Chapter 41

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April 28/29, 2007

The doorbell rang and Jemma ran to answer it. "Rachel!" she called moments later. "There's a delivery man here."

"I'm coming, Jemma," Rachel answered. When she got to the front door, the Fed Ex man handed her a package and the receipt board for her to sign. She smiled her thanks and closed the door. "Well," she smiled. "It looks like this is for you and Aaron. From your Daddy."

"Really?!" Jemma's eyes lit up. "I'll go find Ri. Then can we open it?"

"Of course. Go find Aaron. I think he's in the back parlor." She sighed as Jemma scampered off to find her brother.

It had been over a month since the memorial service and Kevin had been gone since the day after. This was the first contact he had made since then. He had said a hasty good-bye to the children that morning and had headed back to join the tour. Brian had stopped at the house at noon that day, expecting to ride to the airport with him, and Rachel had to tell him that Kevin was already gone. Brian spent a few minutes talking to her. Trying to reassure her, really. But Rachel knew that he didn't really understand what had happened.

In the days following Kevin's departure, Jerry had suddenly found dozens of repair jobs that needed doing at the house. He was there nearly every day after work. None of the repairs were major or time-consuming, and he probably could have finished them all in one afternoon. But after he finished something, he would come looking for Rachel, asking her for coffee, and they would spend an hour or so sitting in the kitchen, talking. Rachel knew that he was checking up on her, worrying about her, and she had done her best to assure him that she was all right.

Jemma returned to the living room with Aaron and the two of them sat down with Rachel while she opened the package for them. Inside was a gift-wrapped box with a note attached to the outside. Rachel turned the box over to Jemma and Aaron and read the note to them.

Dear Jemma & Aaron
- Enclosed is something that will help us stay in touch. Rachel will show you how to use it and then, if you need to talk to me when I'm not home, you can call me. If I can't answer the phone right away, you can leave a message and I promise I'll call you back as soon as I can. I love you both. Be good.
Love,
Daddy
P.S. Rachel - there's a speed dial to my cell number. That's all they need to learn right now. Thanks.
Kevin

Rachel swallowed down the lump that was forming in her throat and looked up. Jemma was holding a cell phone.

"Rachel! Daddy sent us a phone!" she beamed.

"I see that, honey. Now remember-you have to share." Fortunately, both the children were too excited to notice that she was having trouble controlling her voice. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Let me see it, and I'll show you how to use it."

After Rachel demonstrated the speed dial, she showed them how to tell if the battery needed charging and let them make their first call. Kevin apparently picked up right away, because she could hear the happy, laughing conversation as she walked down the hallway and slipped into the den. Only after the door was closed did she give way to the tears that had been burning her eyes and throat.

If she had needed any proof that Kevin was trying to remove her from his life, she had it now. He wasn't going to fire her, but he was making sure that he had as little contact with her as possible. She knew that it was only a matter of time before he would find someone new-maybe even someone he already knew-like Kelly. And then she would be unnecessary. Why are you surprised Rachel? You knew this was the probability-not the possibility. Suck it up. Remember why you're here.

"Rachel?" The door opened and Aaron peeked in. Rachel quickly wiped the tears from her face and grabbed a tissue to blow her nose. "Daddy wants to talk to you," he said with a grin. He handed her the phone and backed out of the room. "Kevin?" she said quietly.

"Hi." There was an awkward pause. "Thanks for showing them how to use the phone."

"Well, it wouldn't do much good if they didn't know how to use it," she said lightly. "They're so excited about it-that was a great idea."

"I just thought-it might be easier if they didn't have to-you know-bother you, every time they wanted to talk," he said hesitantly.

"It was a good idea-really." Rachel paused to clear her throat. "How are you doing? No more nightmares?"

"No, none since-." He stopped.

"I'm glad, Kev. That's got to be a relief." Silence. "Kevin?" The tears were starting again. She knew what was coming. She tried again. "Hey-penny for your thoughts. You just got awfully quiet on me there."

"Rachel-I just-um, I wanted to tell you that I think it's better if-if you don't call me. That's why I got the kids the cell phone." His voice sounded far away and tired. "I appreciate everything you did for me-more than I can ever-but, well-that's over now and I-I need to be able to put it behind me." There was a pause. "I'm sure you can understand that," he whispered.

