This newsletter deals with abuse and abuse related issues. Every attempt is made to ensure the accuracy of information presented. However, we assume no liability re same. This newsletter may be distributed for non-profit and educational purposes, provided it remains fully intact, and is distributed free of charge. No other distribution without the authors consent.
Characteristics and Consequences:
In an article on "Perceptual Boundary Damage: Similarities between Dysfunctional and Sexually Abusive Families", Rokelle Lerner identifies the following parent/adult characteristics and their possible consequences to a child:
| Characteristic | Possible Consequences to Child |
| Massive Denial | Learn to deny feelings. Loss of ability to accurately assess situations. |
| Delusional Thinking | Feeling of craziness/confusion. Don't trust self or sense of reality. |
| Role Reversal | Learn to not hold authority figures accountable. Loss of trust. See all authority as incompetent. Irretrievable loss of childhood. |
| Rigid Defense Patterns | Lean there is no room for differences. Learn fragility. Learn good/bad system. |
| Crisis Orientation, Chaotic Lifestyle | Insecurity. Lack of prevention skills. Crisis orientation to problem solving. Have crisis in order to get nurturing and attention needs met. |
| Inappropriate Role Expectations of Children - too high/too low. | Intolerance of own mistakes. Unmet Dependency and independence needs. Lack of appropriate accountability. Constant feeling of shame and inadequacy. Performance anxiety. Does not let child individuate. |
| Indirect Communication of Needs and Wants | Over-attention to covert messages - mind reading. Incorrect translations. Poor communications skills. Lack of assertiveness skills. |
| Excessive Secrecy | Learn to not talk about feelings or problems. Can't reality test with outside world. Pseudo-intimacy in keeping secrets. Not seeking help when needed. |
| Inconsistent Family Rules | Insecurity. Lack of internal discipline. A feeling of constantly being "off kilter". |
| Shame Based | Good/Bad system - Blaming/shaming system. Low self-esteem. Internalized shame, for all members. Poor intimacy skills. |
Article Source: "Trauma Resolution" Seminar by
Rokell Lerner.
VCR Tape of the Conference is (was) available from "That Other Bookstore",
Toronto. 1-800-668-2665
Of late, I have received many emails from surfers who have unfortunately suffered abuse at the hands of the counselor, therapist, priest or other such professional they have sought help from. It is great to see people are speaking out and reaching out to connect with others who have been victimized by the very people they entrusted their healing and health to. Unfortunately, therapist abuse of clients is all to real and not as "infrequent" as we would like it to be.
I am not a stranger to therapy abuse, and I can say resolutely that it has had a serious impact on my life, and still does, even now many many years later. If you even suspect, even have a small doubt that what your therapist is doing with you may not be okay, please, seek some outside input. Don't squash your inner-voice no matter how small., it's amazing how "right" that voice can ultimately be.
Abuse by Professionals, revisiting an old report.
Some comments direct from the preliminary and final reports of the Task Force on Sexual Abuse of Patients (Commissioned by the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, 1991:
"... to put it bluntly 23% of incest survivors who go for help end up being abused sexually by their "helpers".... On average , survivors go to more than three therapists in their quest for care, yet only half of them get any measure of real help. ... I have attempted to report physician abusers in the past, but the College was not interested unless my patients were willing to expose their fragile equilibrium to the daunting process of the Discipline Committee. Those who entered the complaints process wished they hadn't, and felt brutalized in helping the College do it's job of protecting the public." Dr. Harvey Armstrong, Pg 2, Preliminary Report
"Survivors of sexual abuse usually take so long to face the horror of what has happened to them that when they do speak,it is with much pain - and much credibility. Patients and abused children are similar: they are vulnerable, they trust and they expect protection. Sadly, their trust makes them easy targets. When they are betrayed and used for sexual gratification of the powerful caregiver, they do not want the abuse to be true; they do not want to be tainted by it. It is a normal human response to deny, discount, self-blame, even to return to the caregiver trying to believe it did not happen,or trusting it won't happen again." Marilou McPhedran, Lawyer, Task Force Chair. Pg 1, Preliminary Report.
"All doctors must understand the significance of the trust relationship they have with their patients. It is up to the doctor, NEVER the patient, to have a code of behaviour which he/she does not break. Sexual abuse of patients is unacceptable under all circumstances". Dr. Rachel Edney, Pg 3, Preliminary Report.
"Many patients, men and women, the latter being the majority, have shared with the Task Force their pains and sufferings resulting from abused meted out to them by doctors. For many, speaking to the Task Force members was the first attempt to unlock their secrets. The experiences as they were so excruciatingly shared with us mirrored the experiences of incest and rape victims. In fact, many patients describe their experiences as physical, psychological, and spiritual rape. A majority indicated that their victimization's were particularly damaging and devastating because the doctors were placed in a position of absolute trust. We found these sharings were profoundly emotional and highly legitimate. Working on the Task Force has been quite an eye-opening and heart-wrenching experience which I will not soon forget." Roz Roach, Task Force Member. Pg 5 Preliminary Report.
