Contents

1. Introduction

• Do whatever is needed, if your survival is threatened; eg. David eating sacred bread, whilst fleeing from Saul.
• Love and seek goodness (God); a focus of Jesus' sermons.
• Love one another.
• Seek wisdom; eg the book of Proverbs and Ecclesiates.

In the Old Testament;

• Racism; the descendants of Jacob (Israel) were God's chosen people.
• Superstition; God manages his chosen people;
  • If they angered God, he would inspire foreigners to oppress them and take their territory.
  • If they were good, God would back them in defeating foreigners and give them new territory.
  • Diseases were sent by God's Angels if they aided the Israelites godliness/good fortune (e.g. killing non-Jews).
  • Diseases were sent by Satan if they unjustly affected the Israelites, whilst they were obeying God.
  • Racial cleansing was a high priority to ensure foreign idols weren't worshipped and that all Isrealites were of the 'Godly bloodline'.

2. Dates of Biblical Events

• ? Adam & Eve
• 2458BC Noah's flood.
• 2166BC Abraham (Abram) born
  • Abraham and his father's clan move out from near the Persian Gulf.
  • Abraham settles in Haran.
• 2091BC Abraham leaves Haran, passing the Dead Sea, visiting Egypt during a drought.
  • Abraham returns to and settles in Canaan near the Dead Sea.
  • Abraham starts the circumcision tradition.
  • Sodom and Gomorah is destroyed.
• 2066BC Abraham names his second son Isaac
• 1929BC Isaac's son Jacob, born (later renamed Israel).
• 1876BC Israel brings his clan of 66 people to Egypt, staying 430 years.
• 1446BC Moses takes the clan out of Egypt totaling approx. 2 million people (in 12 tribes).
  • Moses receives the 10 commandments.
  • Moses builds the Ark of the Covenant.
• 1406BC The Israelites reach the promised land (Canaan).
  • the Israelites conquer Jericho, Ai, Jerusalem, etc.
  • Samson fights the Philistines.
• 1050BC Saul becomes the first king of the Israel.
  • David and Goliath.
  • Saul tries to kill David who was anointed by the prophet Samuel as his successor.
• 1010BC David becomes King. 7 years later dominates all of Israel and Jerusalem.
• 970BC Solomon becomes King and builds the Ark of the covenant.
• 930BC After Solomon's death his kingdom splits (Israel; the Northern Kingdom, Judah; the Southern Kingdom). The border of the two kingdoms stretched between the Northern tip of the Dead Sea and Joppa on the coast-line.
• 875-853BC Elijah then Elisha prophesied.
• 740BC Isaiah's prophetic works commenced.
• 732BC The Northern kingdom, lost to the Assyrians.
• 722/721BC Samaria (a city of the Northern Kingdom) was recaptured and destroyed, the Israelites exiled to remote places in the Assyrian empire.
• 701BC Judah region captured by the Assyrians, except for Jerusalem. The book of Isaiah completed.
• 605BC 1st stage in the exile of Jews (including Daniel) from Judah to Babylon (near the Persian Gulf).
• 597BC 2nd stage in the exile of Jews to Babylon (including Ezekial and 10,000 Jerusalem Jews).
• 586BC 3rd stage in the exile of Jews people to Babylon (including the destruction of Jerusalem).
• 537BC 1st stage in the repatriation of Jews to Jerusalem (lead by Zerubbabel).
• 448BC 2nd stage in the repatriation of Jews to Jerusalem (lead by Ezra).
• 432BC 3rd stage in the repatriation of Jews to Jerusalem (lead by Nehemia).

