Theare are lots more out there- if you know of any prime candidates to be named and shamed, then please e.mail me and we will name the guilty parties.

PART 2: IN MY OPINION............the reviews you don't see at CD Services

FOREIGN SPACES: Phaeton CD
Hey - have you heard the latest - instead of the electric chair, the American authorities are subjecting prisoners on death row to listening to this album in its entirety for a whole day. Reports are coming in that the prisoners are actually pleading to be let back into the electric chair. Further updates as the band keeps releasing albums.
But honestly, I mean to say, if you are going to do the sequencer-melody - let's be TD/Schulze/Ash Ra thing, then at least invest in a set of electronic drums that doesn't sound like it was bought second hand for the price of a postage stamp, and get someone in the band to realise that you can't produce this sort of commercial bland faceless tripe and get away with it. Jeez, and I thought I'd heard it all - I almost take back what I say about the Keller album further on - in fact, chaps, I do take it back - compared to this the Keller/Schonwalder album below is a work of genius.. However, as always, initial impressions count, so.........

KELLER/SCHONWALDER: The Reason Why...Part Two CD
Predictable......next!!
Oh alright, I'll elaborate, but I mean, really, you look at the album, you see three long tracks, you see they're live and you just know what's coming. Still, if it's done well enough than that should not be a factor to inhibit your enjoyment of the music, so if you want to hear the sort of thing Klaus Schulze, these artists and a shedload of our Euro-mainland synth fraternity have trotted out for the last six years, then this is for you. If, on the other hand, you are sick to death of slow-build-ups, rising sequencers, twittering synths, lightweight electronic percussive rhythms, or are string-synth-ed to death and never want to hear another one of those flutey melody lines and lilting piano tunes, then getting out of here may seem to be the best idea. It's albums like this that make you thank the lord for Led Zeppelin.

PAUL GILBERT: Acoustic Samurai CD
An acoustic CD recorded live in an intimate venue in front of an enthusiastic Japanese audience, an audience so enthusiastic, they tend to be louder than the artist playing the songs, so much so that, on the first tracks alone, the clapping and singing from the crowd is actually more striking than the bloody song - jeezus, this is not a good start. Then it's into track 2, more upfront handclapping and you think they're going to ruin the song - but when he launches into a rendition of Abba's 'Dancing Queen', you wish that the crowd would now actually completely drown out what is absolutely the most hideous cover version in the history of cover versions, and you wish someone had blasted the guitar with a twelve-bore and put us all out of our misery.
Then, on the third track, with a rhythm that sounds like someone thudding the floorboards, he announces proudly that "he likes rock" - WELL, WHY THE BLOODY HELL DON'T YOU GIVE US SOME THEN!!!! This is shocking stuff, although the audience are still at it, clapping away merrily - maybe they hated it too and were trying their best to drown it out. The next track is another bluesy slice of sprightly acoustic song-writing, thoroughly ruined by the enthusiastic hand-clapping throughout - don't this lot ever stop!! And so it goes, dross after dross, audience versus artist, and by the time you get to track 12, 'The Second Loudest Guitar In The World', you not only realise that this is far from the case, but have pretty well given up hope of hearing anything in your sleep that night other than this incessant audience clapping away - honest, you'll have nightmares - trust me!!!! Possibly the worst live album in the world - ever……………..

........and thank you to Steve Youles for reminding me about and providing his valuable insight as guest reviewer here, into this little gem..............
BRING ME THE HEAD OF YURI GAGARIN: Hawkwind CD£??.??
This is an album that should never have been released - it's a bootleg, the sound quality stinks and Hawkwind get no money from the sales of it. And the listener gets nothing from it either, except earache maybe. A live recording from 1973, the band were playing at the Empire Pool, and the bootlegger was waiting for a tube at Wembley Park station. However, the track listing (Gaga, In the Egg, Orgone Accumulator, Wage War, Urban Guerilla, Master of the Universe, Welcome to the Future, Sonic Attack, Silver Machine ) reveals why this album still gets re-released: In The Egg and Wage War are Bob Calvert poetry pieces that aren't available on any other recording. (Gaga is just that, as far as I can recall.) It's a good enough performance by the band, but you just can't hear anything except a muffled roaring and thudding. As well as being released under it's own name, this album also appears as part of a 4CD series called Welcome To The Future, and as a CD called Hawkwind Live, which has a very fetching photo of Stacia (clothed) on the cover. A further release of it under the name of "Year 2000:Codename Hawkwind, volume Two - Alive from the Darkside" is also in existence. Any album that has the tracks Gaga, In The Egg and Wage War is this accursed album and should not be purchased!!!!!

More to follow............

Send me an e.mail
CD Reviews List
Home Page