Silent No Longer Newsletter

Spring '97 © All copyrights reserved.

This newsletter deals with abuse and abuse related issues. Every attempt is made to ensure the accuracy of information presented. However, we assume no liability re same. This newsletter may be distributed for non-profit and educational purposes, provided it remains fully intact, and is distributed free of charge. No other distribution without the authors consent.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT

The following is an excerpt from: "The Joke Is Over - Student to Student Sexual Harassment in Secondary Schools (1995)"

"Sexual harassment is any unwanted, uninvited remarks, gestures, sounds or actions of a sexual nature that make you feel unsafe, degraded or uncomfortable." Some examples are:

• unwanted, unwelcome physical contact like touching, grabbing or patting;
• rude jokes or suggestive remarks of a sexual nature;
• demeaning nicknames like "chick", "sexy", "stud", or "babe";
• cat calls, rating, or embarrassing whistles;
• sexually insulting remarks about race, culture, ability or class;
• your name written on walls or desks, e.g., "for a good time, call _________";
• stalking

What you can do if you have been sexually harassed?

1. You can believe in your own feelings.

   When you are sexually harassed you may:
   

   • feel unsafe or embarrassed
     
   • worry that you are the only one this has happened to
   • think that you are exaggerating
   • be afraid to go to school, or out with friends
2. Do not ignore it. It will not go away.

   People who have been sexually harassed report that it sometimes escalates to stalking, to threatening, or even to assault. Remember: sexual harassment is part of the picture of violence and IT IS ILLEGAL.

3. You can name it. Use the term sexual harassment to identify what is happening.
   Look at the definition given in this pamphlet. If you believe what that what is happening is sexual harassment, use the term. Naming is a significant step.
4. You can tell someone you trust

   If YOU think you are being sexually harassed or can't understand if what is going on is harassment, you can tell someone you trust. This person might be:

   • a friend
   • a teacher or counsellor;
   • the principal or vice-principal;
   • school nurse, or community health worker;
   • a parent or relative

   Remember, if any person says or acts like they don't believe you or says you are exaggerating, find someone else to tell. If you feel all alone, call your local crisis line, woman's shelter, or the youth helpline. Don't give up.

5. If Possible, you can tell the person harassing you to stop.

   You may want to have a friend along or you may want to write a letter. Tell the person firmly and directly that their behaviour is unwanted, that you do not like it and that it must stop immediately. You can use the term sexual harassment.

6. Write down what is happening.

   Keep a list of what happens, the location, time of day, where it happens, and how long it goes on for. Keep a list of witnesses and details of all incidents.

7. You can keep yourself safe.

   If you believe you are being sexually harassed and find that saying "no " does not stop the behaviour or if your objections have no effect, or if you are afraid to say no, get help.

   If you believe you are in danger - do not delay. Go directly to an adult you can trust. Schools are required to provide a safe, affirming place for you to learn and socialize. Both the violence Free Schools Policy and the Ontario Human Rights Code make it clear that sexual harassment is illegal and will not be tolerated. At any time you have the right to contact the police, the Ontario Human Rights Commission, or a lawyer.

Commentary by FreeToBe

Spring is here. For me it is an awkward season. I look forward to the warm sunshine. I also feel strange peeling off those bulky and protective layers of clothing worn all Winter. Why? The answer seems to lie in the 'exposure potential' rather than vanity. With Spring, come subtle messages from the past. Messages that suggest culpability. I am left 'feeling' awkward exposing skin so long hidden, lest doing so somehow gives 'permission' to others to take advantage of my body. The adult me recognizes these messages for what they are... internalized messages from the past. It takes a few weeks, but I do adjust. The awkwardness is only within. I remember that no matter how I dress, my body is still mine, available to no other without expressed permission.

If you would like to share your creative work, poetry, story or artwork here, contact us. We are always looking for interesting articles, personal stories, creative expressions, or other input (including gifs of your work) which you feel would be of interest to survivors of abuse. A special thank you to those who submitted their work for this issue.

"My name is Katherine Soto. I am a survivor who is healing. One day I hope to be a Conqueror of all my dragons and demons. I write poetry to let it all out. Here are a few I have written. Hope they will speak to someone out there."

"I hope one day to publish my poems as a collection of a journey to hope and healing." © K.Soto

Odds n Ends

• Keep sending in those submissions for the Humour Page.
  
• Check out the #survivors_haven irc channel located on dalnet.
  
• Let us know what you would like to see in upcoming newsletters.
  
• Check out the rest of the links and submit something! :-)

© 1997-2005 FreeToBe