Quotes and Stuff

Here are some quotes that I have found and like(in alphabetical order). Unknown means that I don't know who said it, if you know please email me.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another that states this has already happened.
~Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
~Douglas Adam

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always as they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much -- the wheel, New York, wars and so on -- while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man -- for precisely the same reasons.
~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
~Herm Allbright

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
~Fred Allen

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...Procrastinating and rationalizing.
~Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)"

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
~Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)

Why do people believe that aliens, with the technology to cross the fathomless tracts of infinite space, would finally reach earth, and crash? And die. Like they can invent an interstellar drive, but they can't come up with seat-belts.
~Craig Charles

When the first living thing existed, I was there, waiting. When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I'll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights and lock the universe behind me when I leave.
~Death

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives
~Abba Eban

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
~Albert Einstein

Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
~Elbert Hubbard

See, friends are the key to life, they bring life to oneself.
The keys that turn the lock
turn the soul
turn the heart
and churn the stomach!!!
~Jacqui(a friend)

In every group there's the smart one, the sweet one and the...um...least prude one
~Jessica(another friend)

If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn.
~Andrew Mason

God gives us our relatives-thank God we can choose our friends!
~Ehtel Mumford

Life is like sticking your face in a blender . . . it hurts. But through plastic surgery and a good psychiatrist, things can work out all right in the end.
~Josh Newell

In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came fore the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.
~Martin Niemueller

You have a choice. It may not be a choice you like, but it is still a choice.
~Michelle Pfeiffer as LouAnne Johnson in Dangerous Minds

Lord, what fools these mortals be.
~Puck in A Midsummer's Night Dream by Shakespeare

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
~Bertrand Russell

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
~Jerry Seinfeld

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
~Mark Twain

Do not walk in front of me, I may not follow
Do not walk behind me, I may not lead
Just walk beside me and be my friend
~unknown

When they took the fourth amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the sixth amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent.
When they took the second amendment, I was quiet because I didn't own a gun.
Now they've taken the first amendment, and I can say nothing about it.
~unknown

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.
~unknown

If you don't die from it -- it is healthy.
~unknow

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs
~unknown

People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but they will usually just pick themselves up and carry on.
~unknown

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
~unknown

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
~unknown

This life is a test. It is only a test. If it had been an actual life, you would have received further instructions
~unknown

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
~unknown

"Don't take life so seriously... it's not permanent."
~unknown

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
~unknown

Life is a near death experience.
~unknown

Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep til noon!
~unknown

I think, therefore we have nothing in common.
~unknown

Lies are hard to keep straight . . . That's why I have an organizer.
~unknown

I'll call myself a procrastinator later
~unknown

I am eternal except in cases of Extreme Violence.
~unknown

Stupidity is NOT a handicap! PARK ELSEWHERE.
~unknown

Did you know that birthdays are good for you? Studies show, the more you have, the longer you live.
~unknown

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
~unknown

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
~unknown

Reality's the only obstacle to happiness
~unknown

Craziness is the only thing that keeps you sane in this world.
~unknown

I've gotta be me--everyone else was already taken
~unknown

Cherish your yesterdays, live your todays, but dream your tomorrows.
~unknown

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
~unknown

Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.
~Jane Wagner

If you want to see more quotes, go to the Wizard of Oz quotes page