Increasing Your Knowledge of Yourself and Your Partner
Hidden Sources of Knowledge
When you accept the limited nature of your own perceptions and become
more receptive to the truth of your partner's perceptions, a whole world
opens up to you. Instead of seeing your partner's differing views
as a source of conflict, you find them a source of knowledge: "What are
you seeing that I am not seeing?" "What have you learned that I have yet
to learn?" Marriage gives you the opportunity to be continually schooled
in your own reality and in the reality of another person. Every one
of your interactions contains a grain of truth, a sliver of insight, a
glimpse into your hiddenness and your wholeness. As you add to your
growing fund of knowledge, you are creating reality love, a love based
on the emerging truth of yourself and your partner, not on romantic illusion.
In Chapter Six we discussed a number of specific areas in which you
need to increase your knowledge. You need to become more aware of
the hidden agenda you bring to marriage, of your disowned character traits,
of your partner's inner world, and of the healing potential of your marriage
relationship. As you can see from this brief look at Judy and Gene's
relationship, acquiring this information depends to a large degree on your
willingness to value and learn from each other's perceptions. Once
both of you demonstrate a desire to expand your individual conceptions
of the world, the details of everyday life become a gold mine of information.
An especially good area to mine for this hidden information is your
spoken and unspoken criticisms of your partner: "You never come home on
time." "I can never lean on you." "Why don't you think of me for a change?"
"You are so selfish." At the time you are making these statements, you
believe them to be accurate descriptions of your partner. But the
truth of the matter is that they are often descriptions of parts of yourself.
Take a look at this composite example from several couples to see how
much information can be gleaned from one chronic, emotional complaint.
Lees suppose that a woman routinely criticizes her husband for being disorganized.
"You are always disorganized! I can never depend on you!" When her
husband demands some specific examples, she retorts, "You are terrible
about planning for vacations. You always forget the essentials when
we go camping. You never remember the kids' birthdays. And
you always leave the kitchen a jumbled mess when you cook!" Not surprisingly,
the man's automatic response to this cluster of accusations is a blanket
denial followed by a counter criticism: "That's not true. You're
exaggerating. You're more disorganized than I am!"
How can this heated argument be turned into useful information?
First, the husband would learn something about himself if he assumed that
his wife's criticism contained an element of truth; most people are experts
at spotting their mates' Achilles heel. Unfortunately, most people
deliver this valuable information in an accusatory manner, immediately
arousing the partners' defenses. If this man were able to override
his defensive response, he would be able to see that there are indeed many
areas of his life in which he is not well organized; the pain of hearing
a criticism is largely due to its accuracy. If he could accept the
truth in his wife's remarks, he would become more aware of a significant
disowned trait. That would eliminate his need to project this trait
back onto his wife, and it would also give him the data he needed in order
to grow and change.
This observation about the hidden information
contained in a criticism can be expressed as a general principle:
Principle 1: Most of your partner's criticism of you have some basis in reality.
What else could the couple learn from the above interchange? If the woman had an open mind, she might be able to gain some valuable information about her own childhood wounds. She could do this by following a simple procedure. First, she could write her criticism on a piece of paper: "You are always so disorganized!" Then she could answer the following questions:
How do I feel when my partner acts this way?
What thoughts do I have when my partner acts
this way?
What deeper feelings might underlie these
thoughts and feelings? Did I ever have these thoughts and feelings
when I was a child?
By going through this simple analytical process,
she could determine whether or not her husband's behavior brought back
any strong memories from her childhood. Let's suppose the exercise
helps the woman discover that her parents were always disorganized and
had little time or energy to pay attention to her needs. Not surprisingly,
when her husband acts in a similar manner, she is filled with the same
fears she had as a child. Buried in her criticism of her husband,
therefore, is a plaintive cry from childhood: "Why can't someone take care
of me?"
