This newsletter deals with abuse and abuse related issues. Every attempt is made to ensure the accuracy of information presented. However, we assume no liability re same. This newsletter may be distributed for non-profit and educational purposes, provided it remains fully intact. No other distribution without the authors consent.
There are many "myths" surrounding the issue of Sexual Assault. Some of them are dispelled below. These examples were taken from "Dispelling the Myths" by the Ontario Women's Directorate
Myth: Sexual Assault is not a common problem
Fact: 1 in 4 Canadian Women will be sexually assaulted
during her lifetime. Half of these assaults will be against women under the age of 16.
Myth: Women lie about being sexually assaulted, often
because they feel guilty about having sex.
Fact: Women rarely make false reports about sexual
assault. In fact, sexual assault is a vastly under-reported crime. According to Statistics
Canada, only 6% of all sexual assaults are reported to the police.
Myth: The best way for a woman to protect herself form
sexual assault is to avoid being alone at night in dark, deserted places, such as alley's
or parking lots.
Fact: Most sexual assaults (60%) occur in a private home
and the largest percentage of these (38%) occur in the victims home. The idea that most
sexual assaults fit the 'stranger-in-a-dark-alley' stereotype can lead to a false sense of
security.
Myth: Men who sexually assault women are either mentally
ill or sexually starved.
Fact: Men who sexually assault are not mentally ill or
sexually starved. Studies on the profiles of rapists reveal that they are
"ordinary" and "normal" men who sexually assault women in order to
assert power and control over them.
Myth: It is only sexual assault if physical violence or
weapons are used.
Fact: Sexual assault is any unwanted act of sexual nature
imposed by one person upon another. The Criminal Code definition of sexual assault
includes a number of acts ranging from unwanted sexual touching, to sexual violence
resulting in wounding, maiming or endangering the life of the victim. Most sexual assaults
are committed by a man known to the victim who is likely to use verbal pressure, tricks
and/or threats during an assault
Myth: Unless she is physically harmed, a sexual assault
victim will not suffer any long-term effects.
Fact: Sexual assault can have serious effects on women's
health and well-being. A recent survey of Canadian women found that 9 out of 10 incidents
of violence against women have an emotional effect on the victim. Women who have been
sexually assaulted feel anger, fear and can become more cautious and less trusting.
Abuse is a "human" issue. It is not a concern solely for women. Many men are
abused. Women are also abusers. It is my personal belief that if we continue to focus on
"gender" differentiation with regards to abuse to the exclusion of its effects
on humanity as a whole, we seriously undermine our effectiveness in addressing abuse
issues.
Months ago, "Take Back the Night" marches were held across Canada. Many specifically excluded men from all or part of the ceremonies. For example, one I know of held opening and closing ceremonies which were open to men, women and children alike. The actual march, which took place in between the above ceremonies excluded men. Yet there were many men who would have marched in support of women's rights to walk the streets without fear of violence. I seriously question how we are to effectively address the issue if we continue to exclude men from standing up for what have traditionally been considered women's issues.
I wonder if we have crossed the point where traditional methods of addressing this issue, i.e. by and for women, may well start to prove counter-productive. By excluding male support, not only did we lose some voices and discourage men from supporting the cause, but we may well have acted in a prejudice and stereotypical manner in that our actions effectively classified "men" in a negative light by not accepting their support.
In my humble opinion, violence and abuse are "human" issues. The fact that they occur to a larger extent against women is relevant, but it does not change the fact that many men are concerned and want to see not only violence/abuse against women stopped, but all such violence.
Surely the time has come to reorient ourselves around this issue. To join all voices, male or female, who wish to speak out and say "stop! violence, assault, abuse etc are not acceptable in our society".
We are always looking for interesting articles, personal stories, creative expressions, or other input (including gifs of your work) which you feel would be of interest to survivors of abuse. E-Mail Silent No Longer
The following poems were submitted by Linda. Linda has written many poems during her healing journey.
SCARLET TEARS
Scarlet tears, for you I shed
On the pillow, in my bed
In the secret rooms far inside
We take the tears, and help them hide
In the rooms, in our head
Flowers bloom, Scarlet Red
Petals fall, just like tears
Sadness comes with all its fears
And Scarlet tears again I shed
On the pillow, in my bed
In secret rooms inside my head
Sadness comes when all is said.
(c)'95 Linda
Untitled
The black cloak covers us
So we cannot see
The light dims and dies
As does our hearts
Who hears the cries
Of unseen children
Who will mend the hearts
That have dimmed and died
The sorrow is much
The heart grows heavy
The pain in each of us
Seems intolerable
But one screams from the soul
And frightens all
Horrific the sound of remembering
Unending pain comes from believing
Denial is the only course for now
Until we can remember and believe
Without going mad
Or have the pain tear your soul into a million pieces
Too many pieces to put back together
So we will bide our time
See the flowers grow
The sun warms the earth
New leaves on trees
We are in a season of Birth
Of things new
Look at it, breath it
Become one with it
Grow strong again
Look again to see the remembering
Embrace it, believe it
Feel the pain
Move from the coldness of denial
Into the warmth of the sun
And heal the Soul
(c) March '94 Linda
Thank you Linda for sharing these with us!
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