Silent No Longer Newsletter

Autumn '97 © All copyrights reserved.

This newsletter deals with abuse and abuse related issues. Every attempt is made to ensure the accuracy of information presented. However, we assume no liability re same. This newsletter may be distributed for non-profit and educational purposes, provided it remains fully intact, and is distributed free of charge. No other distribution without the authors consent.

Some signs that abuse may be happening in your relationship include..

• repeated criticism about what you wear - think - feel - eat - do - etc.
• demands for an accounting of where you've been
• punishment by withholding affection
• repeated accusations that you are having an affair
• a feeling of 'walking on egg shells'
• repeatedly being told you are stupid, lazy, fat, ugly or other such demeaning term.
• you stay with him because he threatens self-harm should you leave
• you believe there is something wrong with you because you aren't the way your partner wants you to be
• pressure for sex against your will, or to engage in particular sexual activities against your will
• you feel as if you can't live without your partner
• you believe their jealousy is a sign of how much they love you
• your partner drives the car recklessly to frighten you
• he/she makes threats about hurting you, a pet, or a child
• he/she makes significant decisions without consulting you
• you are expected to account for every dollar you spend
• you stop seeing family/friends because he/she disapproves
• you worry about having friends over when he/she is home

The greater number of these signposts present in your relationship the more the cause for concern. Don't fool yourself that "it doesn't matter if they hit you, they love you". No one deserves to be abused in the name of love. Get appropriate help - as an individual or a couple - if necessary.

This commentary usually reflects some aspect of my life at press time. Right now my focus is on "The Unknown". I moved house and geographic regions a month ago. While the new place is all I could want it to be, and I feel I've made the right choice for myself, there is a difficult side to my choice. Apart from leaving friends behind, one of the difficult things is that everything is new. New neighours, new streets, new services, new doctor, new therapist, new stores, new social scene, new friends, even new routines. Virtually nothing is a 'known' right now. This survivor does better when the variables are known! So you can imagine how 'uncomfortable' I felt initially with all these changes. I am tackling these new relationships one by one, yet each time I tackle one, it feels like I am tackling them all. It also feel like I am not 'settled' until all the relationships are settled and I am in sync with my new life.

Yet, to put that discomfort into perspective, I am surviving and establishing new relationships - gingerly. I feel like a closet-survivor again though as none of these new relationships 'know' about my 'survivorship'. Sometimes I think it would be so easy to remain in the closet, and yet in my heart I know that isn't okay for me. It would be denying a major part of my life's experience, experience that has in some way brought me to this point.

I am sad that it feels so awkward and insecure to tell the new people in my life of my abuse. Even after all these years and all the public education the topic is still 'awkward' - to tell, and for many to hear. So for now I shall protect myself and remain closeted for a while longer. Perhaps peeking out every now and then to a select audience. There is a balance in all of this, my new surroundings and acquaintances are unknown to me, but I too am 'unknown' to the people here.

If you would like to share your creative work, poetry, story or artwork here, contact us. We are always looking for interesting articles, personal stories, creative expressions, or other input (including gifs of your work) which you feel would be of interest to survivors of abuse. A special thank you to those who submitted their work for this issue.

Just Another Day
Written By: LittleDzz

I sit up in bed and realize another day is beginning. I get out of bed, with much effort, attempting to go forward with my day. I find that I tire so easily. What was so exhausting? Was it brushing my teeth, my hair? Was it making the bed…or did I even make the bed? Or, was it merely getting out of bed that tired me so much? I don’t have much to look forward to, as I don’t allow myself to dream. So why is every day a disappointment?

THERAPEUTIC ART..

Delinda would like to share some of her photography with other survivors. Delinda writes.. "this is one of my favourites, as I feel it represents my feelings.. quite blurring and a lot of times hard to distinguish. The photo was manipulated in the darkroom to get the effect of a painting. Here are both a gif of the original photo (on left) and the manipulated one (on right), just for comparison."

Releases are provided "as is" from their source. All information is the responsibility of the source.

"LIGHTCIRCLE - A group dedicated to bringing child abuse (sexual, psychological, emotional and spiritual) out into the light where the myths can be exploded and the stories can be heard. Bringing the tragedy of child abuse into the light (public and private), so that it touches the lives of everyone within the world to the extent that child abuse becomes something unknown and obsolete.

Goals
1. To begin a dialog with local, state and national representatives regarding child abuse issues.
2. To research the data on child abuse.
3. To discover the myths surrounding child abuse and to explode these myths.
4. To TELL, TELL, TELL. By telling our stories we give ourselves back the power that the abuse tried to strip from us.( All stories will be anonymous and names changed to protect healing processes).
5. To begin to end the cycles of abuse we see around us in our world by becoming beacons of light and hope to others.
6. To reach out and assist other men and women who are on the road to healing through support.
7. To have an e-mail and snail mail list that sends news out to people for news and support.
8. To compile a resource lists of books and articles on child abuse, healing of abuse issues, and stories.
9. To begin to bring power into our lives through action.

This is a beginning, a start to begin to use our power and to make a difference. It would be a different world if everyone who was abused told their story and took their power back. Then the abuse of our children would stop.

If you are interested in joining LIGHTCIRCLE, please e-mail me. Together we can begin to change our world.

Writing Projects
1. Resource List
2. Open dialog to reps
3. Guide to child sexual abuse for educators
4. E mail/ snail mail newsletter
5. Stories of abuse and triumph"

"Dear fellow survivors, Haley and I (Mary Ellen) are currently working on writing a book called "please email us suggestions for a great title. something that shows unison of survivors. ;o) thanks". (For survivors by survivors) It is for survivors of all types of abuse to share their stories, poetry, and artwork (littles can send in their drawings too ;o) ). We hope to unite survivors from all over.

The idea of this book is to give survivors a chance to break free from the silence that has held them down, to express how real their pain is through their stories and/or writings, and to together begin to heal.

If any of you want to contribute anything to this book, or any other survivor that would like to please email us at: Pouncer99@aol.com and SilntRane@aol.com. All work will be protected by copyright and can be sent anonymously if so desired. By survivors uniting together a new door of hope opens for those survivors still in hiding. If anyone has any suggestions, ideas, or thoughts for this book please email us. This is a group effort and all your ideas and thoughts are appreciated. Depending on how well the response is to this book we may not be able to use all stories and writings sent to us. We will try our best to and will keep anyone who wants to be part of this book updated on the progress of it. When we complete the book in its entirety we will be sending it as a whole to be published (we hope). Also, in this book we will be including a list of survivor pages on the internet and also a complete listing of local help centers by city and state.

Thanks for your time,
Mary Ellen and Haley ;o) keep smiling

P.S. We found out that it's not legally possible for a publisher to print a survivors story with actual names and places if the abuser is alive and identifiable. You can send your stories either anonymous. or use pseudonyms (fake names), which is a way to protect yourselves and safe-guard your healing."

The links section of FreeToBe's is growing all the time. If there is anyone out there willing to help out by checking the links for obsolete listings, email me.

Odds n Ends

• Check out the 'Silent No Longer' Email support list.
  
• New Survivors List at www.geocities.com/HotSprings/6489
• Let us know what you would like to see in upcoming newsletters.
  
• Check out the rest of the links and submit something! :-)
• Know of any other abuse related newsletters online? Let me know!

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