This leads us to a second general principle:
Principle 2: Many of your repetitious, emotional critics of your partner are disguised statements of your own unmet needs.
There is another piece of information that
can be derived from such criticism, one that usually requires a great deal
of soul-searching. It is possible that the woman's criticism of her
husband is a valid statement about herself. In other words, all the
while she is berating her husband for his lack of organization, she may
be as disorganized as he is. To find out if this is true, she could
ask herself a general question: "In what way is my criticism of my husband
also true of me?" She should keep in mind that the way in which she is
disorganized may be quite different from her husband's. She may keep
an immaculate kitchen, for example, and be a whiz at planning vacations
- the areas where he has difficulties -- but have a hard time prioritizing
her tasks at work or managing the family budget. With this new insight,
she would be able to determine whether or not she was attempting to exorcise
a disowned, negative part of herself by externalizing it projecting it
onto her partner, and then criticizing it. If she found that to be
true, she would have the information she needs to allow herself to separate
her own negative traits from her partner's - "I am disorganized in
this specific way; my partner is disorganized in that specific way." In
psychological terms, she would be "owning" and "withdrawing" her projections.
Jesus said it more poetically: "Cast out the log in your own eye so that
you can see the mote in your brother's eye."
This leads us to a third observation about
criticism:
Principle 3: Some of your repetitive, emotional criticisms of your partner may be an accurate description of a disowned part of yourself.
Often, when a recurring criticism is not a description of a disowned part of the self, it is a description of another unconscious aspect, the lost self. If this woman were to scrutinize her behavior and find herself to be supremely well organized in all aspects of her life, her criticism of her husband might be an unconscious wish to be less organized - to be more relaxed, flexible, and spontaneous. When she criticizes her husband for behaving 'in a carefree manner, she may be secretly resenting his freedom. When partners criticize each other for being too energetic, too sexy, too playful, too dedicated to their work, they are often identifying undeveloped or repressed areas of their own psyches. Now we have our fourth and final principle:
Principle 4: Some of your criticism of your partner may help you identify your own lost self
In the next chapter, 'in an exercise called the Stretching exercise, I will show you how to take the knowledge that you- can glean from your mutual criticisms and convert it 'into an effective, growth-producing process.
Understanding Your Partner's Inner World
Examining your criticisms of your partner turns out to be an excellent
way to gather information about yourself How can you increase your knowledge
of your partner's inner world? The answer is, through improved channels
of communication. Throughout the course of your relationship, your
partner has given you thousands of hours of testimony about his or her
thoughts and feelings and wishes, but only a fraction of this information
ever registered. In order to deepen your understanding of your partner's
subjective reality, you need to train yourself to communicate more effectively.
To do this, it helps to know something about
semantics: even though you and your partner speak the same language, each
of you dwells in an idiosyncratic world of private meanings. Growing
up in different families with different fife experiences has given you
private lexicons. As a trivial example let's explore what the simple
words "Let's play tennis' might mean in two different families. In
family A, the full unspoken definition of this phrase is: "Let's grab any
old racket that happens to be lying around, walk to the local park, and
lob the ball back and forth across the net until someone wants to quit.
Rules are secondary; it's the exercise that counts." In family B, however,
"Let's play tennis" has quite a different meaning. It means let's
reserve an indoor court at the private club, get out our two-hundred-dollar
rackets, and then play tough, competitive tennis until one player is clearly
the winner." Mark, raised in family A, is going to be taken aback, by the
aggressiveness and determination that his wife, Susan, raised in family
B, brings to the game.
A less trivial example would be the associations
that Mark and Susan might bring to the phrase 'Let's talk about it." Assume
that in Susan's family "Let's talk about it" means: "All the adults sit
around the table and calmly and rationally discuss their various points
of view until they come up with an agreed-upon plan of action." In Mark's
family the same words mean: "This is a topic that we will talk about briefly
and then shelve until further notice." Underlying Mark's family's more
casual approach is the philosophy that even the most difficult problems
work themselves out over time. When Susan proposes to Mark that they
"talk about the fact that their son is getting poor marks at school, and
Mark says a few sentences and then switches on the IV, she is going to
be irate. Mark, in turn, is going to be stunned when Susan storms
out the door and does not return for several hours. What did he do
wrong? What he did wrong was assume that he and his wife shared the
same language.
