I was sitting on the porch with a few people the other day, when the subject of harassment forms came up. I told the story of my friend Jay and how he was filed on for harassment because our mutual friend felt uncomfortable at a few things that he had said. He, noticing the large amounts of time she spent talking and spending time with our young music teacher, made a few jokes about what they did 'behind the scenes.' I didn't really blame him, it's a known fact that our music teacher picks favorites, has a liking for Christy, who is a talented musician, and has the general belief that she can do no wrong. He singles her out all the time, and she doesn't help by perking up whenever his name is mentioned.
To make a long story short, Jay made some jokes, she filed harassment.
After Christy filled out the official "harassment form," Jay was told of the complaint made against him. Given no time to explain his side, he was sent back to class. Apparently Chrisy had told the guidance counselor that when she had told Jay to stop, he hadn't.
That's crap, I was there the whole time. She even laughed with us. Mixed signals, eh? Why yes, I think so.
Let me give you some background information on the two parties. Christy is a good student, talented, and though she can't think her way out of a paper bag, teachers adore her. (She also has a very strong willed mother.) Jay's father was recently put in prison, was evicted this year, is smarter than Chrisy but doesn't do any work, and parents are divorced. His dog also died today, though this happened about a month ago.
Who to believe, Chrisy or Jay? If they had gone through the proper harassment procedure, they would have found the three witnesses telling them that Christy was paranoid as Hell and had never told him to stop. Jay had said no more than any other TH grade male had that year. As it is, they screwed it up. They told the music teacher what Jay had said, called both their moms, and asked Christy's parents if they wanted to bring him to court. Kindly enough, they declined, though Christy's mom did drag Jay over so she could verbally berate him for close to an hour.
Jay has forgiven Christy for all shenanigans, though I am confused as to why she filed in the first place. Christy lied to the guidance counselor; mumbling for someone to stop teasing and saying it out loud are two very different things. I was there, and Christy looked as if she was enjoying herself, even laughed at the jokes! How is that harassment?
At the beginning of the year, the teachers went to every class and told every kid that they can fill out a harassment form if they personally feel threatened or uncomfortable. In Jay's case, the situation was only resolved because my mom (the school nurse,) while sitting in on the meeting about what to do with Jay, told them Jay's side of the story. If she hadn't, he may have been sent to court. It wasn't harassment, it was a class war. A good student up against a kid barely passing, who would you chose?
I understand the reason for harassment forms. I understand that every day millions of people really are being put into dangerous and uncomfortable situations that could have been prevented if they had spoken out. I even understand that in jr high and high schools, harassment forms are not only necessary, but needed to preserve a safe feeling and a way for kids to have their problems dealt with. I understand this, but I cannot endorse them fully. They're a good solution, but what happens in a situation like Jay's? What happens when you get a paranoid, good student who all the teachers adore, and put them up against a kid who you would expect to get in trouble, and have a fair case?
There are definitely kids in my class who need to be filed. I've told a few people that they need to fill out a form, even walked them up to make sure that they didn't' cop out, but the kids in my school fill out those things like toilet paper.
In their particular situation, Christy was the reliable resource. They didn't do the proper procedure because they looked at the two kids, and took the word of the one who they liked best. I think that it's insane that it even happened. Two friends, kids who have known each other since birth, one filing the other without even letting him know? How does the school differentiate between the valid ones and, well, the other hundred?
Don't get me wrong, this time it worked out. There was someone there who was able to tell them the other side to the story, and it was fine. That won't happen every time, though. One of these days some kid is going to wind up expelled because they weren't the 'reliable source', and I'll wait for that day, and then I'll nail a big sign to my shirt saying,