matthew henderson

"The skyline was beautiful on fire... all twisted metal stretching upwards... everything washed in a thin orange haze... I said 'kiss me, you're beautiful... these are truly the last days'... you grabbed my hand and we fell into it, like a daydream or a fever..."...

Godspeed You Black Emperor! - 'The Dead Flag Blues'...

"I was born alive...
fractured, divided, shattered into a billion fragments...
a million piece jigsaw puzzle...
a million piece jigsaw puzzle with no this, and no that..."...

The Smashing Pumpkins - 'spaced'...

"drink scotch whiskey all night long...
and die behind the wheel...
they got a name for the winners in the world...
I want a name when I lose...
they call Alabama the Crimson Tide...
call me Deacon Blues..."...

Steely Dan - 'Deacon Blues'...

To Become One

time again to test the fears
experience heeds way to instinct
stress overcomes the will to change
to become the solid being
failure again

the mold has been wrought
but the filling's not hot
not hot enough to merge into one

silent expressions gone unseen
lost in the haze
I can't cut through the muffling cloud
long distance shadows show evidence of sunlight
high noon is so far away

the short shadows being sought
much further than previously thought
multiple and far from being one

to try and walk inside the self
but that road to solution is not so easy
then try to take shelter from the pain
it's tearing the soul apart
there's nothing that can be done

I guess I'm getting used to the onslaught
nothing handy can be bought
only in time can I meld into one

written 9/3/98
©1998 Matt Henderson 4/21/76

this page is dedicated to all of you who've made an impact on my life and made me who I am today... to all of you who've shown me a little piece of Heaven and taken me to the dark depths of Hell... to all of you who've been there to listen to me ramble and give insight into my life, even though I didn't heed advice or warnings or seemed to be blowing you off, I really was listening... to all of you who've been there when I was at my worst and helped me not go totally over the edge... to all of you who've filled my heart and made me happy... to all of you who've made me laugh and cry... to all of you who've made this life worth living... I will never forget any of you... my eternal thanks to you all...

last updated: sunday, april 2, 2006... 9:18 pm pst...