 |
This page is best viewed with browser setting at 800x600 fully maximized & with 32-bit True color. |
 |
|
This page is best viewed with browser setting at 800x600 fully maximized & with 32-bit True color. |
|
Training
with Guest Speaker, Lady D of PEP Atlanta
March 15, 2000 - Lady D was gracious enough to do an interview this past week of pre-submitted questions. After that the floor will be opened to Q&A.
Dungeon Chat is held Wednesday Evenings 9-11 EST in the Dungeon @ Fantassia's Palace.
All are welcome with the understanding that we all have the right to disagree without being disagreeable.
(following text has been edited ~ foregoing greetings, etc.)
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Lady D is one of the Mistress's at PEP Atlanta ~ People Exchanging Power . . . she was trained in Classic European Style and has agreed to answer questions.
First though there were some pre-submitted questions that were asked in an earlier interview.
Wed Mar 15 7:11:39 2000
Lady D: In pre-adolescence. At the time, of course, I didn't recognize it by "BDSM" or say "Oh, I'm gonna be a Domme." In retrospect, however, it is very clear indeed. I do believe that it is "pre-wired" inside of us. What we do about it . . if we recognize it ~ That is a different story.
I can remember at 7 or 8 a recurring dream of being a witch with mystical powers. I would go off and locate a person to bring back to be my slave for the weekend. I would tell them I would release them unharmed IF they were good.
That is not the "usual" dreams for 7 year-olds.
As far as training? About ten years ago an Atlanta group, the APE (Atlanta Power Exchange), an educational group had seminars, and parties etc. That is where I met my Mistress and Mentor, the Dutchess.
*note from CC: (For the record here both Lady D and the Dutchess are known w/in the community and I have been advised it is permissable to use their "known names" here. IF you are ever in doubt about your friends, please, please use the utmost discretion. Our life style may be about acceptance but the "world" is not always as kind. There is the possibility of people losing jobs, families as well as other repercussions so PLEASE think twice before naming names and places).
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Yet another question(s) that was presubmitted was this:
I am curious as to not only what safeguards they offer their trainees in terms of resumés and references. To what extent do you check out trainees and what referrences and so forth are demanded?
I am also curious is there/are any efforts at liability protection or insurance? Despite the best of planning, accidents can happen.
Just wondering if they at least do the basic stuff - get trainees to sign waivers and so forth...(Do you have a sample form?)
Wed Mar 15 7:18:09 2000
Lady D: Time is the greatest way to discover another person's desires and real interest levels, getting to know people is the key.~ as a professional, there really are not any "references needed" from me. It comes with the capacity ~ relying on my very good intuitive side and well then there IS my slave. Very few people wish to mess with all 6 foot plus of him.
References . . . references ~ for those coming to me have been in contact with me for some time before I will take them on. If, for instance, they say they have been in the lifestyle for any length of time and seeking professional assistance they should be able to furnish names or contacts, past and present. If not, their credibility is suspect. It becomes very clear very quickly if what is said is what is real. I do not meet people in my home so that, as well, takes it out of a "personal" level into that of a professional setting. I, of course, give them what they need as far as information.
Professionally there is little that one can actually do with regard to limiting liability legally. A "waiver" or such would hold very little weight. Well, I do have insurance though I can hardly see where it is something that would ever be used for several reasons.
Remember that for many that are seeking a Mistress, she would be their deepest, darkest secret. Most are almost paranoid about discovery. While yes, accidents can and do happen, think about it . . . very few would wish to go public with their desires, needs, etc. and go to their families or the legal system and say, for instance, "oh, my Mistress broke my arm."
Personally, that is a different matter. When I decide on taking one on as a part-time or live-in slave as a "personal slave" then there are many things and issues that have gone a long way before that time. The very beginning is a growing period where many changes occur. Personal contracts are, generally, done for three months then renewed at six months, then at a year . . . then annually. Sometimes they need to change, for instance if you are adding a new person into the equation. That changes everything, emotionally, physically as well as spiritually. Contracts are a two-way street. What the slaves/submissives expect and what the Dom/me will do for them.
Communication is such a vital link keeping things working right takes effort. Each of my slaves is required to keep a journal ~ it is often a key as to what and why things are going on. We also have "family" meetings. A lot of effort goes into these very special relationships from both sides.
Wed Mar 15 7:22:32 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Lady D ~ still another question was:
What was your motivation in "training"? Safety? Skill enhancement? &/or Income?
Wed Mar 15 7:23:09 2000
Lady D: ~ Motivation? Very simple actually. I wanted to be the best that I could be. Seeking out someone to teach me was what I did. The very thought of something that was so deeply emotional for me as something one got paid for was the FARTHEST thing from my mind. The Dutchess was my trainer, mentor, Mistress, etc. It was/is a bond that is very special. In some situations I still call on her for advice and input.
Wed Mar 15
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
~ What made you choose this lifestyle over the "general" lifestyle?
