This newsletter deals with abuse and abuse related issues. While every attempt is made to ensure the accuracy of information presented, we assume no liability re same. This newsletter may be distributed for non-profit and educational purposes, provided it remains fully intact, and is distributed free of charge. No other distribution without the authors consent.
Recent discussions on the Silent No Longer list produced the following characteristics for a good group.
| Group leader who has experience
with the issue(s) and working with groups A setting that is comfortable and encourages a safe and supportive atmosphere. Non-judgmental. Supportive and accepting of all members & their individual survival choices. Respectful encouragement of members to respect their own boundaries and to disclose as they feel ready. Facilitates members discovery of what is best for them and allows them choose their own path to healing. Composition of group needs to be one you are comfortable with, (e.g. all female, all male, or mixed). Ability of facilitators to manage transference and conflicts within the group in a manner that is productive and safe for all members. Confidentiality of the group and information shared within. |
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Speaking
up [or not] is hard to do! I can honestly say that it is both hard for me to speak up and hard for me to not speak up. At times I find I can't NOT speak up, even though it is hard on me emotionally to do so. At other times, I find it too hard to speak up, even when it would be better for me emotionally to do so. Sound familiar? There used to be no rhyme or reason to times when I spoke up and those I kept silent. As I process more along my journey, I started to see a pattern. A way of knowing when it was right for 'me' to speak or hold silence. The trick for me, if I can manage it, is to pause and listen. To listen to the answers that arise from within before asking the question. To 'be' with how I am and let those messages themselves let me know what it is I wish to do. Not what I 'think', not what I 'should' do, nor what will happen if I don't do... but where I am right now, in the moment. If I can listen, I will know if I am okay to be there, and if not, what I need to change in order for me to 'be' okay in that space. If that includes speaking up, then so be it. If not, that is okay too. I believe in using personal truths/knowledge as a guide on life's highways. I am still learning to put that belief in to practice in my everyday life. |
I have been to the mountaintop! OK, so I'm no Martin Luther King, but I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, who has seen and experienced some of the good things life has for us. All the things I've lived for years never expecting, never hoping for.
It's taken a long time to reach this point. I went years not even knowing what happiness meant, or joy. I knew the dictionary terms, but I had no real gut-level knowledge of these things. I see now that I never even knew how to trust anyone, how to give of myself to someone. How to truly care about someone. These were such scary things. Things that only a fool would do, right? We all know that the moment I care for someone, or I’m vulnerable to someone, they will hurt me, they will take advantage of me, violate me. So I’ve lived sheltered, a safe distance away from other people. For years, no one was allowed close to my heart, no one was even given a chance to hurt me. I lived a life you all know too well. But it's different now.
What's different? I have learned one very important fact of life. The person who
did those mean, horrible things to me all those years ago, is not everyone. He was one
person. There are many more out there just like him. People who I need to keep my guard up
against. But there are also people out there not like him. I'm not like him, and I know
I'm not alone. I have found people in my life (not many, but a few) who I can trust.
People who are not perfect, and will disappoint me, but who nonetheless, accept me and
value me. I've learned that even when they do disappoint me, I can live through that. We
can survive that together, and grow together, as friends, brothers, sisters, lovers,
whatever the case may be. I've learned, that through these people, I can feel happiness,
joy and love. I’ve learned what it means to have comfort in times of sorrow, laughter
in times of happiness, love and support in times of trouble. I’ve learned that I am
just as deserving as anyone else of these things. I am not the horrible person I’ve
always envisioned. Most of all I've learned that this is the mountaintop, and I thank the
people in my life who have brought me to it. I hope you find people in your own life who
love you the way these people love me, and you can learn to trust them and be loved by
them. Mike
If you would like to share your creative work, poetry, story or artwork in our next newsletter, contact us. We are always looking for interesting articles, personal stories, creative expressions, or other input (including gifs of your work) which you feel would be of interest to survivors of abuse. A special thank you to those who submitted their work for this issue. Each author retains copyrights to their work, no reproduction without the authors consent.
Nights of shadows and Fear In darkness,
eyes closed, lungs
forced to breath.
Tall shadows,
footsteps
I can but sense.Drawing close, engulfing me
I turn, desperate to flee
Deep within
a door slammed tight
secret vestige mine.Nausea and pain
roam my body at will
wave...after...wave
Sears relentlessly through
searching for
the last guarded room
My soul, defiant therein.Vigilant, I watch the door
a shadow cast, capture imminent
Dawn breaks, shadows depart
relieved, exhausted, I muster
Another night
survived.
