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| ۞ | Poems and Prayers, Wishes and Musings | ۞ |
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From a Grieving Mother to the Sea As a child, I scribbled on the sand that you are a liar, Is this your revenge, kadalamma? *1 You robbed me of my child and made my whole life a lie, liar that you are. What do you know of love? Was I wrong in calling you kalli? *2 How can you know what I felt as I cuddled my new-born in my arms? My heart leapt with every unsure step of his, Each time he fell, I screamed inside, silently. The day he came back from school with a nasty bruise, I shed a tear when he was not looking. His pain was mine, my heart beat to the rhythm in his little chest. My child, my baby. What do you know of love, kadalamma? Was I wrong in calling you kalli? I combed his hair, tucked him in bed, Read him his favourite story a thousand times Until his eyes slowly closed, taking him into his little dream world. 'Amma is not hungry', I used to say, As I handed him my chocolate after he had eaten his. My greedy boy, my little boy, he would yet feed me the last little piece. He used to run from the school bus straight into my arms, And I, in utter joy, smothered his face with kisses. By why do I tell you this, what do you know of love? Was I wrong in calling you kalli? You wiped my words off the sand, And now you've taken him too. Sucked him in and threw him out. Lifeless. Is this your revenge for my childhood play? Now I am broken and battered, no more tears in my eyes. I look around for strength and hear nothing but wails. Can't they be strong just this once, So I can cry, cry and cry. What do you know of love, kadalamma? Was I wrong in calling you kalli?
*1 "Kadalamma" in the Malayalam language may be
literally translated as "Mother Sea."
*2 "Kalli", also a Malayalam word, means "liar", "cheat" or "thief." |
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For Jishnu's Family and Friends Sometimes I watch them cry and wonder why, Do they cry for my body or my soul? If only they knew this line is merely the beginning, This entire world of laughter and tears are but baby steps, Into that which lies beyond. Sometimes I wish I could have one more day, Not for me, but for them. Just to hold their hands and tell them goodbye, That all is mirth and joy here, why do they cry? They think I am gone, But am I mere flesh and bones to disappear like that? I won't lie, there was fear, there was panic, I won't lie, there was desperation not to leave them like that. But just for a minute and then I felt His loving hands. He clutched me to His bosom and I felt more loved than ever before. What words, what words shall I use to describe the joy that filled me then? None, I realised and shed a tear. Not for me, but for them. No words to tell them that I am blessed. No words to tell them that I am beyond all fear. What do you know of life when you haven't seen beyond? There is only one Truth where you live, The bits of love - a parent's kisses, a beggar's blessings. Here, there is but Love and nothing else. Love that makes your mind reel, ah such joy! Who comes here and chooses to leave? Yet I feel pangs of pain, When I look down and see those endless tears. If only I could tell them, here bliss abounds, And wipe away their silly fears, Then in the midst of this wholeness, I can be whole again.
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No Goodbye Mon, Ever
We said no goodbyes, Mon
*3
We cannot.
Not one of us would have let you go
If we had known
It was into that far beyond.
We have not had our fill of you, Mon!
You, who filled our own worlds with so much joy;
You, whom we loved more than our own lives.
You were the best, Mon
You were too good
For this crazy and confused world
Where we who remain
Are condemned
To live out our remaining days.
Numb with shock and grief
We weep our oceans of tears
Nor for you, Mon
But for us
That we must go on
In a world without you.
*3 "Mon" is a term of endearment in Malayalam
meaning "son."
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The Living Dead
Eyes open and lungs sucking air,
hunger pangs and speech.
But for some,
amidst the moments of laughter,
heavy is the heart,
haunted are the dreams,
tormented the days.
Strange is the life of the living dead.
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Gokarna I have a pilgrimage to make To Gokarna, to Kudle beach. In the shifting wet sands I will search for my son's final footprints As he walked that fatal morning. Amidst the thunderous pounding waves I will hear his joyful shouts As he last played with his friends. Let me stand and be bathed in the salty sea spray Let me feel the moist wind that caressed his dark locks Let the crying gulls tell their tale of woe. There, let me rant and rave and scream till I can breathe again. Let my salt tears mingle with that Arabian sea That was his last cradle. There let me wash my pain My grief, my deepest anguish So I can stumble back to dreary life once again.
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Just Once More You sit by our side at dusk to share our pain to hold our hands. Of him we speak time and again. Disbelief, sorrow, even tears you shed. But how brief it seems to me How brief before you speak of something else. Do forgive my wandering thoughts. Neither fame nor wealth nor job nor travel holds me now. But if you would only speak of him again. Just once more.
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One Last Time If I could see you one last time, what would I say? How will I find the words to tell you I love you? Will I carefully pick only the best, or will the words come out in a panicked torrent, terrified you'll leave before I've finished? Will I stay silent and merely hug you tight, tears streaming down my face, or will I cling to you and wail never to let you go? What will you say to me? Will you tell me what it's like where you are, Will you say you want to stay? Or will we say nothing at all as I hurriedly feed you cake and kiss you goodbye? Oh to see you one last time, Just one, last, last time...
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[ Untitled ]
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep I am a thousand winds that blow I am the diamond that glints on snow I am the sunlight on ripened grain I am the gentle Autumn rain When you awaken in the morning hush I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the stars that shine at night Do not stand at my grave and cry I am not there, I did not die...
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| Table of Contents | |
| About His Life -- Milestones in Jishnu's Life | About His Passing -- How We Lost Jishnu |
| Poems and Prayers, Wishes and Musings | Press, Website and Blog Reports |
| Photo Gallery -- Pics of Jishnu et al | Memories / Stories about Jishnu |
| Video Clips of Jishnu et al | Tributes and Condolences |
| Jishnu's Favourite Things | Appreciation and Gratitude |
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Thank you for your kind visit to this Website and
for your thoughts and prayers for the peace of Jishnu's soul. |
| This Website was
established on 22nd November 2007, three weeks after our tragic loss. Please feel free to share with us any resources you have about Jishnu, such as photos and stories, etc. If you have any questions, suggestions or comments regarding this Website, kindly email the Webmaster. |
| Peace | ۞ | Bliss | ۞ | Love |