As with most abuse statistics, under-reporting is evident: Prior to the Task Force only 27 reports of physician abuse of patients had been reported to the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario in the previous 11 years. Over the life of the Task Force (7 months), 303 detailed reports of sexual abuse by physicians and others in a position of trust!
According to the Report..
"The unequal distribution of power in the physician-patient relationship creates opportunities for sexual abuse. Patients seek the help of doctors when they are in a vulnerable state - when they are sick, when they are uncertain, when they are needy. This vulnerability gives physicians the power to exact sexual compliance. Knives and guns and physical force are not necessary." Pg 10, Final Report.
By extension the same power imbalance is present in all forms of client/counselor relationship.
According to the report there is serious and considerable harm done to those who have been sexually exploited by physicians.
"The damage can be physical, emotional, and spiritual. Those who have suffered even one episode of fondling have had their boundaries breached and their trust broken, and have suffered as a result. ...Symptoms which follow sexual abuse of adolescent or adult women include intense anxiety, fear, panic, depression, loss of trust in the world and society (which may present as paranoid suspicions), difficulty in developing an intimate relationship, difficulty in sexual relationships, flashbacks,nightmares and disordered sleep, and retriggering of memories of childhood sexual abuse or previous acquaintance or stranger assault. ... Many patients develop a fear and mistrust of doctors. The experience of sexual abuse in the examination room is so powerful and humiliating that they may avoid further medical care or travel hundreds of miles in remote communities to get medical care that feels appropriate to them. ...The suffering caused by the abuse is not limited to patients themselves. [The Task Force] heard how the suffering spread to family members and how it contributed to family breakdown, poor parenting, and the inability to work and to function." Pg 12, Preliminary Report.
The Task Force also believes, based on reports they received and the research available, that physicians who abuse are often serial abusers. Which means that many of the patients of an offending physician are at risk, even if only one patient has been able and courageous enough to complain.
While this Task Force was focused on Physician abuse of patients, the fiduciary responsibility that is inherently present in the doctor/patient relationship is present in any relationship where a vulnerable person seeks professional help from a trained "helper", e.g. counselor/client, teacher/student, types of relationships. Breach of trust and taking advantage of those vulnerabilities for personal gain is a serious violation of the client, and undoubtedly brings about significant harm.
Check out the Abuse by professionals Links, the Therapy Abuse Article, and the Bibliography Section(s) of this website for further information and reading resources.
Ever wonder why it is that they say "You can't go home again"? Or why, no matter how hard you try to recapture an emotion, a moment, it never really seems the same? Have you ever run into someone after years of being apparently to discover that they've changed? There is a sad feeling that goes along with that discovery, a certain sense of loss, but think to yourself for a minute. How sad would it be had they NOT changed? Do you really want the people around you to not grow, not develop new interests, talents or character traits?
We try and try, to hold onto the past. We want everyone to stay just like they are now, we like them this way, why would we want them to change? But the truth is, life is full of change. It is not something to be feared, but something to cherish, something to look forward to. Yes, it leaves us all uncertain, and to some the thought may seem unbearable, but it is this same change that gives us hope for a better tomorrow. This is the change that makes getting out of bed worthwhile, because you never know what today will be like until you live it.
I've recently had some struggle with this, spending time worried about the future, trying to hold onto a perfect moment and never letting anything about it change. That's a lot of pressure to be under. That was a lot to ask of myself, to not change, stop growing. And it was completely unfair to ask anyone else to do that as well. That is not what life is about. The perfect moments of life will come at various times, but rarely do they ever come exactly as we planned. If we could produce them at will, we'd all be living very sterile lives, I think.
It's only by continuing our growth as individuals that we can truly be happy. The
people who grow along with us will be blessed with friendship, companionship, and maybe
even love, forever. The one's who don't and hold onto the past, are doomed to stay there
forever. Which would you rather have? Is it worth taking a chance and allowing yourself,
and others, to grow and change? Or would you rather accept the "safety" of
trying to hold something that you cannot. Time has a way of changing everything, no matter
how much you may want things to remain the same, they won't. Time will march on, with or
without you. Why not let it, and see what sort of moments, good and bad, life has in store
in the new year? Mike
If you would like to share your creative work, poetry, story or artwork in our next newsletter, contact us. We are always looking for interesting articles, personal stories, creative expressions, or other input (including gifs of your work) which you feel would be of interest to survivors of abuse. A special thank you to those who submitted their work for this issue. Each author retains copyrights to their work, no reproduction without the authors consent.
UntitledBlue skies Fluffy clouds The sound of nature No where crowdsWalk quietly And you will see Nature all around Rest peacefullyListen to the silence Deep inside your mind Listen to the silence To yourself be kindFeel the freedom Of letting go Your heart and mind at peace Your smile you can showLetting go is hard This we all know The past is now gone Forward we goThe path is uncertain Travelling can be slow Life goes on We have much to showLook up and see Stars so bright So high up Delight in the sightMy heart is calm My soul soars free Peace of mind Freedom the key© Linda
Odds n Ends
 |
© 1997-2005 FreeToBe