Wed Mar 15 7:25:05 2000
Lady D: ~ I believe with the earlier question I did answer that ~ Perhaps it is not so much a choice but pre-disposed. It only remains to be discovered and nurtured. Many go through life denying their feelings. I thought I was "weird" and "real people" don't do "this."
Wed Mar 15 7:25:55 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
It seems many were interested in whether or not you apprentice or paid for the training ~ and where???
Wed Mar 15 7:26:08 2000
LES IS MORE(m): Please define the difference between European style versus any other style
Wed Mar 15 7:27:03 2000
Lady D: ~ There is pay and then there is "pay." For some, that may be money for the training one is getting or it may be in service in one way or another. To expect the time and energy it takes to do something properly without some sort of payment in kind is devaluing its worth. (Although I would say that what is worked out is on a very individual basis)
. . .and again as I mentioned earlier ... here in Atlanta
Wed Mar 15 7:28:40 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Lady D ~, You mentioned being European-style trained
~ what exactly is that and how many "styles" are there?
Wed Mar 15 7:29:32 2000
Lady D: Well, of course there is the "Old way" meaning the "classic European style" which is very formal, with sort of a ranking or caste system ~ with "Houses" known for their style and position w/in the realm of the lifestyle.
Everyone had a place ~ KNEW their place . . . how much time was allotted to them, etc. There is a #1 slave and in essence is the "head slave" taking care of the petty things. Only when he/she cannot manage the issue is the Mistress/Master ever bothered with it.
Wed Mar 15 7:29:36 2000
Harpoon: European BDSM tends to be more focused on corporal punishments... School rooms and Boarding schools, Canes and paddles and things...
And I think clothing fetishes, PVC and latex and such, are a lot more popular in Europe... Most of that's perception though and I'm not sure how much of it is based on statistical fact.
Hard to say there are more rubber fetishists in Europe than in the US and Canada. No one really keps such statistics.
Wed Mar 15 7:30:01 2000
Lady D: For instance, I trained "European Style". (Generalizing here) Training under a Grande Domme or Grand Master ~ and that means someone that has 25 years or more experience in the lifestyle. While similar in ways to Old Guard, there are distinctive differences.
When The Dutchess felt I had successfully learned what she had to teach me, I was given a certificate. And that is very special to me. (Not all training is done in the same manner or certificates given.) However, you soon come to know that "training" or learning is never ending. These people have spent near a lifetime learning . . . to be able to learn from their experience is an honor. It is then up to us to go out and share with others.
Wed Mar 15 7:31:23 2000
Harpoon: Oh yeah, there's the castes thing too, but I know next to nothing about that so I'll just shut up now.
Lady D: Even though I was a Domme, ~ I still trained, submissive to my trainer. I was totally in awe of her and respect her a great deal.
What seems SO missing these days is understanding the concept of "respect." One of the first things that happens is a submissive gets a "vanilla," every day, real world book on manners and etiquette, Emily Post or whatever. No matter where you are, good manners are NEVER out of style.
A Master or Mistress cherishes their slaves for we would be nothing w/o them.
(One can travel and explore themselves and not counting any "style" as "wrong.")
Then, of course, there is Old Guard. That came out of the WW and the gay military and very regimented. It was an outlet for expressing themselves w/ acceptance. It is only in the last few years that it has been open to female instruction. And that is not across the board.
And, then there is Gorean.
Wed Mar 15 7:34:41 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Gorean? I find that a bit hard to fit into the creed we so regularly espouse i.e.: Safe, Sane and Consensual.
Wed Mar 15 7:35:08 2000
Lady D: ~ Well, there certainly are Gorean Masters ~ of course that being newer on the scene and the "consentual" is given in the beginning from the slave. Of course, there is only so far one can go in the following of Gor but the basic premise.
Wed Mar 15 7:35:44 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Now Lady D, a multi-part question.
Did you train as a submissive first or simply train as a Domme? If you did train as a submissive first, do you think it enhanced or detracted from your experience and in what way(s)?
Wed Mar 15 7:35:48 2000
LES IS MORE(m): C C, those I respect have a tendency to spit when they have to use John Norman's name
Wed Mar 15 7:36:20 2000
~*bambi*~: ~nods agreement~
Wed Mar 15 7:37:05 2000
MARQUIS DE SADE: Gor is science fiction not BDSM...
Wed Mar 15 7:38:03 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *nods to Les Is More* It is not what I
prefer . . but then there are things I do not "like" knowing they are not for me. Each has their own way.
Wed Mar 15 7:38:09 2000
TheHenchman's falon: nodding in agreement with
MARQUIS DE SADE
Wed Mar 15 7:38:33 2000
Lady D: ~ Yes my training was "from the "bottom" up" . . . but I would say that I never was a "submissive." I went to enhance my training as a Domme. It was always to be "better" and understand more. I did my training knowing I had to "give" to "get." I do believe it made me more appreciative toward slaves.
When I see see one degrade their submissives or slaves as worthless, it is an indication that they have never "been there."
As far as whether or not it enhanced or detracted??? Well, knowledge is power. . . the more I learn the better. I feel that having sub experience cannot be a detriment. It can only enhance who you are and what you already have.
