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| by ~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~ |
Finding the "virgin" male submissive that is just coming to discover and appreciate himself and understand that there is beauty and strength in submission is a wonderful discovery for a Dominant (at least this one). That first bonding of "virginal submission" is unlike anything that will follow ~ it will always be the "first." To know that he is not "less of a man" for the feelings and tendencies he has claimed and owned in his personal journey in self-discovery is truly awesome. To have the opportunity to assist him in becoming more of what he is, discovering the blooming of that which is deep within his being and the wondrous maturation of it, a true joy. It has been my delight to know several submissive men. In facing the stereotypical social pressures to be a "manly man" I personally find this request an awesome revelation of a man with incredible strength. He has come a long way in his understanding of himself . . . offering opportunity for both enjoyment of his special gift and the exploration of trust. To be the recipient of these words is indeed a joy. The process has always been one of mutual learning from each other be that in any type of relationship. For there to be a power exchange, there must be a flow back and forth. If the submissive is a novice with regard to many of the aspects involved in a full B.D.S.M. relationship, then it is important to introduce the various aspects, be that discipline, roles, bondage, toys ~ or whatever as he discovers interests or concerns that need to be covered prior to proceeding further. Trust and honesty is essential. The process of self-discovery is not always an easy one. What is it that we do or don't like or enjoy, looking into the deeper reasons of why we do or don't, and ultimately how it effects us. When the realization and acceptance of what our needs are, be it submissive or Dominate, it is only then that a relationship can be truly fulfilling. Does "training" have to include finding "limits" either soft or hard or is it a matter of finding the level of submission that is given and working within those guidelines? That, of course, varies in each relationship. The awesome heights of a healthy erotic power exchange are also balanced by the depths of despair that can be caused by an unhealthy exchange. To be ever vigilant, I believe, is the key. One cannot control what one does not understand, therefore it is imperative to take the time to give the relationship a firm foundation. To use power without understanding is less than responsible. The initial discovery process provides an infrastructure that will be the base for additional growth and learning. Rigidity on either the part of the Dominant or submissive is a way to short circuit the power exchange ~ again it is a two-way flow. Without that, you are playing by yourself. If one is working with or training a submissive with prior experience, there is less groundwork to cover if the initial training was positive. If not, then there will be a re-training that establishes the basis of mutual understanding and communication along with verification of what both of you are expecting. That communication needs to not only communicate his needs and desires but that of the Dominant as well. (Much is written on the needs and desires of submissives and conversely much less is written on the needs and desires of Dominants.) All the years, centuries of a male-dominated society has gone a long way in making the "coming out" and self-declaration that one is a submissive male one that is not always easy. Since the male submissive still has to combat social prejudices and perceived stereotyped ideas, often he has to fight within himself for self-acceptance. Even within our lifestyle, where the by-words are acceptance, there is much that remains unsaid and understood with regards to the male submissive. For those that have struggled with themselves for a long time but finally have managed to do so those that I have spoken to describe it in a way that bespeaks the chagrin of not having done so sooner. They are happier with themselves and who they are. Regardless of your place, submissive, dominant, switch, gay, transgender, homosexual, lesbian, or heterosexual, isn't that a wonderful place to be? If, as in many cases in life, this is not your submissive's first relationship, there is the "re-training" aspect that needs to be covered and addressed. Be careful not to bring in old baggage from other relationships . . . "My ex-Mistress . . . or my last submissive, slave (insert your choice here)" just doesn't cut it. Dominants have the responsibility to educate themselves to be skilled in the various things they do. The submissive has the responsibility to voice concerns as well as have input in their training. For instance, if one's submissive delights in cock and ball torture, ~ LEARN, KNOW and PRACTICE within limits which are "safe." Damaging your submissive will not ingratiate you to them and ultimately show disrespect for them and relationships that are long lasting almost always include respect that goes both ways. To wish to make submissives clones of previous submissives is not to allow for the spark of individuality that is the catalyst of the magic that is unique to each relationship. What is it in a relationship that a male submissive is looking for? That varies with each individual. I have found many men that are in positions of authority in their careers that find being a submissive out of the work arena and it is the "release" of the responsibility as well as the ability to hand themselves over to another that is what makes the "other realm" bearable. For others, they have come to grips with that which was/is still in many areas a male stereotype and have given over to the discovery of self-realization. Be that in the area of sexual preference, trans-sexual, trans-gender, gender identification or that of submission. With this and all relationships the taking the time to communicate well, establish boundaries, petition the one you wish to be with, learn what is expected and make your wants and desires known, write the contract, and know that all things have ups and downs and it is the working together with a common desire that makes it worth the time. While this is a generality, a good many submissives are looking for relationships that fulfills not only the physical desires but also the emotional growth and nurturing that is the cornerstone of successful and healthy relationships. It is the peace and contentment that is found in the counsel and instruction of their Mistress/Master or Dominant. The ideal situation is for the Dom/me to be one that enables growth, provides authority and guidance that is nurturing that seeks to strengthen and edify their submissive. As time progresses, it is found, and often to the surprise of the submissive, that they are in many ways as much a teacher as a student. 
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