Jennifer Smythe wanted her boyfriend                     Jennifer Smythe wanted her boyfriend
of three years, David Marsden, to                           of three years, David Marsden, to
propose to her. Then one day when                        propose to her. Then one day when
she  was out to lunch, David                                   she was out to lunch, David proposed!
proposed! She accepted, but then had                    She accepted, but then had to leave
to leave because she had a meeting                         because she was an obsessive workaholic and
in 20 min. When she got to her office,                     had a meeting. When she got to her office,
she noticed on her computer she                             she noticed on her computer she had email.
had e-mail. She checked it, the usual stuff                She checked it, the usual promotions for porn
from her friends, but then she saw one                     sites and 'miracle' software, but then she saw
that she had never gotten before. It was                   one that she had never gotten before. It was this
this letter. She simply deleted it without                    letter. She simply deleted it because she   reading all of it. BIG MISTAKE!                             thought it was a heap of shite. BIG MISTAKE!
Later that evening, she received a phone                   Later that evening, she received a phone
call from the police. It was about DAVID!                call from the police. It was about DAVID!
He had been in an accident with an 18                      He had been caught with another woman in an
wheeler. He didn't survive.                                        18 wheeler, wearing a duck suit.

CASE 2: Take Katie Robbenson. She                      CASE 2: Take Katie Robbenson. Then put
received this letter and being the believer                   her back again. She received this letter and
that she was, she sent it to a few of her                      being the believer that she was, she had
friends but didn't have enough e-mail                         already driven away most of her friends by
addresses to send out the full 10 that you                   sending stupid forwards to them and didn't
must. Three days later, Katie went to a                      have enough email addresses to send out the
masquerade ball. Later that night when                       full 10. Three days later, Katie went to a
she left to get to her car to go home, she                    masquerade ball dressed as a possum.
was killed on the spot by a hit-and-run                       hen she went to get her car to go home,
drunk driver.                                                             she was killed on the spot by a drunk driver
                                                                                with a grudge against native fauna.

CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this letter out            CASE 3: Dick (Head) S. Willis sent this
within 45 minutes of reading it. Not even 4                letter out within 45 second of reading it. Not
hours later walking along the street to his new           even 4 hours later walking along the street to
job interview with a really big company, when           his new job interview with a really idealized
he ran into Cynthia Bell, his secret love for                company, when he ran into Cynthia Bell, his
5 years. Cynthia came up to him and told him            secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to
of her passionate crush on him that she had had         him and told him how she'd been stalking him
on him for 2 years. Three days later, he proposed      for 2 years, and had installed a camera in
to her and they got married. Cynthia and Richard       his bathroom. Three days later, he took out
are still married with three children, happy as              a restraining order against her. Cynthia is still
ever!                                                                         stalking Dick, obsessive as ever!

This is the letter:                                                         This is the letter:

Around the corner I have a friend,                              Around the corner I have no friends,
In this great city that has no end,                                 In this cybernetwork that never ends.
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,                       I once had a few, but I sent forwards on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.                          And before I know it, they all have gone.
And I never see my old friends face,                           And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,                              Because I live in cyberspace.
He knows I like him just as well,                                 I very rarely leave my home
As in the days when I rang his bell.                             Cause it's the internet I roam.
And he rang mine if, we were younger then,                I once had a life, but I was younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.                               Now I'm one of the boring, lifeless men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,                                  Tired of waiting for things to load,
Tired of trying to make a name.                                  Tired of parents that nag and goad-
"Tomorrow" I say "I will call on Jim"                           "Tomorrow" they say "We will call on you"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."                        " Stop wasting your life, find something to do!"
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,                  But I sit hunched over at the computer screen,
And distance between us grows and grows.                Living my life through this machine.
Around the corner!- yet miles away,                           My life becomes more and more contrived.
"Here's a telegram sir" "Jim died today."                      "Here's your email sir! A forward's arrived!"
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.            I'll send it on quick, get 'compose' box ready-
Around the corner, a vanished friend.                          My life might end- if it hasn't already.

Remember to always say what you mean. If you         Remember to always say what you mean.
love someone, tell them.                                             Or at least keep track of the web of lies. If
Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and      you love someone, repress it. They'd reject
tell someone what they mean to you.                           you anyway. Don't be afraid to run from
Because when you decide that it is the right                emotionally confronting situations. Say
time, it might be too late.                                            everything you want to say through soppy
                                                                                 email forwards. That should stunt your
                                                                                 emotional growth nicely.

Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most              Seize the day. Shake it a few times. Make
importantly, stay close to your friends and                   it promise never to defecate on your floor
family, for they have helped make you the                   again. Never have regrets- they taste
person that you are today.                                          terrible. And stay close to your friends and
                                                                                  family, because one day you'll need to
                                                                                  borrow money from them.

You must send this on in 3 hours after                         You must send this on in 3 hours after
reading the letter to 10 different people.                      reading the letter to 10 different people.
If you do this, you will receive                                     If you do this, within 3 hours 10 people
unbelievably good luck in love.The                              will be pissed off with you. The person
person that you are most attracted to will                     that you are most attracted to will assume
soon return your feelings. If  you do not,                      you are a total loser. If you do not, you
bad luck will rear it's ugly head at  you.                        will die a horrific, painful death,  probably
THIS IS NOT A JOKE!                                             involving nasty pointy objects.
You have read the warnings, seen the                           THIS IS NOT A JOKE! REALLY!
cases, and the consequences. You                               WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
MUST send this on or face dreadfully                           OH FINE. IT'S ALL A HEAP OF
bad luck.                                                                     CRAP. BUT YOU CAN'T SAY I
                                                                                   DIDN'T TRY.
*NOTE* The more people that you                             *NOTE* The more people that you
send this to, the better luck you will                               send this to, the less friends you will
have.                                                                            have.

 Ye Saga Continuef!

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