Anon
Excerpts from a diary...It's been one of those days. My
sense of being, of knowing,
challenged at every turn. A face, a word, an expression ~
innocently enters my space
and poof goes my reality. At first, confusion. I struggle
to hold on to my sense that
their words do not fit for me. The more they talk, the more
my knowledge fades. I can
barely grasp what "I" was
before the transformation. Altered, I nod and agree. Yes
of course, no argument from
me. Much later ~ alone,
away from the noise of others,
I know, I feel, I am. I remember, who I am, what
I want to be, how I feel, and
what I think. I remember why
their words don't fit for me. A private knowledge that hides
from sight ~ not strong enough
to be shared.ANGER AND FRUSTRATIONI'M SITTING HERE WITH ANXIETY
FROM MADNESS THAT I FEEL,
I COULD NOT CARE LESS
IF I HAD ANOTHER MEAL. I AM JUST SO FRUSTRATED
ON THE WAY I FEEL RIGHT NOW,
THAT ALL I CAN DO AT THIS MOMENT
IS PRAY TO GOD AND BOW. I WISH THAT HE CAN SOLVE MY PROBLEMS
AND MAKE THEM GO AWAY,
CAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE
OF LIVING EVERYDAY. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE
THAT GOD THINKS I CAN TAKE,
I WISH THAT HE WOULD HELP ME
FOR HEAVENS SAKE. I AM ABOUT TO LOSE
A MAN THAT LOVES ME SO,
CAUSE HE CAN'T TAKE NO MORE OF ME
AND WHY, GOD, YOU SHOULD KNOW. DID I DESERVE THIS PUNISHMENT
WHAT HAVE I DONE SO WRONG,
FOR FEELING VERY LONELY
FOR VERY, VERY LONG. ALTHOUGH I HAVE A MATE
WHO LOVES ME VERY MUCH,
HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY I HATE TO FEEL THE TOUCH. HE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME
WHEN I SAY SOMETHING'S BAD,
WITH TOUCHING ME WHILE I SLEEP
IT MAKES ME VERY MAD. HE KEEPS ON DOING THIS
ALTHOUGH I TELL HIM "NO",
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
HE SAYS HE LOVES ME SO. I KNOW I NEED SOME HELP
WITH LEARNING HOW TO FEEL,
BUT MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS
AND WE CAN MAKE A DEAL. I PROMISE THAT I'LL TRY
TO BE A BETTER WIFE,
IF YOU CAN TRY TO SUPPORT ME
IN FIXING MY WHOLE LIFE. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH,
I KNOW THAT I MUST TRY
TO UNDERSTAND YOU TOO.
WE BOTH NEED SOME HELP
TO JOURNEY THROUGH THIS ALL,
OR OUR MARRIAGE WILL NOT LAST
AND I MUST TAKE THE FALL. I WANT TO WORK ON ME
WHILE YOU ARE WORKING ON YOU,
SO WE CAN SOON WORK TOGETHER
IN EVERYTHING WE DO. I WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
AND MAKE YOU VERY PROUD,
OF HAVING A WIFE THAT LOVES YOU
AND SHOWING YOU OUT LOUD. ONE DAY I HOPE I'M LIKE THIS
SO THAT I CAN BE A PART,
OF A LOVING COUPLE IN MARRIAGE
THAT SHOWS LOVE FROM THE HEART. I LOVE YOU VERY DEEPLY
MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW,
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHOW YOU
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU SO. I KNOW YOU NEED SO DESPERATELY
TO FEEL THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU,
I UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION
AND KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. ALTHOUGH YOU SHOW ME LOVE
IN EVERY WAY YOU CAN,
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT IT
BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN. WHEN YOU SAY, YOU DON'T FEEL MY LOVE
I CAN UNDERSTAND,
ALL THE EMPTINESS INSIDE OF YOU
THAT'S WHY WE NEED A HELPING HAND. I HOPE THAT YOU CAN COPE WITH ME
FOR JUST A LITTLE MORE,
SO I CAN GET THE HELP I NEED
TO GET RIGHT TO THE CORE. I AM SO AFRAID
THAT YOU ARE GONNA GO,
I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO. SO PLEASE UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY,
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH
IN EVERY SINGLE WAY. WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER
GOD HAS SENT YOU TO ME,
WE ARE GONNA MAKE IT
BECAUSE IT WAS MEANT TO BE.A POEM BY CHRIS ANN
| Untitled supposing I'm acting, suppose that I'm mad, can I trust you to see what is false,what is true? and what if they're truthful, and he really was good Why should I trust her? She's not safe,she's not calm, I hate her with passion because she was hurt, A vulnerable female, just right to abuse. except for the fear, the terror, the pain, no escape and no healing, no motherly arms so she cuts and she bleeds, and she shows them she's
hurt until 30 years later the secrets burst out and again as she bleeds and asks herself why so I'm screaming inside, "please don't listen to
me! "I'm so scared and so frightened, is it worse I
should be One voice cries "believe me! truth begs to be
known!" Poem by Gill |
your voice wanting
to hear your voice Not missing the pressure I miss the sound just the sound Poem by Gill |
Odds n Ends
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