Denial
Besides the problem of idiosyncratic language, there are other roadblocks
to communication, Perhaps the most common mechanism is denial: you simply
refuse to believe what your partner has to say. A recent example
comes to mind. Joseph and Amira came to one of my weekend workshops.
Joseph is a forty yearold journalist, Amira a twenty-five-year-old
television actress. They are both attractive, accomplished people.
On Saturday evening, about midway through the seminar, the key source of
their conflict began to emerge. During a discussion period, Joseph
volunteered that he desperately wanted to start a family. "I'm going
to be old enough to be a grandfather before I'm a father," he lamented.
But Amira wanted to wait. Her career was just getting off the ground,
and she didn't want to take time off to have a baby until her mid-thirties.
She protested that she had told Joseph before they got married that she
wasn't interested in starting a family until much later. "I was very
clear about it in my own head, and I told him over and over again.
But he didn't listen to me. I should have worn a T-shirt with big block
letters: I'm not ready to have children.' Joseph acknowledged that Amira
had 'indeed made her position clear to him, but he had convinced himself
that she didn't mean what she said. "I was sure that she was only
kidding herself. How could acting a bit part on a soap opera be more
important than being a mother?" Satisfying his urgent need to have children
was so important to him that he had discounted his wife's priorities.
We all have a number of these subterranean
"hot spots" in our relationships, places where our expectations of our
partners collide with reality. When our partners behave in ways that
conflict with our self-interest, we have an arsenal of weapons to help
us maintain our illusions. We can condemn them: "You are a bad (ungrateful,
insensitive, boorish, stupid, spiteful, uninformed, crass, unenlightened,
etc.) person for feeling that way." We can "educate them: "You don't really
feel that way. What you really feel is . . .' We can threaten them:
"Unless you change your mind, I'm going to . . "We can ignore them: "Uh-huh.
Very interesting. As I was saying . . ." Or we can analyze them:
"The reason you have such unacceptable thoughts and feelings is that years
ago your mother. . ." In all of these responses, what we are trying to
do is diminish our partners' sense of self and replace it with our own,
self-serving illusion. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened
to our partners in childhood. In dozens of ways, their caretakers
told them: "Only some of your feelings are valid. Only a portion
of your feelings and behaviors are permitted.' Instead of helping our partners
repair this emotional damage, we are adding further injury.
The Mirroring Exercise
"Mirroring" is the name of a communication technique that serves two
important functions: 1) it helps you the semantic differences between you
and your partner, and 2) it trains you to become more receptive to your
partner's spoken messages. Mirroring is a deceptively simple exercise
that is commonly used by marital therapists. When one of you has
something to communicate, whether it's a thought or a feeling, you simply
state it in a short, declarative sentence starting with the word "I": "I
enjoyed talking about our problems last night." Your partner then paraphrases
your remark and asks for confirmation: "You are glad that we took the time
last night to talk about the things that are bothering us. Am I understanding
you correctly?" You repeat this process until your partner clearly understands
both the semantic and the emotional content of .what you are saying.
Then you move on to another statement. That's all there is to it,
but this deliberate style of communication is so foreign to most couples
that it usually requires a great deal of practice.
Here's an example of the many problems people can have with the Mirroring
exercise. The following conversation took place at a weekend workshop
,when I asked a couple to volunteer to come to the front of the group and
talk about a sensitive issue, just as they would at home. Greg and
Sheila, a young couple who had been living together for only a few months,
volunteered. Greg started the conversation.