"Sure, Kevin," she said gently. "I understand." She held her hand over the mouthpiece as she stifled a sob. She bit her lip and clamped down the emotion. "Do you want to talk to the kids again?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah-I'd really like to if they're right there."

Rachel took the phone back to Aaron and walked quickly away to the kitchen.

Once the phone call was over, Jemma and Aaron came looking for her. She helped them decide where to keep the phone and then shooed them outside to play. She sat down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. She meant to decide what she should do-immediately and long-term-but as she sat there her thoughts drifted back to a recent conversation she'd had with Jerry.

~ ~ ~ ~

"It's only been three weeks, Rachel," Jerry was saying. "And you know how things get when he's out on tour."

"Jerry," she sighed. "I know what you're saying, but you have to understand that I've seen this before. All the signs are there." She paused. "If he hasn't already, he's coming to it."

"Can I tell you a story, Rachel?" Jerry said softly.

Rachel looked up at him and smiled. "Another 'Kevin Growing Up' story, Jerry?" She shook her head. "I thought you'd told me all of them."

"Actually, it's a 'Jerry Growing Up' story," he smiled. "Do you know what the hardest part of growing up was for me?" Rachel was still smiling. She shook her head. "The hardest thing was watching Kevin growing up and knowing that he had something I would never have."

Rachel stared at him. "Okay-you have my attention," she said quietly.

"It's okay now," he said. "I have Ellen now and Maddie and the boys. And don't misunderstand me-I love him. But when we were growing up-I had a real hard time dealing with him."

"What do you mean, Jerry?" she asked. "Jealousy? What did you have to be jealous of?"

"Let's just say that Kevin's been very lucky with the women in his life," Jerry sighed. "He was Mom's favorite-oh, she tried real hard not to let it show, but we knew-Tim and I. There wasn't anything she wouldn't have done for him-murder included." He grinned. "It's a good thing she never got put to the test."

"When he got engaged to Beth, I was happy for him, but I was here to see what she went through when he broke it off. He wasn't. But she never let him see that she was hurt. She wasn't going to stand in the way of him achieving his goals. And then he met Kristin. And I thought-okay-he won't screw this up. But he put her through eight years of crap before he finally got his act together. And she stood by him, no matter what. And now there's you. You've given him his life back, and you look like you're ready to just step out of the way because you've 'done your job'. What is it about him that makes every woman he knows want to give up everything to make sure he's happy? That's what I just couldn't figure out when I was growing up, and I still don't know-even though it doesn't matter any more."

"I'm glad it doesn't matter any more, Jerry," Rachel said gently. "Because you don't deserve to be haunted by anything like that. You're a wonderful man-Ellen saw that-that's why she married you. And your kids know it. And so does everyone else in the family." She paused. "And so-the point of this 'Jerry Growing Up' story is-what?"

"I guess the point is, Rachel-that I don't want you to do anything without thinking about it-for a long time." He put a hand over hers on the table. "Give him some time, honey. He's been through the mill this past year. You both deserve to be happy, and I think that means you ought to be together. I don't think Kevin really wants to throw that away, but if he convinces you that's what he wants, I'm just afraid there'll be no going back." He held up his hands as she started to protest. "Okay-maybe you're right. But maybe you're wrong, too. All I'm saying is please don't do something that you'll regret, just because you have 'facts'. Sometimes 'facts' don't show the whole picture."

"I'm not going to run screaming out the back door, never to return, Jer," she grinned.

He didn't smile. "You know what I'm talking about, Rachel. Promise me you won't decide now-sleep on it. Okay?"

"Okay, Jer," she had whispered. "I promise."

* * * "Okay, Jerry," Rachel whispered to the empty kitchen. "I'll sleep on it. I promise."

* * *

"Tim?" It was morning, and Rachel had slept on it. Unfortunately, it hadn't changed anything. So she was on the phone. "Do you think you could stop by the house tomorrow for a little while? I need to talk over a few things with you and Jerry." She listened to Tim, checking with Tracy and finally agreeing to come over after lunch. She hung up and stared at the phone for several minutes before picking it up again. This call was going to be much harder.

"Hello-Jerry...?"

Chapter 42
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