Chapter 42
April 30, 2007
"But why?" Tim asked.
"Because you don't need me anymore, Tim," Rachel said gently. "Kevin has his life back and he's made his peace with Kristin. The kids are his again. That's why you hired me. I did my job-now all that's needed is someone to run the house. It's time." She looked at the two brothers sitting at the kitchen table with her. Tim was upset and trying to make sense of her announcement. Jerry-well, Rachel was having trouble meeting his eyes so she couldn't really say what he was feeling.
"But what about how you two feel about each other?" Tim pressed.
She took a deep breath. Make this convincing, Rachel. "Tim. It wasn't real. It was what was needed at the time. And now it's time to move on." Jerry listened silently as she lied to Tim. When she looked up, he stared into her eyes. "Believe me, both of you," she said quietly. "It's better this way."
"Well, it's going to take a couple weeks to set up interviews," Tim sighed, giving in.
"Just get started," she smiled. "The sooner the better."
"Okay-if you're sure," he said reluctantly. "But don't you think we'd better tell Kevin first?"
"You go right ahead and call him Tim," Rachel said softly. "I'm sure that you'll find that he'll agree with my assessment of the situation."
Later, as they were leaving, Jerry stopped at the door and let Tim go ahead of him. He looked down at her. "There has to be another way, Rachel," he said quietly. "It's not just about you and Kevin, you know. What about the kids? You've been their mother." He saw the tears starting in her eyes. "There has to be another way," he repeated.
"If I knew what it was, Jerry-," she smiled up at him sadly. "Sometimes there just is no 'happily-ever-after'."
"So you're just going to 'give up', after all?" he asked. "Doesn't sound like you. Maybe you don't love him as much as you thought you did."
The tears welled up in her eyes and threatened to spill over. "That was low and uncalled for, Jerry," she whispered. "Why do you think I have to leave? This is grinding me into the ground. I need some distance. I thought you understood."
"I do, Rachel," he said as he brushed a stray tear away. "I guess I just wanted a sign that you hadn't turned to stone. Just some reassurance that healing Kevin's broken heart wasn't going to permanently freeze yours." He paused. "You know that no matter where you are, or how far in the future, if you need to talk, you can call me? Promise me?"
"Thank you Jerry." She sniffled and tried a small smile. "I'll remember-I promise."
Jerry kissed her on the cheek and stepped down off the porch. As he got into the car he looked back and waved. Rachel smiled and waved back, but he saw the tears sliding down her face.
She walked back into the house. As she closed the front door and leaned back against it, she gazed around. Over fifteen months. This was the longest she had ever stayed at one job. She was going to miss this house. There was a beauty and a soft charm to it. She had felt it the first day she was here for her interview. Ann had created a warm home here and Rachel had tried to maintain that feeling over the past months. She hoped that whoever came to take her place would do the same. She smiled sadly to herself. Probably not, she thought. Most housekeepers would lobby for all the newest conveniences and try to streamline the day-to-day operation of the house. Efficiency. That was what was important. And creativity counted for little. She wandered through the downstairs rooms. Yes, it was going to be hard saying good-bye.
She drew a deep breath and scolded herself. You have no one to blame but yourself, Rachel. You knew what the dangers were and how to avoid them. If you couldn't handle it you should have asked to be reassigned. You wouldn't be going through this now if you had done what you knew you should have. She shook her head. And she also wouldn't have known Jemma and Aaron. Or Tim and Tracy-Brian, Leighanne, Ellen, or Jerry. And the rest of Kevin's family, immediate and extended. No-she wouldn't have wanted to miss the opportunity to know any of them.
She arrived at the door to the den. She hesitated and then opened the door. This room had somehow become the center of the house for her. She knew that Jemma and Aaron and even Kevin had loved spending time together in the kitchen, and she had loved those times too. But here-in this room-was where she had felt the safest, the most comforted, and-because of Kevin-the most loved. This was where she would remember him being. She would be able to see him most clearly as he had been when he was here. Lonely, and drinking to hide from the pain. Angry-with Kristin, with Aaron, with G-d, with her, with himself. Tender. Passionate. Afraid. Protective. Happy. All of Kevin was here and here was where her mind would seek him-and where her heart would stay.
Chapter 43
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