Wed Mar 15 7:39:26 2000
~*bambi*~: why should gor be dismissed so out of hand?
Wed Mar 15 7:40:14 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: saying right here that this is not a
discussion on whether or not Gor is a valid form of BDSM ~ this is discussion is primarily on training . . .
Wed Mar 15 7:40:23 2000
LES IS MORE(m): C C true
Lady D, do you find that the over-abundance of male subs to females subs can be explained by the June Cleaver style of submission satisfying most females rt in their marriage
In other words, they submit to their husbands like good little wives as society requires.
Wed Mar 15 7:40:32 2000
!HARLEY!: thinking marine corps boot camp took me from the bottom
Wed Mar 15 7:41:01 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Moving over Gor at this time . . . perhaps in another discussion that can be debated.
Lady D, are You more into the D/s aspect of the lifestyle or the S&M part of it?
Wed Mar 15 7:41:41 2000
~ecstasy~{H}: may i ask why Gor is science fiction?? and why is it being put aside??
In my opinion when One refers to "slaves" they are referring to the Gorean beliefs..
Wed Mar 15 7:42:31 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: (note . . . the pre-submitted q&a/interview is almost finished and the floor will be opened to questions at that time)
Wed Mar 15 7:42:41 2000
interesting one's ~*bambi*~: well, i for one, look forward to debating the validity of Gor.
Thank you very much.
Wed Mar 15 7:43:14 2000
Lady D: (She really DID laugh here) Oh, I DO SO LOVE a mind fuck . . . D/s is most definitely me. I really never much got into S/M part. However, with some of mine . . . they are most definitely masochists. Because I care about their needs, I am learning various aspects of that as well.
Wed Mar 15 7:44:41 2000
Harpoon: ecstasy, Librarians and bookstores had to classify it somehow and there are sci-fi elements to the series, mainly the counter-earth thing....**shrugs**
Wed Mar 15 7:44:54 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: ecstasy ~ only "aside" for the duration of this discussion this evening . . . I will be more than happy to arrange a discussion on Gorean Masters, etc. in a future discussion.
Wed Mar 15 7:45:05 2000
~ecstasy~{H}: ok then i will ask a different question..in BDSM, i was taught that O/one is always learning..as stated, You recieved a certificate for Your training...this confuses me a little..
Wed Mar 15 7:45:40 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
What aspects did the training include . . . just physical aspects, scening, discipline or does it also touch on the psychological aspects that go along with having a submissive?
Wed Mar 15 7:47:13 2000
Lady D: ~ The psychological aspects are taught first. The how to swing a whip . . . spank a bottom is technique. That can be learned. What you are doing, in my mind, if you do not understand the dynamics, you could fuck someone up for life.
And yes, there certainly were physical aspects, however, it is/was not "scening" in the most commonly thought about way. It was "training". A lesson to be learned. In that teaching came the discipline and the psychological aspects.
Wed Mar 15 7:49:49 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
What is the common (if there is one) length of "training"? Was it what you had anticipated and if not ~ how did it differ? Please tell us about basic petitions and contracts?
Wed Mar 15 7:51:09 2000
Lady D: ~ The length of training varies on what is wanting to be learned. I did not "anticipate" my training. I really didn't "know" it was needed. Went for techniques and as I learned I understood the "dynamics." That was when I understood what was needed in training. Learning is an ongoing process.
Wed Mar 15 7:53:53 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: ecstasy ~ I was surprised when Lady D
told me about the certificate as well . . .
But there comes a time when one has accomplished as much as they can with a teacher/mentor ~ and then it is time to DO what one has spent time learning.
For instance, a college degree is merely the beginning of one's career . . . it only notes how far one has come, how much one has learned . . . and in some ways then embarks on the additional life-long learning.
This concludes the earlier interview that
Lady D was gracious enough to do this past week.
Wed Mar 15 7:57:52 2000
LES IS MORE(m): C C ahmen
And when the DOM or sub thinks they know every thing there is to know they become either boring or dammed dangerous
Wed Mar 15 7:58:31 2000
!HARLEY!: I am very glad you brought up the mind fuck issue. In the hands of a brute or someone that doesn't care, it is devestating. Have dealt with and counselled many who have experienced it.
Wed Mar 15 7:58:43 2000
MARQUIS DE SADE: Lady D....You keep referring to submissives as slaves...can't a person be a submissive without being a slave?...
Wed Mar 15 8:01:59 2000
Harpoon: The certificate takes the form of a step in a process of learning. It's a goal to work towards and a reward for achieving a certain level as submissive (or a Dominant)
There are other "rewards" used in BDSM to signify points along a journey... Tattoos or piercings are one form of this. A submissive who has learned a particular set of skills in serving their Top might be rewarded with a tattoo..I know a BDSM couple who work a lot of themes from martial artsinstruction into their relationship...
It's personal style in many ways...
Training ~ Continued ~ Page 2 ~
Mirror site: http://www.thebrc.net/
Sign The Guestbook 
View The Guestbook
Sign The Dreambook 
Read The Dreambook