My thoughts
These are the thoughts that run threw my head. I may write them to open up to you all or just to clear space, these will be used to express my self in moments of joy and happiness also times where my heart has bin thrown to the ground in a heap of grew for all to see.
Is there ever anything someone can do when your heart is on the ground and open for all to see and touch and feel yet no one helps you no one feels it or hears it beating it is just there then you think someone will help you but steps on it and crushes it why do you let out your heart for when you know it will be crushed because you want someone to take care of it and hold it in there hand and care for it like you would but until that happens you are willing for it to be stepped on and be crushed.
I think that is what relationships are about.
That is pretty much what happened to me in the last little while. I opened up my heart and someone crushed it once again. The great thing is even in these times of depression there is always someone there for me to bring me out. They make me smile and show me that the sun will shine ever day I am alive even though it may be cloudy out. For that I am the luckiest person alive. For having my heart stepped on time and time again, it means I am learning to live with pain torture and despair even when the sun is shinning behind clouds.
This last weekend I met someone whom I had a crust on. We became close and now I receive no messages or calls when I call this person. For that is the reason my heart is crushed. I know it will recover but where and when will it is the hardest thing to find out.
Mark Greaves
9/28/99 12:48 AM
Why I am not a morning person.
Yesterday we had someone over to fix our stove. I was asleep and heard the doorbell ring a couple of times. I quickly jump out of bed and throw on a pair of pants. As I walk down the hall I quickly throw on a shirt too. I go to the door unlock it and open the door. As I open the door I fell really uncomfortable below the waste. I quickly look down and see that my penis is hanging out of my pants. I quickly turn away from the guy who is entering my house and tuck Mr. Willie back into my pants. I have no idea if he noticed but I showed him to the stove and quickly ran to watch some TV in the other room.
October 13, 1999
