Chapter 43
May 6, 2007
"Kev? How's it going?"
"Hey Jer! Great! Wuz up?"
"Tour's going well?" Jerry asked. He couldn't believe how Kevin sounded. It's just not possible, he thought. Rachel's right. He's just written her off.
"It's terrific, Jer. I think this is the best response we've ever had. It's such a rush!" he laughed. "You know-I never did much, but drugs never got me as high as the way I feel on that stage-even after all this time."
"That's great Kev," Jerry said. "Have you talked to the kids recently?"
"Yeah." Jerry could hear the smile in his voice. "Last night. You know I sent Jemma a cell phone with a speed dial to my cell-so she and Aaron can call whenever they want to."
And they don't have to involve Rachel, Jerry thought. He hesitated. Maybe he should leave well enough alone. Kevin was back to himself. In fact the healing seemed to be an incredibly quick process now that he had gotten all the anger out.
"Jer?" Kevin's voice cut into his thoughts. "Did I lose you? Are you still there?"
"I'm here Kev," Jerry replied. "It's good to hear your voice. You sound-really good, Kev. I'm glad."
"So how are Ellen and Maddie and JW and Bobby?" Kevin asked. "Are you all meeting us in Orlando?"
"They're all fine. And yes, I think we're going to try to get there," Jerry said with a grin. "I can let you know for sure next week."
"If you do, do you think maybe you could bring Jemma and Aaron along with you?" Kevin hesitated, waiting for an answer. Jerry didn't respond. "They've never seen a concert, and I'd like them to be there," he explained.
Jerry couldn't stand it anymore. He had to do something. "I guess we could do that-if we come. If not-well, maybe somebody else could bring them to you."
"Do you think Tim and Tracy would come?" Kevin asked. And suddenly Jerry heard it. There was a frantic quality to his questions. Everything was not as great as it seemed. But was Kevin panicking because he didn't want to hear Rachel's name or because he did? Only one way to find out.
"I don't know Kev," he said thinking quickly. "I can ask. We were over there last night for dinner. Everybody sends their love. Parker is going to be a linebacker! That kid is a moose! He's got Dad's build. He's not gonna take any guff from his big brothers once he's a few years older." He chuckled. "Maddie wants to baby-sit for them, but I'm not so sure. Lifting that kid could give her a hernia. Jemma just barely managed to hold him in her lap." He left the sentence hanging.
"Jemma was there too?" Kevin asked hesitantly.
"Yeah-everybody was," Jerry said quietly. There was silence from the other end of the line.
"How is-everybody?" Kevin asked, toughing it out.
"Well, who'd I leave out?" Jerry paused as though thinking. "You've talked to Jemma and Aaron, and I told you about Ellen and the kids, and Parker. The rest of Tim's wild Indians are fine and so are Tim and Tracy. Harry and Margaret and troops are doing well." He let it dangle again.
"That was it?" Kevin's voice was getting very cautious.
"Um-yeah. I think so," Jerry responded briskly.
"Come on, Jer!" Kevin's voice was thick with tension. "Was she there?"
"Well, now who would that be, Kev?" Jerry let his annoyance filter through. "I don't think I know anyone in the family by that name. She? Sheila? Nope. Who do you mean?"
"Damn it, Jerry!" Kevin nearly screamed. "Was Rachel there?"
"Oh, you do remember her name!" Jerry voice was dripping with sarcasm. "As a matter of fact, Rachel was there. Your kids don't really go too many places without her."
"How-how is she?" Kevin asked hesitantly.
"And you're asking this-why?" Jerry pushed. Silence. "Kevin, either you answer me or I'm hanging up and saving on my phone bill."
"Well-like you said-the kids-." Kevin stammered.
"Oh bullshit, Kevin!" Jerry exploded. "First you can't deal with your kids, and then someone-Rachel-helps you find your way back to them and now you can't deal with her? She was trying to explain 'transference' to me the other day-now I think I understand it. You just took all the negative things you were feeling about the kids and laid it on her-didn't you?" Silence. "Didn't you?? What the hell do you want, Kevin?"
"I don't know Jerry." It was a whisper. The raw fear in Kevin's voice stopped Jerry from blowing up any further. He took a deep breath.
"Well, all things considered, I guess she's doing okay." He paused. "You know she's leaving? She asked Tim and me to start looking for a new housekeeper."
"I know." Suddenly Kevin sounded tired. "Tim called and she e-mailed me a couple of days ago. Said it was time for all of us to move on. She's right-I just want to put the past away and get on with my-."
Jerry lost it again. "She's miserable, you son-of-a-bitch! You told her you loved her, Kevin. Did you mean that, or was it just a way to keep her around while you needed her?"
"I loved-love her, Jerry," Kevin said softly. "I just don't know what to do. I'm scared. I've screwed up so many times with her that she can't possibly still love me."
"Are you kidding me?" Jerry asked in disbelief. "This is the woman who knew-knew-that helping you get past your anger was going to make you push her away, and she walked right into it anyway. I begged her to wait for someone else to help you so that you wouldn't do this to her, but she wouldn't let anyone else help you."
"What do you mean-you begged her to wait?" Kevin whispered.
"She told me on New Year's Eve that sooner or later you were going to break down, and that she knew what the end result was going to be-and she was right." Jerry sighed. "She loves you so much that she was willing to sacrifice what she felt to help you. Don't you even think about disrespecting her by saying that she doesn't love you anymore."
There was a click and then Kevin was listening to the dial tone.
Chapter 44
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