Judgements
by Cailin
Copyright © 1998 - Cailin
(contributed by ~kudles~)
A tangent I went on after being judged one too many times...
There comes a time in your life when you must sit back, evaluate your life, and make some hard decisions on how you will live, and on what you need to make you happy.
I would find it hard to believe that there are many people involved in BDSM who can refute that statement.
And given that premise, I will go a step further and state the following:
After making the hard decisions you are the only person who can and should judge you.
Why am I stating these beliefs? Mainly because I have been talking to some people who feel persecuted lately by some of the topics. This message is meant to address these people, as well as people who seem to make sweeping judgements. The underlying threads of condemnation of married people, be they real or perceived, who look to find happiness in this lifestyle is the motivating factor of this post.
I would like to try to put things in perspective, mainly for the benefit of me.
Everyone has judgements, this can not be denied. Some people keep the judgements to themselves. Some people express their judgements in a tactful and productive manner. And some people express their judgement with the tact and diplomacy of a bulldozer.
But the judgement you hold comes from where you are at in your life and in your beliefs. Let me give you a scenario of examples ~
I live in a neighborhood. I have an SO who is purely vanilla. I have a Dom, who isn't. My dom and I have had a long-term relationship. We fullfill emotional and physical needs in each other that neither of us will ever get in our "real lives." I have made some decisions in my life, I live with those decisions, and I am at peace with myself. I do, however, think that Person A, who lives next door to me is mighty boring.....
Person A lives next door to me. This person has been married for 30 years, has 4 kids, a dog, two cats... and would go to church and pray for my soul if they suspected that I like to be tied up and introduced to various "toys" that most people associate with "punishment or pain". This person, if vocal, may even tell all of the other neighbors about it and decry my values.
Person B lives across the street. I think Person B is horrible! Person B is a known cheat. He has a new girlfriend every month or so, and thrives on those quick one-night stands for sexual pleasure alone. Am I a hypocrite for judging Person B as a horrible person? NO! Absolutely NOT! I "cheat" with a long-term relationship that has an emotional base... Person B is just a jerk who screws anything that comes along! There's a difference, I say to myself judgementally...
{gosh I hope you all see my tongue firmly implanted into the side of my cheek}.
On the other hand, Person B thinks I am a REAL pervert. He heard from Person A that I like handcuffs and collars and ropes and whips and toys that require batteries ... and he can not believe that perverts like me aren't locked up and thrown in jail... after all -- what if his kids find out about me!!!
And don't get ANY of us neighbors started on Persons C and D -- because *in a hushed voice*.... they are two MEN who have lived together for YEARS.... and none of us neighbors have seen a single female go in and out of that house *gasp*.
And the moral of the story -
To you who feel judged - Of course you are. It's human nature and it's going to happen. You need to be comfortable with where you are at... and live your life based on your own decisions. It's going to happen. All you can do is either be comfortable with your choices, or listen to the judgements and be swayed... and neither option is wrong.
To those of you who judge (and I think that we ALL do, to a certain extent)... just be aware that you, in turn, are also being judged...
Copyright © 1998 - Cailin
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