• 5/6BC Jesus born.
• 26AD John the Baptist begins ministry.
• 26AD Jesus begins ministry.
• 30AD Jesus crucified.
• 35AD Paul converted to Christianity.
• 50AD approx. James written (by James Jesus' brother)
• 50AD approx. Gospel of Mark written (by John Mark from the teachings of Peter).
• 51AD 1 and 2 Thessalonians written (by Paul).
• 55AD approx. Gospel of Matthew written.
• 55AD 1 and 2 Corinthians written (by Paul).
• 55AD approx. Galatians written (by Paul).
• 57AD Romans written (by Paul).
• 60AD Ephesians, Colossians and Philemon written (by Paul).
• 61AD Philippians written (by Paul).
• 60AD approx Gospel of Luke written.
• 64AD approx 1 Peter written (by Peter).
• 65AD approx 1 Timothy and Titus written (by Paul).
• 65AD approx. Jude written (by Jude)
• 67AD approx. 2 Peter written (by Peter).
• 66/67AD 2 Timothy written (by Paul).
• 69AD approx. Hebrews written (unknown author).
• 70AD approx. Gospel of John written.
• 70AD approx. Acts written.
• 90AD approx. 1 and 2 John written (by John).
• 95AD approx. Revelations written.

3. Absurd Stories Written as Fact

• After the Noah's flood, God said "I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth (that he won't send another flood)" (Gen 9:13 NIV)
  So before the floods there were no rainbows.

• Whilst Sodom & Gomorrah were being destroyed, Lot's wife (who was running away with the rest of the clan) looked back and became a pillar of salt. (Gen 19:26 NIV)

• Genetic engineering, Philistine style;
  ".. there was a huge man with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot.." (1 Chronicles 20:6 NIV)
  Did he also have 3 testicles?

• Elisha didn't like being called baldy!
  A bunch of youths called out to him "baldy head, baldy head" so he cursed them, then 2 bears came out of the woods, and they mauled 42 of them (2 Kings 2:23 NIV).
  Elisha was a real godly prophet wasn't he, all that love...makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
  Just think how much better off those youths would of been if toupees had been invented back then.

• "....Shamgar son of Anathan, who struck down 600 Philistines with an oxgoad (a stick used to get draft animal moving)" (Judges 3:31 NIV)

• God reverses the rotation of the planet Earth
  "..so the sunlight went back the 10 steps it had gone down." (Isaiah 38:8 NIV)
  Wow, gives a whole new meaning to daylight savings!
  Funny, there is no mention of the tidal waves that would of suddenly appeared through the momentum of the sea moving in the opposite direction to the planet.

• The Vegetarian Werewolf of Babylon
  "He (King Nebuchadnezzar) was driven away from the people and ate grass like cattle. His body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird."(Daniel 3:33 NIV)

• Adam & Eve and the talking animals of Eden
  "Now the serpent was more crafty than the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman 'Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'....'" (Gen 3:1 NIV)
  Maybe Adam and Eve were the original Mr and Mrs Doolittle, able to talk with all the animals.

• Job;
  • Satan tempted God to let him hurt Job, to test his faith;
  • The Sabeans stole their oxen and donkeys and killed his servants.
  • The fire of God fell from the sky and burned up his sheep and his servants.
  • Chaldeans stole his camels and also killed his servants.
  • His children were killed by a collapsing tent.
  • Satan gave him leprosy.
  • After some discussions with God and his friends at the city dump (where he now lived), God made him more prosperous than before, living to the ripe old age of 140.

• Jonah & the whale:
  
  • He needed to be tossed out of a boat to calm the sea.
    
  • Was swallowed by a large fish and stayed there 3 days & nights.
    
  • Afterwards God made a vine grow overnight to shade Jonah's head.
    
  • The next day God sent a worm to eat it up!
    
    

• Supposedly Jesus speaking about the proof of a believer; "when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all" (Mark 16:18 NIV)

4. Immoral Events Glorified

• Slavery and Racism
  • "Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clan born in your country, and they will become your property. You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthessly." (Lev 25:44-46 NIV).

• The fall of Jericho (Jos 5:13-6:27);
  
  • God told Joshua what to do;
  • For six days they paraded the Ark around Jericho which was heavily fortified, playing trumpets as they went.
  • On the seventh day, they did the same and shouted, and the walls collapsed.
  • They invaded killing every living thing in it; men, woman, children, cattle, sheep and donkeys.
  • But spared their prostitute spy.
  Wow, not a nice bunch of people.. and the Israelite army worked on the Sabbath which deserves death by stoning! (Num 15:32 NIV)