GREG: Sheila, I'm really bothered by your smoking, and I'd like you to be more considerate when you smoke around me.
Because I had yet to introduce Sheila and Greg to the Mirroring exercise, Sheila followed her natural instincts and responded with an automatic defense:
SHEILA: You knew that I smoked when you asked me to live
with you. You accepted that fact in the beginning. Why
are you always so critical of me? You should accept me as I am.
You know that I'm trying to cut down.
Greg, operating on automatic pilot, returned her remarks with an intensified criticism. The conversation was turning into a tennis match.
GREG: I acknowledge your efforts to smoke less. But I find it interesting that, when we come here and the sign in the dining room says '"No Smoking," you follow it. Yet I feel invaded at home with the smell of tobacco smoke all over the place.
SHEILA: Well, this is not my home. And I feel I have a right to smoke in my own home!
Sheila delivered this last message with some force, and there was a smattering of applause from the crowd. The score was love-fifteen. It was time for me to referee.
HENDRIX: OK. Let's start this all over again and see if we can turn it into an exercise in communication, not confrontation. Greg, would you repeat your opening statement?
GREG: I'm really glad that we're making a home together, but, with regard to your smoking, when we joined together I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be for me.
HENDRIX: OK. Now I would like you to simplify that statement so
it will be easier to understand.
GREG: You see.... Your smoking bothers me. I didn't think it
would at first, but it does.
HENDRIX: Good. Now, Sheila, I want you to paraphrase
Greg, trying to mirror his feelings and thoughts without criticizing
him or defending yourself. Then I want you to ask Greg if you have
heard him correctly.
SHEILA: I'm truly sorry that my smoking interferes-
HENDRIX: No, I'm not asking you to apologize. Just reflect back to Greg what he was saying, and show your understanding and acceptance of his feelings.
SHEILA: Could he possibly repeat himself.
GREG: Your smoking bothers me. I didn't think it would at first, but it does.
HENDRIX: Now, try to feed that back to him with receptive warmth.
SHEILA: I think I'd rather stop smoking! (Group laughter.)
HENDRIX: Take a deep breath and be aware that he is experiencing some discomfort at one of your behaviors. Rather than hearing it as a criticism of your behavior, hear it with concern for his well-being. Whether it's justified or not, he is feeling uncomfortable, and you care about him. I know this is hard to do in front of a lot of people, and I know that this is an issue you feel strongly about.
SHEILA: What could be done-
HENDRIX: No, don't try to solve it. You just want to paraphrase his message and the emotional content behind it, so that he knows that you understand what he is feeling.
SHEILA: (Takes a deep breath.) OK. I think I get it now. I understand that it really bothers you that I smoke. You didn't realize how much it would bother you until we actually started living together. Now you are very troubled by it. Is that what you are saying?
HENDRIX: Excellent. I could hear Greg's concern reflected in your
voice. Did that check out with you, Greg? Is she hearing what
you have to say?
GREG: Yes! That's just how I feel. What a relief! This
is the first time she's ever really bothered to listen to me.
As Greg's reaction shows, there is a tremendous satisfaction in simply
being heard, in knowing that your message has been received exactly as
you sent it. This is a rare phenomenon in most marriages. After
demonstrating this exercise for workshop groups, I send the couples back
to their rooms so they can practice sending and receiving simple statements.
Invariably they return to the group reporting that it was a novel, exhilarating
experience. It is such an unexpected luxury to have your partner's
full attention.
Couples often have another, surprising reaction
to this exercise. When a person is effectively mirrored, he or she
instantly feels more energetic. I see this upsurge in energy whenever
couples use the mirroring technique, but the effect is even more pronounced
in young children. The other day my daughter came running into my
study to tell me about a movie she had seen called The Island of the
Blue Dolphins. She said to me, "Daddy, I saw a movie about a big blue
fish!'
I could have responded in various ways.
