I Were...
Excerpted from "Trauma Resolution" Seminar by Rockelle Lerner, Hope & Help Conference, 1994
Before I get into my commentary -- A new regular column, "Mike's Moments of Madness" makes it's debut this issue. Thank you Mike for volunteering your time and efforts on our behalf! Also, I found the article I was looking for last issue. "Ten Reasons Why.. " is reprinted below.
Commentary: "Make a valuable contribution to the world.. be selfish!" That's what I have written on a T'shirt I painted for myself. It is a reminder I wear whenever I need a visual aid to remind me to take care of myself. It is hard for me, and I'm sure a many of you, to allow myself to take care of myself. As Survivors we often take care of others only too well, and often at the expense of our own energy levels. Some times we have to be 'selfish' in a good way. We are all worth while individuals and deserved of care and nurturing, being a survivor doesn't deprive us of that basic worthiness. My T'shirt has a scene painted on it that depicts panes of a window, through which one can see a garden in bloom. When I wear it, the picture reminds me that there is a garden within me, that I need to live in harmony with my natural self and to tend and nurture myself. Like a garden, my inner self will fade without tender loving care. I hope you will each nurture your selves too, and "be selfish"!
Written by Jezanna Rainforest, Loosely re-created from a flyer done by FIST (Fabulous Incest Survivors' Tirade) during the San Francisco Examiner's False Memory Syndrome Foundation series. Reprinted in Body Memories [Note: This article pokes fun at FMFS claims and is not intended to offend survivors in any way.]
It's truly an amazing thing when you think about it. Just the other day I was watching a documentary about psychology, and they discussed the art of perception, and how 2 people can be in the same situation and yet come away with very different ideas about it.
It got me thinking a bit about the things I've learned over the past couple of years as I have tried to overcome and survive. Mostly about how my perception of the world is colored by having been a victim, and how many things I have thought to be true over the years have proven to be totally wrong.
Life is so much less complicated when I can truly see things the way they are, not the way I think they are. Of course the really tough part is first seeing things correctly, and then turning around and not acting on the instinctive emotions that I about them. This is not something that can be learned overnight at all. It takes alot of time, it takes having someone point out where your perceptions may be wrong, and it takes training yourself to be disciplined in your responses to situations.
That's alot of work...it's no wonder so many of us feel discouraged and want to give up. But then that feeling is also one of my misconceptions, namely that it can't be overcome. This puts me in quite a vicious cycle, doesn't it? I see it in alot of people too, they go from being positive about their "recovery" to doubting, to giving up. All because they haven't yet learned to deal well with the doubts.
The most frustrating thing about being friends to people in this situation is that they will admit their emotions are often wrong impressions, but when the emotion has to do with recovery they want to say they know exactly what they are doing. Frankly I'd hate to try and be my friend when I feel like this, but I'm glad some people are. Without someone else to point out how my views are based only on fear and not on anything rational, I'd give up every time. And the truth is, this is too important to give up on. Mike
If you would like to share your creative work, poetry, story or artwork in our next newsletter, contact us. We are always looking for interesting articles, personal stories, creative expressions, or other input (including gifs of your work) which you feel would be of interest to survivors of abuse. A special thank you to those who submitted their work for this issue. Each author retains copyrights to their work, no reproduction without the authors consent.
| Memory Quilt by Lisa I am going to make a memory quilt. For all the things I haven't felt yet. For all the things lurking at the edges of my soul and would throw me into despair if I ever dared to open the strained and makeshift gate that keeps the Lisa of 'front office appearance' separate from the Lisa of damned inadequacy. The quilt will keep me warm. The quilt will be gentle to my soul and welcome everything I have yet to recall, feel and name before I can take my reward filled with 'worthwhileness'. The quilt will have so many colours. All the colours will sing and shout and proclaim to a soul pent up in self doubt and stupidity that rest, light, love, health and healing come with the quilt also. Because it is my companion as I take my leave from the harshness, coldness and paradox of 'inconvenience'. I am alive and well and safe. My memory is flung about determined shoulders that do not bear your putrid deeds any longer. My memory quilt is not a heartless shield of honour and defence. It is a soft, sweet invitation into real acceptance of real wellness, 'worthwhileness' and safety. |
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| Soul Hero As I step
away- Copyright 1996 Whitney Lyons Soul Dancers There are my twirls Copyright 1998 Whitney Lyons Tornado of Color The twister arrived suddenly Copyright 1998 Whitney Lyons |
Sarah's Story I'm 17 year's old and three years ago I revealed that I was sexually abused to a mental adolescent health nurse, who had become my friend and someone I could trust. It took me a long time to trust her because since my baby-sitter who was my abuser broke my trust it takes me a long time to trust anyone. I was seeing her because the guidance counsellor at my school thought I was depressed. I saw my abuser at his sisters wedding, after about nine years of not seeing him. After seeing him again everything came back in one big swoop and scared the living daylights out of me. It scared me because my mind had blocked off these memories. I finally had a reason for being so angry at everyone and everything. I told the mental health nurse my story, she told my parents and Children's Aid Society that I had been abused, because I was under 16 at the time. I told my psychiatrist and the social worker who was working with my family at the time. I told Children's Aid that I wanted to press charges. They got in contact with the police from where the abuse happened and I told the police officer my story, which was very scary. My pressing charges only went as far as two preliminary hearings and a sentencing hearing. I attended the sentencing hearing. I feel that the sentencing hearing was almost as bad as the abuse. I feel this way because this was the first time since I had remembered the abuse that I had been in the same room as my abuser and I had never been a court room before. I got to my friends house after the sentencing hearing and we cried together. This friend and I have been friends since we were a year old and we have no secrets from one another. At the end of our crying spree I felt like God had lifted nine years of pain, hate, fear and be-trail off of me. I don't know what I would have done without the help of God and my friends because they helped me through the pain and torment I was going through. After this I thought I was healed and could go on with the rest of my life but I was wrong. On a Friday after school I took the bus to my friends house and the bus passed the court house and I froze. I couldn't move. I just sat there staring at the court house. On Sunday when I got back to my house I prayed and God said that the court house was a sign from him that I was ready to begin my healing process. So I started group therapy and I'm halfway through my second block, a block is eight weeks. I feel that God has helped me through the most difficult time in my life. I will continue to listen to him and use his wisdom to the best of my ability. Sarah |
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