• Samson, the world's first hippie (Judges 13-16);
  • His mother was sterile, yet an angel told she will conceive a son who's hair must not be cut. They named him Samson.
  • He fancied a non-Jewish woman ( a Philistine), which was normally wrong, but OK because this would later give him reason to kill some of them.
  • He came across a roaring lion and tore it apart with his bare hands. Later returning to eat some honey from the bees nest which had formed in the lion's carcass.
  • He told a riddle, promising prizes for any who could decode it.
  • They decoded it, so he belted up 30 foreigners and gave the winners their clothes as the promised prizes.
  • His sweetheart was married to his friend behind his back, so he caught 300 foxes tied every two together by their tails each with a lit torch, and they ran off burning all the Philistine's grain, vineyards and olive groves.
  • He grabbed a donkey's jawbone and killed 1,000 Philistines.
  • He finally pushed over the supports of a temple killing himself and approx. 3,000 Philistines.
  • His claim to fame was he killed more Philistines in his death than during his life.
  What an achievement!
  Now that's a real good children's story, Hitler might have used it as a bed time story for his kids (replace Jews with Arians and Philistines for Jews)!

• "Then the angel of the Lord went out and put to death 185,000 men in the Assyrian camp (this happened overnight)" (Isaiah 37:36 NIV)
  It's assumed that this was the bubonic plague. But wait a minute, Job got leprosy from Satan.
  
  ...mmm..I understand, if a disease hurts a non-Jew/ungodly Jew it's from an angel, and if it hurts a godly Jew it must have come from the Satan!
  
  

5. Going Overboard with Rules and Regulations

• Moses commands: "Make tassels on the four corners of the cloak you wear"
  (Deuteronomy 22:12 NIV)

• "Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material" (Lev 19:19 NIV).
  (note a previous command also prohibits homosexuality Lev 18:22)
  
  
• Girls stop wearing jeans! Moses commands: "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man woman's clothing for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this." (Deuteronomy 22:5 NIV)
  Buckingham Palace are you reading this? Tell Prince Andrew to stop wearing kilts!

• Sexual straight-jackets (Deuteronomy 22:21 NIV)
  If a man complains that his wife is not a virgin, and it is true ... "she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death".

• Man stoned to death for collecting wood
  "While the Isrealites were in the desert, a man was found gathering wood on the Sabbath da....So the assembly took him outside the camp and stoned him to death, as the Lord commanded Moses." (Num 15:32-36 NIV)

• Having Low-Self Esteem is Good?
  "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.....Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth." (Matthew 5:3-5 NIV)
  "Blessed are those that are persecuted...." (Matthew 5:10 NIV)
  "Love your enemy ....if someone strikes you on one cheek turn the other" (Matthew 6:27-29 NIV)
  "But love your enemies....and lend to them without expecting to get back anything" (Matthew 6:35 NIV)
  There is a theme in Christianity that if you suffer whilst loving , you are more like Christ, therefore more godly.
  However, Jesus was neither poor in spirit, nor meek.
  This is a handy verse to keep people submissive, no doubt a real bonus for slave traders. They must have loved the early American Negro slaves becoming Christians!
  The love-peace approach that Christianity idolizes, were suffering is good, isn't in our best interests, therefore isn't good or godly.

• Age automatically brings wisdom ?
  "Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older." (1 Peter 5:5 NIV)
  This passage may have started all the pedeaphilia in the Christian Churches, which has only recently been exposed!

6. Most Relevant verses

• Jesus wanting to heal a man's hand on the Sabbath, but the religious leaders said it was breaking the law (Mark 2:23-3:6);
  
  "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?"(Mark 3:4 NIV)br> Jesus was trying to say that it is not the letter of the law that is important but the spirit of the law, ie do good.

• Jesus saying not all men are born heterosexual;
  "Not everyone can accept this word (that it is better not to marry), but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way..." (Matthew 19:11,12 NIV)
  Eunuchs: Now how many men are born without testicles?
  But how many are born homosexual, quite a few. He seems to be referring to them.

• It the way you think that's important;
  Jesus says, "What comes out of a man's heart is what makes him 'unclean'. For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly." (Mark7:20,21 NIV)
  Sexual immorality; I interpret as rape etc. because sex between consenting adults in itself, causes no harm and extends friendship, which is positive. Whether it's with someone of the opposite or the same sex.