Well, it's that time of year again. Kids wait expectantly for their parents to take them to Staples for their little pencil keepers, parents pray that the school will extend the day so they can come home a little more drunk, and high school students everywhere pile up on their stores of marijuana. (Except for me, although now that it's been mentioned it would probably help considerably.) What does that all add up to? School. Oh, yes, the inevitable has come around again, and I, for one, am considering the options I have. *ahem*
1) Refuse to go... get arrested.
2) Go to school, don't do any work... fuck over any college options.
3) Go, attempt to be happy... be even more depressed after it still sucks.
4) Cry... I'm a wuss.
5) Go to school with the knowledge that it sucks... and never become a successful student.
The school, you see, has recently informed all of its participants that there are a few very important things to becoming a successful student. Although I'm too anal to actually slack off for a bit (which I'm pretty sure is gonna change this year), I meet almost none of the successful student guidelines. Let's observe.
*Is prepared and organized by doing homework, studying, and bringing supplies. Sure, now tell us what the supplies actually are and give a solid definition of studying.
*(This is the kicker) Eat a good breakfast (more on why that isn't possible later), wears appropriate clothing, (appropriate as in no thongs or shirts that don't go below breasts? or appropriate as in no shoulders showing, 'cause we all know how dangerous those things are), shows a positive attitude (eh? the most successful students I know are the ones who realize that school sucks, acknowledge the fact that our society is going to hell, and attempt to do something about it by getting the hell out of that town and making it into college. Our valedictorian last year had the least positive attitude I've ever seen), has good attendance (so all you kids going to high holidays are fucked), and is cheerful. (Cheerful? Cheerful? I'm going to be thrown back in school with teachers and classmates who I despise, we're going into nuclear war, Bush and Rumsfeld are on a campaign that apparently they are the only two in favor of, and our environment is slowly and surely melting into one slab of asphalt and global warming. Sure, I'll be cheerful... wait? What is that? OOOOH, the sound of hell freezing over! I remember.)
*Shows good behavior by treating others as he or she wants to be treated. (Ooooh, now they're getting all original on us. It's a good thing that half of my school are practicing masochists. He he. Sure, I'll treat them exactly how they want to be treated...)
* Listens when others speak. (Why, they don't care about what I say.)
* Is positive, friendly, honest, and kind. (Redundant much? Let's get this straight. I'm not positive, I know school is gonna suck, I'll be friendly when people acknowledge my presence and aren't complete assholes, I'll be honest, of course I will! and kind? Kind? Who the hell cares if someone is kind anymore?! THIS IS AMERICA!)
*Respects the space and property of others. (Yea, you hear that? I'm talking a three foot radius with just me and my book.)
So, let's see. I could have the highest GPA in the school, and still never be a successful student. Good to know, huh? I'm not going to get into the behavior conduct code (mostly 'cause I haven't read it), but just a side note, who cares if you swear? Is it really going to hurt anyone? Well, maybe puppies. Puppies shouldn't hear that language.
Now onto the juicy part. Every single kid I have talked to about school says the exact same thing. There is one exclamation echoing across all schools as kids frantically struggle to contact the designated person... "someone screwed over my schedule." Now, I know that individual kids don't really matter. Why? 'Cause there are a damn lot of us. The issue is when guidance counselors proceed to screw over the entire 10th grade, creating a slightly disconcerting atmosphere.
My school has a rotating schedule. We have eight classes and seven class periods a day, and every eight days we repeat the schedule. If you didn't follow that, don't worry, no one in the school can either. This year (although I saw nothing wrong with our schedule last year), they decided to do a little dance so the stupid middle school kids can feel "welcomed". Whaaa? Not to be unsympathetic, but, whaaaaa? Middle school isn't supposed to be welcoming, it's supposed to be hell, and it is. So is high school, for that matter, but logically middle school is worst. What did they do to remedy the schedule situation? Hmmm, oh, right, screw over the rest of us. Let's take a closer look at what they did.
A Typical Day
7:55 we begin...
Two 50 minutes classes
One random 70 minute class (evil)
Lunch at 10:54 for exactly 22 minutes.... eh? 10:54 for lunch? Our school isn't even over-crowded and I'm eating before I should even be awake!?! Ah, shucks, guys, now what will I do when I'm eating lunch at breakfast and destroying all chances of becoming a real successful student?
Four 50 minute classes until the completion of the school day at 2:45, 15 minutes longer than last year.
This may not seem too bad to a causal observer, but I loved my last year's schedule with only two classes after a lunch inserted at a reasonable hour. Lunch this year with 9th and 10th graders at a hellishly early hour surrounded by evil classes, the details I won't go into 'cause that'll really bore you (let's just say that they're bad) with one random 70 minute period and four classes in a row? Sounds like fun, but it's all ok, and you know why?
Because guidance counselors are going to duck hell.