He didn't exactly know how he felt. He couldn't very well be angry at Chloe for giving into her feelings for Ned. In the past few days he'd wanted nothing more than to give into his feelings for Alexis, yet he was almost sure he wouldn't have, at least until he'd gotten things straightened out with Chloe.
He knew for damn sure that he wouldn't have had the audacity to tell Chloe about his feelings for Alexis in a letter. He was angry at Ned, for doing something that would hurt Alexis so much. He couldn't get how someone who had Alexis' heart could just throw it away, even if it was for the woman he had been interested in himself just a few weeks ago.
He didn't know what to do. Should I tell her? She doesn't need to deal with this right now. She's not up to this yet. 'I wonder if Ashton, put her up to writing this. What an absolute jerk!' He was boiling, knowing that no matter what he did, somehow, Alexis' heart would get broken.
He personally didn't want to be the one who broke it, but he couldn't bare her finding out any other way. If it came out that he'd known and not said anything, she'd be very upset and have no one to turn to. If he had any hope that anything at all would come of their relationship, he had to be honest about what was going on.
He looked up and saw her engrossed in the stack of mail, 'God, I can't do this to her.' But even as the thought was crossing his mind he stood up, sat on the coffee table and removed the stack of mail from her lap. He took both her hands in his and tried to compose himself. "Alexis..."
"I know what you are going to say. Maybe we do need to wait another day before we go check out the leads we got from those files. I can handle that. I'm pretty tired myself and it would be good to get one more good nights sleep, anyway we still have to make reservations and ....." She looked at him and saw what appeared to be anguish on his face. "Jax, what's wrong?"
"I don't know how to do this. I shouldn't be the one to do it, but I have to. I have no other choice."
Alexis started to realize this had something to do with Chloe's letter. "So that letter must have been a good one," she laughed unconvincingly, "I mean if its sending you into one of your divorce talks again."
"No, no that's not it." He said thinking, 'God this is worse than I thought, she thinks I want to get rid of her and I have to tell her Ned's the one who's moved on.' He made himself say more. "Alexis, this isn't about us getting a divorce. I know I bring that up a lot and I'm sorry. I want you to know that you are one of the best things that's ever happened to me."
"I doubt that, Jax. You were perfectly fine before I came along and you'll be just fine when I'm gone." The thought of her being gone almost brought tears to her eyes. She'd never been so comfortable with anyone in her life.
"You underestimate yourself Alexis. You don't know how much you've affected my life. It's like I've had my own live-in angel. You make it okay for me to be me, happy, sad, angry, I can always be myself and I know you aren't going to judge me."
She flashed back to what he'd said in the hospital room, where he'd all but declared his love for her. She'd decided to write that off as a natural reaction to a totally stress filled situation. Was he about to make another admission of love? What triggered this? She then remembered the letter? "Where is this coming from Jax?"
"Alexis, I," he didn't know what to say, he'd put it off long enough. "I have to tell you something." He paused trying to figure out the best way to say this. "I don't really know how else to say this then to say it straight out." She squeezed his hand to encourage him to go on, but all it did was make it harder for him to break her heart. "In the letter from Chloe ... she said something I think you should know. She wrote it, for I don't know what reason, maybe because she couldn't tell me in person, or because she felt guilty. I'm not sure." He stopped, not knowing exactly how to say the words that would break her heart without breaking his own.
"Oh Jax, what did she do? Did she break up with you in a letter?" He saw the look of sheer protectiveness of him that crossed her face and almost said 'yes. That's all, that's all it is.' He looked away. She placed her finger on his chin and turned his face to hers. "There's more, isn't there." She was starting to get a really bad feeling. "Guilty, you said she'd feel guilty, Why? What aren't you telling me?
He had been holding both her hands in his but at that moment he moved his hands to enfold just her right one. He looked down and a tear splashed on their hands. 'He's crying.' She wanted to make him stop. She wiped a tear from his face with her free hand wondering what Chloe had done to hurt him so badly. He looked at her then, deep into her eyes and wordlessly communicated what he was trying so hard not to say. And in that second she knew. He saw the moment it registered and he thought his heart would break for her. "Say it Jax. I have to hear the words."
"She wrote ... She wrote the letter ... She wrote the letter to say ..."
"Say it!" she said sounding angry.
"She's sleeping with Ned."
The hand that was being held by his went to her heart and his hands followed. He moved onto the couch until he was sitting right next to her and with one hand still on her heart he took her into his embrace placing her head on his shoulder. She started to cry. Not exactly knowing why. She'd already pretty much decided that when Ned got home she was going to ask him for time to sort out her feelings for Jax, but it was still felt like a big part of her had been taken away.
He'd expected a reaction, but nothing like this. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to comfort her. He knew what he'd do if Ned were here. He'd kill him, 'and not for stealing my girl, which was a good enough reason in itself, but for breaking the heart of my lady.'
She pulled herself together realizing he must be hurt as well. She'd seen his face. She'd seen his tears. She didn't realize his tears had been for her. "Jax, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be leaning on you like this."
"Are you kidding? I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Tell me something, Jax and promise me you'll be honest."
"Of course, Alexis." He said wondering what was coming.
"All the things you said before, about how I'd made you better and changed your life. Were you just saying those things to make things easier on me or did you really mean them?"
"Alexis, I can honestly say, that I meant all the things I said. I meant them more than you can possibly ever know." He looked down at her tear streaked face and said, "I wish I knew what to do to make you feel better."
"I think I do know what would make me feel better." He gave her a skeptical look. "Don't look at me like that." He looked away and smiled. "I think the only way to make me feel better is to heal someone else's broken heart."
He thought for a moment she was talking about him and was about to say his heart wasn't broken, when he realized what she meant.
"Are you sure you're up to it?"
"I have to do this Jax. We have to go. We need to check this out. Make sure it's not a fluke. Make sure it's true. Do this with me Jax. Do this for me."
"You promise to take it easy?"
"I promise Jax."
"Okay one, hopefully successful adventure, coming up." Jax said as he crossed to the phone to submit there phony flight plan.