FUNNIES











For a Good Time...Pet the Horses??






Want a big juicy steak?!?!









This gay guy is talking to one of his friends about churches.
Well, his friend tells him about this
really great church that helps the poor, gives to charities, and
so on and so forth. Being very
pleased with what he hears, the gay guy decides to go to the
church and check it out. He sits
through the sermon, and the collection plate starts
to get passed around. Impressed by the
preacher and the church in general, he puts a
hundred dollar bill in the plate. When the
preacher sees the $100 bill in there he
says,"In the whole time I have preached here, I have never
seen a hundred dollar bill in the plate! Whoever was
kind enough to give us this generous gift, please
stand up and be recognized!" So the
gay guy stands up. The preacher said," Well, in
showing our appreciation for your kindess,
you may choos the next 3 hymns. So the gay guy
says,"Ok...I'll take him, him, and him!.".







>




******************************************************
YOUR STORY
HAS TOUCHED MY HEART
Never before have I met anyone with more
troubles than you have.Please accept this
expression of my sincere sympathy.
NOW SCREW OFF AND QUIT BOTHERIN ME!
*****************************************************








Ever wanted to read a
?
If so, just click on the cover.







There are a couple of strings walking down the street.
One turns to the other and says,"I am
so thirsty! I want to go to that bar
and get something to drink.". The other string says,"They
will NEVER serve you...you are just a string!".
So the stubborn string goes in and sits at the bar.
He saysm,"Hey bartender! I want a beer!".
So the bartender says," Are you crazy? You are just a
string! Get out of my bar!" So the string walks
out side and ties himself up and pulls apart
his ends and goes back into the bar and sits
down. He says again," Hey bartender! I want a beer!".
So the bartender loks at him and says,"Look
dude...I already told you...but I will tell you again,
I will NOT serve you... You are just a string!"
The string just shakes his head and says," I'm a frayed knot!"
(I'm affraid not).











Pet the cat
and he will do
something for you!










There's something you should know about money....Click on George to find out










When things go wrong
As they usually will,
And your daily road
Seems all uphill,
When funds are low
And debts are high,
When you try to smile
But can only cry,
And you really feel
Like you'd like to quit,
Don't come to me
I don't give a shit!



I just had to share this picture...


A Union Man's Dog

Four workers were discussing how smart thier dogs were.
The first was an engineer, who said his dog could
do math with calculations. His dog was named T-Square.
He told the dog to get some paper and draw a circle and a
triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant
said that his dog was better. The dog's name
was Slide Rule. The guy told the dog to fetch a dozen
cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles
of three, which the dog did with no problem.
The chemist said that was all fine and dandy, but that
his dog was even better. His dog, Measure, was told to
get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass.
The dog did so with no problem whatsoever. All
three men agreed that this was all very
good and that thier dogs were all equally smart. They all
turned to the Union Man and said, "what can your
dog do?". The man called his dog whose name was Coffee
Break, and said, "Now, show the fellows what you can
do.". The dog went over and ate the cookies,
drank the milk, crapped on the paper, humped the other three dogs,
and claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a
grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for
Workman's Compensation, and left for home
on paid sick leave.












A baby was born that was so advanced that he could
talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the
doctor. "Are you my doctor?", he asked."Yes, I am."
replied the doctor. The baby said, "Thank you for taking
such good care of me during birth." He looked at his
mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, I am," she
said. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before
I was born," he said. He then looked at his father and
asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father
answered.The baby motioned him to come closer, then
poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times,
saying, "I want you to know that THAT HURTS!







Hmmmm... have you ever wondered...



If you have any good jokes, e mail me and I will
use them on the page. If you are offened by
these jokes, I am sorry, but you can always
leave this site and not bother to come back,
OR come back when you have a sense of humor:).
However, out of the kindness of my heart I have
made another more suitable joke page for you here
Thank you and have a nice day!
CLH