I could have said a flat "Oh." I could have smiled. I could have
asked her to calm down and speak more slowly. Instead I said with
equal enthusiasm, "Oh, you saw a movie about a big blue fish!"
She jumped into my arms and said, "Yes!
I did! I loved it!"
"And you loved the movie very much!" I said,
striving to match her excitement.
"Yes!! I did!" she cried. Leah
was now vibrant with energy. Her father was not only listening to
her and understanding her, but also mirroring her excitement. As
adults we have learned to be more guarded in our response, but there is
no denying the energy that floods through us when our partners understand
what we are thinking and feeling. We feel better about ourselves;
we feel closer to them.
A longer-lasting and more important consequence
of the Mirroring exercise is that it begins to heal the many splits of
our childhood. We were wounded in childhood by parents and teachers
and relatives who told us, "You don't feel that," "You don't think that."
When our partners step out of this chorus of denial and say to us, "I understand
that you really do feel and think that way," our entire being is validated.
We no longer feel that we have to cut off parts of ourselves to be loved
and accepted. We can begin to be the complex, multifaceted people
that we really are and still find acceptance in the world.
Imago Workup
Once couples have mastered this basic communication technique, I introduce
them to another information-gathering tool, a guided imagery exercise that
helps them become better acquainted with their childhood wounds.
When the exercise is completed, I have them share their observations with
each other, using the mirroring technique. This is an effective way
for couples to begin to see each other as they really are, as wounded beings
on a quest for spiritual wholeness.
Before the exercise begins, I ask the couples
to close their eyes and relax. I often put on some soothing music
to help them shut out distractions. When they are sufficiently relaxed,
I ask them to try to remember their childhood home, the earliest one they
can recall. When the vision begins to take shape, I tell them to
see themselves as very young children wandering through the house searching
for their caretakers. The first person they meet is their mother,
or whichever female caretaker was most influential in their early years.
I tell them that they are suddenly endowed with magical powers and can
see these women's positive and negative character traits with crystal clarity.
They are to note these characteristics and then imagine themselves telling
their mothers what they always wanted from them and never got.
In a similar manner, I have them encounter
their fathers, or primary male caretakers, and then any other people who
had a profound influence on them in their formative years. When they
have gathered all the information they can about these key people, I slowly
bring them back to reality and have them open their eyes and write the
information down on a piece of paper.
I am often surprised by how much information
people can gain from this simple exercise. For example, a young man
did the exercise and realized for the first time how lonely and isolated
he had felt as a child. He had blocked out this crucial piece of
information, because it hadn't made any sense to him. How could he
feel lonely in a family with four children, a minister for a father, and
a devoted homemaker for a mother? In his fantasy, however, he had
searched and searched around the house for his father, never to find him.
When he encountered his mother, his spontaneous question to her was "Why
are you always so busy? Can't you see that I need you?" Having these
insights helped him understand his chronic depression. "Until this
moment," he said, "my sadness has always been a mystery to me."
Once people have completed the guided-imagery
exercise, they have the information they need to construct their imagos,
the inner images of the opposite sex that guided them in mate selection.
All they need to do is group together the positive and negative traits
of all the key people from their childhood, highlighting the traits that
affected them the most. These are the traits that they were looking
for in a mate.
When this work is completed, I ask couples
to share what they have learned. I ask them to listen to each other
with full attention, making no effort to interpret each other's remarks,
enlarge upon diem, compare them with their own, or analyze them.
The only allowable comments are mirroring comments that indicate the degree
of their understanding. By doing this exercise, husbands and -,wives
begin to see behind each other's neurotic, puzzling, or compulsive behavior
to the wounds they are trying to heal. This creates a more compassionate,
supportive emotional climate.
The first five exercises in Part III are designed
to help you gather information about your past and get a better idea of
how your unmet childhood needs influence your relationship. But once
you learn to open your eyes, every interaction between you and your partner,
whether spoken or unspoken, can become a valuable source of information.